# Is rudeness ever appropriate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 11, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721 "2012-12-11T18:00:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/1 "2012-12-11T18:00:44Z")
I had to ask my teacher something, but I was afraid that I’d come across as rude if I asked her. I thought to myself, “Rudeness isn’t appropriate in this situation.” It led me to wonder, can rudeness _ever_ be considered appropriate in any situation? What if someone’s really bothering you, and they only stop if you’re rude to them? What do you guys think? ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/2 "2012-12-11T18:04:55Z")
Yes. The world is full of miniature psychopaths who are happy to exploit other peoples’ reluctance to be rude or engage in confrontation. After all polite means are exhausted, rudeness is justified. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/3 "2012-12-11T18:05:45Z")
Are you confusing rudeness with honesty? ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/4 "2012-12-11T18:15:10Z")
Free range rude? Fuck 'em. I’m nice to nice folks. Rude to the rude. It’s a healthy balance! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fool_in_the_Rain)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/5 "2012-12-11T18:21:30Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > Free range rude? Fuck 'em. > > I’m nice to nice folks. Rude to the rude. > > It’s a healthy balance! 😉 Agreed. You get what I get. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/6 "2012-12-11T18:32:11Z")
Be a little more polite to people than they are to you. A little. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/7 "2012-12-11T18:35:38Z")
One can be cold, aloof and disapproving without crossing over the line into actual rudeness. ---
**Author:** ![taskmgr.exe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@taskmgr.exe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taskmgr.exe)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/8 "2012-12-11T18:40:54Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Are you confusing rudeness with honesty? You can be honest and nice at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![taskmgr.exe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@taskmgr.exe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taskmgr.exe)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/9 "2012-12-11T18:45:28Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Yes. The world is full of miniature psychopaths who are happy to exploit other peoples’ reluctance to be rude or engage in confrontation. After all polite means are exhausted, rudeness is justified. Don’t give up your fight, my brother. My master ushered in a victory for those who passionately fight against assholes! _Assholes shall be vanquished._ Have faith in us. 🙂 The corruption of Hell shall be stopped! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/10 "2012-12-11T18:55:40Z")
I’m never preemptively rude, but push comes to shove I’'ll tell someone to fuck off. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/11 "2012-12-11T19:00:29Z")
Rudeness is entirely appropriate in emergency situations. You don’t wait for someone to finish a conversation; you barge in and interrupt their conversation, screaming “help me, I’m bleeding to death!” You honk your horn, you cut people off (in a safe way - it’s possible to be safe while being rude behind the wheel) on the way to the ER. Some people do tend to confuse honesty with rudeness. There are occasions when an excessive honesty can be rude - witness the “3 fat girls” fiasco, or telling your neighbor’s wife truthfully that the dinner she just served you and your wife was far inferior to what you’ve had elsewhere - but honest conversation is not intrinsically rude. Calling someone out for their shitty behavior is not rude, unless you choose to express your disapproval with nothing more eloquent than a string of obscene insults. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/12 "2012-12-11T19:17:36Z")
Rude behavior is inappropriate by definition. If it’s not inappropriate (such as interrupting a conversation because someone is bleeding to death) it’s not rude. Asking a teacher a question isn’t rude. (Unless you were planning on asking something that’s insulting or none of your business.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/13 "2012-12-11T19:20:38Z")
I read Miss Manners a lot, and I love her, but I do agree with this one thing of hers: that rudeness is never acceptable. I disagree, obviously. I think it’s rarely acceptable, but there is a point in which you must utilize it. As I grow older I have gotten better at shutting people down without being rude, and generally don’t have to. But sometimes it’s just necessary. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/14 "2012-12-11T19:22:08Z")
According to Miss Manners, rudeness occurs when you unintentionally insult someone. _Intentionally_ insulting one is not rude. Suicidal, depending on the circumstances, but not rude. ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/15 "2012-12-11T19:34:35Z")
Sorry, rudeness is never appropriate. However…some people insist on being treated rudely, and it is okay to oblige them (imo). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/16 "2012-12-11T19:35:57Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I read Miss Manners a lot, and I love her, but I do agree with this one thing of hers: that rudeness is never acceptable. I disagree, obviously. I think it’s rarely acceptable, but there is a point in which you must utilize it. > > As I grow older I have gotten better at shutting people down without being rude, and generally don’t have to. But sometimes it’s just necessary. Should be “I do NOT agree”! Sorry! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/17 "2012-12-11T19:41:35Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > Rudeness is entirely appropriate in emergency situations. You don’t wait for someone to finish a conversation; you barge in and interrupt their conversation, screaming “help me, I’m bleeding to death!” You honk your horn, you cut people off (in a safe way - it’s possible to be safe while being rude behind the wheel) on the way to the ER. I remember being a kid, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and my mom was on the phone, and I had a conversation with her that went something like this. Mom: Blah blah blah bl- Me: Mom? Mom: (turning away) blah blah blah bl- Me: Hey mom? Mom: I’m on the phone! Blah blah blah Me: Excuse me, mom? Mom: (really annoyed and snappish) What? What is it?! Me: The television’s on fire. After she got the fire extinguisher and put it out, she talked to me about acceptable times to be rude. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/18 "2012-12-11T19:43:07Z")
A wise woman once said, “If you’re going to be rude, do it for a reason and get something from it.” which I think is good advice. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/19 "2012-12-11T20:12:08Z")
In New York, it saves time (or signals that your time is important). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721/20 "2012-12-11T20:18:39Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > In New York, it saves time (or signals that your time is important). They’re not rude, they’re brusque. There is a difference. I have had wonderful treatment in NYC but you can’t fuck around. You can’t walk up to people and say “Uh…” But if you say “I need to get to Times Square, which subway line do I take?” They go out of their way to be helpful. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-rudeness-ever-appropriate/643721.md?page=2)