# Is sex with an attractive person any different from sex with a not so attractive person? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 7, 2016, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232 "2016-03-07T19:41:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/21 "2016-03-08T04:19:26Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > I think it must be pretty rare for a person to have enough sexual experience to answer the question meaningfully. > > How many people have slept with, say, a dozen 9s and a dozen 5s? It’s rare to have more than a couple dozen partners, and rarer still to have such a significant divergence in their attractiveness. And then you’ve got to wonder…since people with the experience to answer are already quite atypical in their sexual behavior whether they wouldn’t also be atypical in their assessment of sexual satisfaction. You obviously weren’t an urban gay guy in the '70s-early '80s. I can’t say I’ve “slept with” a lot of men, but I certainly had sex with a lot. It’s certainly thrilling to be with someone who’s uber-hot, but that doesn’t last long. You find yourself fantasizing that he’s as wonderful on the inside as he is on the outside, and before long you’re not relating to him in any real sense. With a guy who’s a little less hot, you tend to be a little more anchored. Of course there are exceptions, like my husband. Not only is he drop-dead gorgeous, but also freakishly tall and . . . well-equipped. But none of that was what initially attracted me. I first noticed a strength and perceptiveness in his eyes, and a cat-like grace to his movement. The fact that he’s gorgeous immediately became pretty much of an afterthought. The only real difference that makes is in the way other people treat him . . . which used to be a problem for me, but I’ve learned to accept it. What took me longer to accept was his feelings for me, what he saw in me. But time took care of that as well. And how is he in bed? Well, I married him, didn’t I? :):)🙂 ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/22 "2016-03-08T05:34:33Z")
“. . . in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.” — Ben Franklin ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/23 "2016-03-08T05:40:27Z")
> [@squeegee](#): > > 1. …And in the hay it was… just okay. …Also she was a fairly marginal (ok poor) kisser. > > 2. … _Great_ kisser, great makeouts, and eventually sex that was so good it was unreal. [It’s in (her) kiss…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARZDfcVOwno) Being with someone _you_ find attractive is going to help - whether other people consider them attractive or not doesn’t really matter. But it will help only so long as there are no hangups or idiocy involved. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/24 "2016-03-08T07:35:10Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > I think it must be pretty rare for a person to have enough sexual experience to answer the question meaningfully. > > How many people have slept with, say, a dozen 9s and a dozen 5s? It’s rare to have more than a couple dozen partners, and rarer still to have such a significant divergence in their attractiveness. And then you’ve got to wonder…since people with the experience to answer are already quite atypical in their sexual behavior whether they wouldn’t also be atypical in their assessment of sexual satisfaction. > > Like **Anaamika** , my anecdotal experience points in different directions, which is unsurprising because there’s just too many variables. I’m the rare bird you’re looking for! The meaningful answer is…“there’s just too many variables.” Just like you said. For me, if a guy is just plain unattractive to me, forget it. After that, well, hotter is generally good, but the other variables become more important. ---
**Author:** ![Manila\_Bay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@Manila\_Bay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manila_Bay)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/25 "2016-03-08T07:54:27Z")
During initiation and the foreplay part. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/26 "2016-03-08T10:50:25Z")
> [@Lowdown](#): > > Yes, it’s better, to a point. I mean, you’re going to be waaaaaaay more excited about boning Sophia Vergara/Hugh Jackman than you are Rhea Perlman/Steve Buscemi. I do Steve Buscemi in a heartbeat. Hugh Jackman, meh. To me charisma is more attractive than a bundle of muscles. It sort of connected to the question - I need a connection to a person and something about them that turns me on. If you’re not turned on by someone you’re going to struggle. However, I don’t need to them to be “conventionally attractive” for that to happen. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/27 "2016-03-08T11:20:43Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > I do Steve Buscemi in a heartbeat. Hugh Jackman, meh. To me charisma is more attractive than a bundle of muscles. It sort of connected to the question - I need a connection to a person and something about them that turns me on. If you’re not turned on by someone you’re going to struggle. However, I don’t need to them to be “conventionally attractive” for that to happen. ^^^ This. You start interacting with someone and if there’s chemistry you start reading what they’re feeling, what they’re thinking, in their face. (You do that even if sometimes you’re wrong 🙂 ). And you get more and more enticed by them—they may have looked “normal” (typical) but then they look cute and after awhile they look hot and delicious not to mention oh so precious and you just have to have them. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/28 "2016-03-08T13:10:55Z")
Sadly, I’ve only had sexual relations with extremely attractive women. Who knows what all I’ve missed!? Another addition to my bucket list. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/29 "2016-03-08T14:20:19Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > You obviously weren’t an urban gay guy in the '70s-early '80s. I considered some kind of caveat in my post, but thought better of it. I’m sure Dan Savage has answered this question thoroughly somewhere. > [@Green\_Bean](#): > > I’m the rare bird you’re looking for! That’s how I start all my Tinder chats. (Kidding, wife!) ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/30 "2016-03-08T15:07:49Z")
ISTM the question can be broken into two parts: [ol] [li]_All else being equal_, is sex enhanced by partner attractiveness?[/li][li]On average, does all else tend to be equal?[/li][/ol] I would think the answer to the first question is obviously “yes”. Sexual pleasure is in the mind (the first sentence of the OP misses this point). I don’t know the answer to the second question. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2016, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/31 "2016-03-08T15:17:43Z")
There was at least one study done that basically said that the better looking you are, the better in bed you’ll likely be due to having more opportunities to practice. Having said that, my baseline was always how they moved on the dance floor. You can tell a whole lot about how someone will be in bed based on how they perform on the dance floor… And apparently [funny](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/humor-sapiens/201504/good-in-bed-funny-men-give-more-orgasms) counts, too. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/32 "2016-03-09T00:51:27Z")
Hell yeah it’s better. Psychology plays a HUGE part in sex excitement. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/33 "2016-03-09T03:52:02Z")
I’ll only say that the hottest sex I’ve ever had was with the least attractive woman I’ve ever had sex with. ---
**Author:** ![bb49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@bb49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bb49)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/34 "2016-03-09T04:24:55Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > My boy, they’re all th’ same when you turn 'em upside down…" Or when you turn the lights out. And if you can’t do that, well, that’s what paper bags are for. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/35 "2016-03-09T05:55:41Z")
If I were to make a list and rank them, it would actually be an inverse correlation. The more conventionally attractive the guy, the worse the sex. The less conventionally attractive, the better the sex. I’ve dated two literal underwear models, and both of them were very boring, selfish lovers. My husband is the least conventionally attractive guy I’ve been with, and the best lover. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/36 "2016-03-09T14:08:05Z")
> [@swampspruce](#): > > There was at least one study done that basically said that the better looking you are, the better in bed you’ll likely be due to having more opportunities to practice. Having said that, my baseline was always how they moved on the dance floor. You can tell a whole lot about how someone will be in bed based on how they perform on the dance floor… And apparently [funny](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/humor-sapiens/201504/good-in-bed-funny-men-give-more-orgasms) counts, too. I must totally disagree on the first one, while it is indicative, it is not a tell-all. My SO hates dancing and would love to never dance again…but he’s completely different in bed. He is funny as hell, though. I’ve always said if a guy can make a woman laugh, she’s halfway into bed with him already. Hell, on days when they are in fine form I’d probably sleep with my favorite comics and they are mostly not good-looking at all (Jimmy Carr, Bill Burr, Lewis Black). Just once in my life I wouldn’t mind _trying_ a James Bond type, however. You know. For _science_. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/37 "2016-03-09T16:24:41Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Just once in my life I wouldn’t mind _trying_ a James Bond type, however. You know. For _science_. Would you like me to PM you my #? You know. For science. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/38 "2016-03-09T16:43:36Z")
If ever there was a “YMMV” question, this is it. In my experience, though, I’m not going to end up in bed with someone in the first place unless I’m attracted to her _in some way_. I once dated a lady who was not necessarily conventionally hot, but we just clicked, in and out of bed, and the sex was incredible. “Attractiveness” in this case was sort of a self-feeding loop. Bottom line, I think it’s important to be attracted to your sexual partner(s), but the term is highly subjective. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/39 "2016-03-09T16:45:52Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > Would you like me to PM you my #? You know. For science. 😉 If you have an English accent and a suit, you’re in like Flynn. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2016, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/40 "2016-03-09T21:32:56Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > If you have an English accent and a suit, you’re in like Flynn. 😛 Not only are there a number of suits in the closet, there’s also a tux for when we go to the casino in Monte Carlo. 🆒 …or the casino in AC to eat Monte Cristos. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232.md?page=3)