# Is sex with an attractive person any different from sex with a not so attractive person? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 7, 2016, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232 "2016-03-07T19:41:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2016, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/61 "2016-03-11T23:19:14Z")
[Detailed and incriminating post deleted] So, yeah. Comeliness, a pretty face and healthy figure = about 10% of the equation and is easily overridden by a self-comfortable demeanor and moderate attention to grooming. A nice face is a good frame, but the long-term hooks are the eyes and how they look at you. Parts is parts after that, and sexy happens when the way you move your parts and how the other person moves their parts makes happiness; and when you feel wanted. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/62 "2016-03-12T01:35:27Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I And then when you leave we pull out our vibrators anyway so why take chances? This is a tremendously depressing thing to read. Men, if you think you might be in this category, then go online and [Buy the Hite Report on Female Sexuality](http://www.amazon.com/The-Hite-Report-National-Sexuality/dp/1583225692). I bought it when I was 13. Picked it up in my local used book store and started reading. I read it cover to cover. “Informative” doesn’t even come close to what this read is. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/63 "2016-03-12T02:34:01Z")
From my limited sample, 100% of really hot men are terrible in bed vs. 75% of reasonably good looking men being terrible. Don’t know about the unattractive men. I think the really hot men simply don’t care about pleasing their partner enough to get a repeat visit because they can always just pick up another sucker. > [@](#): > > You say that most of your sexual experience (or partners) has been boring to awful… > I can’t help wonder > A) How old you are. I’ve read that the internet (porn) is really changing the concept of sex for younger people. I’m in my 50s. I strongly recommend that men DO NOT try to pick up sex tips from porn. It’s made by men for men and most of what is depicted has nothing to do with what women find arousing or pleasurable. How many women watch porn? Not all that many. The only reputable surveys give less than 10% of women like to watch it (yeah, I’m aware of a lot of not reputable surveys claiming the number is higher). ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2016, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/64 "2016-03-13T13:09:55Z")
> [@Doyle](#): > > Remember the old saying: Think of the most beautiful woman in the world and there’s some guy that’s tired of fucking her. True; but, however, he will not go looking for an uglier one Also, I imagine that the man would get tired of fucking an ugly one much more quickly. ---
**Author:** ![HipGnosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/76d3ee/32.png) [@HipGnosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HipGnosis)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/65 "2016-03-14T13:27:24Z")
> [@Small\_Hen](#): > > _Grins_ Trust me, I got the orgasm part down as a teen. Getting past the shame of it was next (and trust me when I tell you I had serious shame hang ups about my sexual needs). Part three is getting past my shyness/social anxiety/social phobia/what have you. Basically, the part of me that becomes terrified to open my mouth and ask for something when I’m in bed with a man (hell, the part of me that’s terrified to go on a date with someone). > > My inability to have a good time in bed isn’t really because I don’t know where my fun bits are, it’s just that I get so anxious, I can’t _feel_ good. Nor can I get myself to ask for what does feel good. I’m happy for you that you are honest with yourself about it. That’s something quite a few haven’t accomplished. I hope you can see how it can put the man (men) in an awkward situation that they have hopelessly little understanding or control of. ---
**Author:** ![HipGnosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/76d3ee/32.png) [@HipGnosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HipGnosis)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/66 "2016-03-14T13:30:48Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > [Detailed and incriminating post deleted] > > Parts is parts after that, and sexy happens when the way you move your parts and how the other person moves their parts makes happiness; and when you feel wanted. Little Hen has shown how that’s not always true. Unless your definition of sexy and happiness is merely copulation and orgasm (at least for you). I hope you’ll forgive me for aspiring for quite a bit more. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/67 "2016-03-14T13:31:23Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > This is a tremendously depressing thing to read. Why? Look at it this way: you got her so worked up, she’s going to keep the party going even after you’re done. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/68 "2016-03-14T13:38:58Z")
> [@Small\_Hen](#): > > _Grins_ Trust me, I got the orgasm part down as a teen. Getting past the shame of it was next (and trust me when I tell you I had serious shame hang ups about my sexual needs). Part three is getting past my shyness/social anxiety/social phobia/what have you. Basically, the part of me that becomes terrified to open my mouth and ask for something when I’m in bed with a man (hell, the part of me that’s terrified to go on a date with someone). > > My inability to have a good time in bed isn’t really because I don’t know where my fun bits are, it’s just that I get so anxious, I can’t _feel_ good. Nor can I get myself to ask for what does feel good. I understand the shame aspect, I got plenty of that. The thing is, sexual desire starts so early, far before the parents really know how to deal with it, so sometimes they freak out. Then my parents (and obviously yours) were pretty religious and I was to find out later, my parents were burned by an illegitimate pregnancy (the one that produced me, I was adopted) already, which ruined one engagement and a friendship and put a black mark on our family. So they were pretty against premarital sex in any shape or form. As for the anxiousness, that one I cannot help with, I’m afraid. Once I started learning what made me feel good I was less anxious in bed…but I rarely have anxiety problems to start with. I’m sorry, though, and I hope you find a way through! > [@Really Not All That Bright](#): > > Why? Look at it this way: you got her so worked up, she’s going to keep the party going even after you’re done. Or he just didn’t do the job right. Plus there is a significant subset of men that are somehow threatened by a vibrator. I’m 40 years old now. I don’t have time for bullshit, right? I’m in a committed relationship, but if I was back on the market, and someone had a problem with my vibrator, well, there’s the door. Don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out. Also, thanks for the correction. I guess I was hungry when I was typing (thinking of bbq). ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/69 "2016-03-14T13:42:46Z")
It certainly could be that too. But **Cartooniverse** seems to be assuming that’s the \*only \*reason you might whip out a vibe after sex. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/70 "2016-03-14T13:52:16Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > It certainly could be that too. But **Cartooniverse** seems to be assuming that’s the \*only \*reason you might whip out a vibe after sex. If your way was the case I might whip it out with him still there. Why not? Provided he didn’t get tetchy about it of course. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/71 "2016-03-14T14:00:37Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Plus there is a significant subset of men that are somehow threatened by a vibrator. I’ve never been threatened by a vibrator, other than not wanting it use your imagination, kids!! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/72 "2016-03-14T14:02:45Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > If your way was the case I might whip it out with him still there. Why not? Provided he didn’t get tetchy about it of course. I have been encouraging my wife to do this for years but she thinks it’s weird. > [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve never been threatened by a vibrator… One of them told me it was going to punch my stupid face in, back in college. But that might have been all the drugs I was taking. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232/73 "2016-03-14T14:26:55Z")
kayaker, you funny. 🙂 RNATB I would tell you to tell her it’s OK but that would be pretty weird. “A woman from the Internet says it’s ok for you to use your vibe during/after sex.” Yeah. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-sex-with-an-attractive-person-any-different-from-sex-with-a-not-so-attractive-person/748232.md?page=3)