# Is socializing just conversational masturbation? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 8, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461 "2010-06-08T19:15:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Swarog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Swarog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swarog)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/21 "2010-06-12T21:49:09Z")
Besides I was just making conversation šŸ˜‰ but the psychoanalysis was much appreciated. DO IT AGAIN!!! ---
**Author:** ![Drew\_Kit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Drew\_Kit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drew_Kit)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/22 "2010-06-13T14:28:54Z")
Social chit-chat may be akin to mutual-masturbation, fun and light, but great communication is like great sex. Communication only becomes masturbation when it results in letters that are never sent, poems that are never shared, and even then there isnā€™t anything wrong with that in moderation. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/23 "2010-06-13T15:54:51Z")
Masturbation? No. There is a reason why they call is **Social Intercourse**. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/24 "2010-06-13T16:04:54Z")
I think there comes a time in life when, if you are career building, some of this is necessary. Networking, they call it. Itā€™s a drag to me too. But necessary to develop a support system. And friendships do grow out of it. Guess it never hurts to have a good honest look at oneā€™s self and figure out why you actually have conversations with people. I do like the anecdotal stuff. But then I have more time at this point in my life to listen than I used to. I like to approach people I meet with the expectation that each of those people has a gift to offer me and that I will receive it if I pay attention. This proves true generally. Itā€™s not always a welcome gift. Sometimes itā€™s just learning something about who not to approach. Hee. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/25 "2010-06-13T17:52:39Z")
> [@Drew\_Kit](#): > > Social chit-chat may be akin to mutual-masturbation, fun and light, but great communication is like great sex. Communication only becomes masturbation when it results in letters that are never sent, poems that are never shared, and even then there isnā€™t anything wrong with that in moderation. Except the hairy palms, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2010, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/26 "2010-06-13T21:43:24Z")
> [@muody25](#): > > I would consider this a long throw at a target youā€™re not even sure is there. > > In most circumstances, you will not be interested in what a person has to say. If you surround yourself with people who have similar interests then yes, you might look at this question and say, well now this person must be depressed and lonely. > > Finding things that are normally interesting to a particular person no longer interesting may be sign of depression, sureā€¦ But here I donā€™t see your case. > > On this topic of the others being selfish, I suggest that most people are inherently selfish. > > You care about you and yours, and if you claim otherwise, you are lying. You may act differently, but acting is a very common thing, and thatā€™s not true feeling. If you act, then yourā€™e doing it for selfish reasons. Not hurting someoneā€™s feelings is a selfish reason. You donā€™t care because you canā€™t, but you donā€™t want to feel bad for doing it. Selfish. > > Itā€™s not even about opinions at this point. There are only so many people you can give a crap about. There was a great post someone put up about the monkeysphere. Which is a displays of how far our network of giving a crap is capable of reaching. The outer limits are somewhere around 150 or so. > > Now I know more than 150 people. Maybe not everyone does, but Iā€™m sure many people do. At least in denser populations. Even in small communities there are many more than 150 people. > > So we donā€™t care about what another person thinks whether you like it or not. > And if you do care it has something to do with yourself. Like they share your interests, or they know or do something you care about, where at this point you may add them into your monkeyesphere. Other people are no different than new activities. You donā€™t care unless you care. The monkeysphere thing is no excuse. You are not with 150 people at any given time. (and if you are, you can group a bunch of people as one, like in public speaking.) It is easy to keep a few slots open for random people. And it is pretty easy to empathize, and thinking of the other person as if they were you. And the thing is, you do care about other people. Or you wouldnā€™t be asking this question. If you only cared about yourself, why would you care if youā€™re coming off badly? If they donā€™t like you talking about you, thatā€™s their problem, not yours. But you do care, even if for selfish reasons. I personally find other people more interesting than myself, but Iā€™m working on talking about myself. Itā€™s easiest for me to talk about things, which is why I like this message board. Iā€™m already learning how to integrate talking about myself with this, but at the cost of not asking about other people, and keeping them interested. And I have a hard time converting messageboard style conversation to real life. ---
**Author:** ![Swarog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Swarog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swarog)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/27 "2010-06-14T20:08:41Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The monkeysphere thing is no excuse. You are not with 150 people at any given time. (and if you are, you can group a bunch of people as one, like in public speaking.) It is easy to keep a few slots open for random people. And it is pretty easy to empathize, and thinking of the other person as if they were you. > . As usual, with the most relevant and resolute response.. BigT kicks SDMB square in the nuts. I only disagree with one thing. If we care how we come off, for selfish reasons, then thatā€™s caring only about ourselves, but making sure to seem as if we care about the other person. Caring what someone thinks of you does not make you care about them by default. It just makes you care not to be criticized. In fact expressing that you care what someone thinks regardless that you care for selfish reasons, can be an effective way of convincing others that you are selfless. That in and of it self is arguably a very selfish goal. Either way. I also suffer from the ā€œthingā€ talking disorder. Itā€™s hardā€¦ but I am getting better as I get older. At least weā€™re trying!!! ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/28 "2010-06-14T21:04:35Z")
What do you mean ā€œjustā€? ---
**Author:** ![Swarog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Swarog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swarog)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/29 "2010-06-15T11:50:14Z")
you knowā€¦like, is socializing it a form of morally accepted masturbation as opposed to unjust masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![NOLA\_Cajun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea666f/32.png) [@NOLA\_Cajun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NOLA_Cajun)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/30 "2010-06-18T02:27:27Z")
I must be socializing wrong. ---
**Author:** ![StrangeBird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@StrangeBird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrangeBird)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2010, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/31 "2010-06-18T09:07:59Z")
> [@muody25](#): > > In most circumstances, you will not be interested in what a person has to say. On what basis are you making this judgement? Sure, it may be true for you, but how can you possibility speak so authoratively on what ranges of conversation topics other people find interesting? I donā€™t feel like its true for me. Of course, Iā€™m in a position where I voluntarily listen to people talk about their various life woes, so maybe Iā€™m a bit of a weirdo.šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/32 "2010-06-18T16:46:53Z")
Will I grow hair on my tongue if I socialize? ---
**Author:** ![StrangeBird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@StrangeBird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrangeBird)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2010, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/33 "2010-06-18T22:58:13Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > Will I grow hair on my tongue if I socialize? No, but you may go blind ---
**Author:** ![Swarog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Swarog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swarog)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/34 "2010-06-19T00:06:06Z")
> [@StrangeBird](#): > > On what basis are you making this judgement? Sure, it may be true for you, but how can you possibility speak so authoratively on what ranges of conversation topics other people find interesting? > > I donā€™t feel like its true for me. Of course, Iā€™m in a position where I voluntarily listen to people talk about their various life woes, so maybe Iā€™m a bit of a weirdo.šŸ˜‰ no, what i mean is that peoples interests differ. in most situations youā€™ll find you are not mutually interested in the same things. not to say you wonā€™t become interested, but definitely an opening for the onset of boredom and daydreaming. it really depends. maybe you are a person who surrounds himself with people that are a certain way. but people in general are very individual and common interest is not the topic at hand , nor is a topic you are interested in that you allow to filter into your immediate social circle. im talking about people outside of your circle ---
**Author:** ![StrangeBird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@StrangeBird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrangeBird)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2010, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/35 "2010-06-19T10:37:10Z")
> [@muody25](#): > > in most situations youā€™ll find you are not mutually interested in the same things. True to some extent, but thereā€™s usually enough common ground to have a reasonably enjoyable short conversation, even with people you donā€™t know well. Certainly, when a conversation is directly entirely towards one personā€™s interests it can become dissatisfying to the other - but Iā€™d usually consider this style of conversation (where one person is enjoying themselves and the other is wishing to escape) fairly dysfunctional, and not necessarily typical of most social conversation. Most people have at least some ability to tell when their companions eyeā€™s have glazed over, and redirect the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/36 "2010-06-19T13:29:34Z")
I donā€™t know how old the OP is, but Iā€™m wondering if too many young people are so used to texting and blogging and message boarding that they are simply uncomfortible with face to face conversation. Talk about ā€œconversational masterbationā€, what do you think the SDMB or any other blog or mb is? No one really cares what people say and no one cares if they care. You write something, people read it or they donā€™t. You see something and decide whether or not you want to respond to it. Imagine that working in the real world with face to face conversations. People just blurting out things and then some time later someone else nearby burts out an incongruent response. There is an actual skill required in having a conversation with people, keeping them interested and making them feel as if you are interested in them. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461/37 "2010-06-21T18:47:32Z")
> [@muody25](#): > > Is socializing just conversational masturbation? That would be soliloquy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-socializing-just-conversational-masturbation/542461.md?page=1)