# Is Ted Cruz an alien? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 6, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524 "2013-10-06T19:58:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/1 "2013-10-06T19:58:58Z")
Ted Cruz, the Calgary-born Senator from Texas, looks like an alien to me. I don’t know what’s wrong with that man’s face, but he doesn’t look right to me. I’m not saying he’s an extraterrestrial, but he’s been hit with some kind of ugly stick. Maybe I’m just biased against “Native American” features or something. I looked on Wikipedia, and it says his mother was a US citizen and his father was not when Mr Cruz was born–in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Now as much as Albertans want to be Yankee-Gringo-Amurricans, they are not. They are subjects of the Canadian monarch, not free citizens of a free republic. And even Mr Cruz admits that his father was a foreign national, a _cubano_, a Castro supporter who got fed up with the revolution and decided to make a break for the mainland for his own economic gain. Clearly this man inculcated some real pro-social values in Rafael Edward Cruz: caution, reflection, loyalty, humility, dedication–nope, wait, never mind. I guess it’s possible that _papá_ Rafael Cruz regretted his youth and taught young Ted not to be a reckless revolutionary and/or self-serving hypocrite. Doesn’t look like it from here, though. So Cruz’s claims to being a “natural-born citizen” hinge on his mother, Eleanor Darragh, an Irish-American from Wilmington, Delaware. Hold up! Delaware, as we know,\* probably does not exist,\* and if it does exist, is known for harboring various corporations that want to avoid taxation. Now, clearly, if Ted Cruz had a mother, she was from somewhere. But isn’t this convenient? A mother from obscure, out-of-the-way Delaware, a father from Cuba who apparently has no friends left there…all of this adds up to one thing: COVER STORY. Ted Cruz is an alien. A foreign national at least. Did he even \*have \*parents, or was he grown in a lab? Grown in a lab to subvert the USA for the nefarious ends of whom? Steve Harper? Extraterrestrials? “Delaware”? And this guy gets into the Senate, and in his first year, never having served in Congress before, subverts the leadership of the majority party in the House. What? Now, that’s partly due to the term-limits culture and its contempt for seniority. Freshmen leading freshmen off the cliff. But what’s truly terrifying is that a defective clone from Canada, created to subvert the republic for the sake of an unholy alliance of petroleum interests and, say, extraterrestrial lizardmen, could enter that system, and exploit it to destroy the USA in a single year, before melting back into a puddle of goo. I’m not saying that’s what Ted Cruz is. I’m just saying he could be, and if he were, he could undermine Congress just as easily. ---
**Author:** ![Measure\_for\_Measure](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/measure_for_measure/32/557_2.png) [@Measure\_for\_Measure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Measure_for_Measure)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/2 "2013-10-06T20:01:00Z")
I think Bill Murray could play him in his upcoming biopic. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/3 "2013-10-06T20:03:49Z")
Here’s a fan with her $.02 about his Canadian birth: [ > [@Christina Katok](#): > > As far as I’m concerned, Canada is not really foreign soil. ]([http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/08/23/tea-partier-at-ted-cruz-town-hall-canada-is-not-really-foreign-soil/](http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/08/23/tea-partier-at-ted-cruz-town-hall-canada-is-not-really-foreign-soil/)) ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/4 "2013-10-06T20:13:27Z")
I think Cruz looks like a middle-aged woman…a very unattractive, middle-aged woman. If he grew his hair out there’s no way he’d be mistaken for a man. > [@Measure\_for\_Measure](#): > > I think Bill Murray could play him in his upcoming biopic. Hah! I see it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/5 "2013-10-06T20:14:21Z")
Pretty sure he’s an Earthling. He’s shown he can be mean enough to qualify. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/6 "2013-10-06T20:26:02Z")
He reminds me of Alcibiades. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/7 "2013-10-06T20:28:25Z")
He has eyebrows that make Harvard Law School graduates think, “That just takes smarmy too far,” and his comb-over is more fitting on a man twenty years his senior. Plus, his soul is pure evil. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/8 "2013-10-06T20:37:45Z")
Canada was tired of the joke about it being the 51st state, so it created Ted Cruz to destroy the USA. Look for Obama to invade Canada late next year. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/9 "2013-10-06T20:39:57Z")
[Blame Canada](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOR38552MJA)! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/10 "2013-10-06T20:44:11Z")
Funny someone mentioned the “attractive” thing. I mentioned something very much like that to the Err Apparent, just the other day. Cruz has all the elements, really. Good hairline, firm and jutting chin, strong jaw line, the elements that make a Kirk Douglas, for instance. Yet, somehow, they don’t quite fit together right, the whole is less than the sum of the parts. ---
**Author:** ![aNewLeaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@aNewLeaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aNewLeaf)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/11 "2013-10-06T20:48:35Z")
Ross Perot, Newt Gingrich, Phil Graham. Lots of aliens in government. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/12 "2013-10-06T20:49:06Z")
OP spelled ‘asshole’ incorrectly. OP: Yes. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/13 "2013-10-06T20:52:15Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Funny someone mentioned the “attractive” thing. I mentioned something very much like that to the Err Apparent, just the other day. Cruz has all the elements, really. Good hairline, firm and jutting chin, strong jaw line, the elements that make a Kirk Douglas, for instance. Yet, somehow, they don’t quite fit together right, the whole is less than the sum of the parts. In the Peabody-Essex Museum in Salem, MA there’s a mounted pelt of a penguin. It looks really weird, because the taxidermist who mounted the specimen got it from the sailors who captured it\*, and had evidently never seen a penguin or picture of one. He produced a model of a bird more along traditional “bird” lines, with a long neck, like an abbreviated swan, and with other un-penguinlike features. So perhaps Cruz isn’t actually an alien, but a simulacrum created by aliens who have all the parts, but have never actually seen a human being, and weren’t sure how all the parts fit together, so the result came out subtly wrong. - (Salem has a long history of maritime trade. I believe it to be one of the inspirations for Lovecraft’s Innsmouth, although I acknowledge the influence of Gloucester, Newburyport, and others.) ---
**Author:** ![Shoujin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoujin/32/3884_2.png) [@Shoujin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoujin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/14 "2013-10-06T21:19:07Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > (Salem has a long history of maritime trade. I believe it to be one of the inspirations for Lovecraft’s Innsmouth, although I acknowledge the influence of Gloucester, Newburyport, and others.) He’s a deep one. Worships Dagon. Lives in Marbehead Neck. Has a fish fry from time to time. Pure evil. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/15 "2013-10-06T21:40:05Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > In the Peabody-Essex Museum in Salem, MA there’s a mounted pelt of a penguin. It looks really weird, because the taxidermist who mounted the specimen got it from the sailors who captured it\*, and had evidently never seen a penguin or picture of one. He produced a model of a bird more along traditional “bird” lines, with a long neck, like an abbreviated swan, and with other un-penguinlike features. You can’t tell that story and not [post a picture](http://newenglandboating.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/NEBTV_Salem_Stuffed-penguin-at-the-PEM.jpg), dude ! Reminds me of the derpy lion of Sweden. King Frederick I received the pelt as a gift from some Saharan potentate, had his royal taxidermist stuff it. The guy [evidently](http://static02.mediaite.com/geekosystem/uploads/2011/04/doofy-lion.jpg)had never seen a live lion before, and even housecats might have been alien to that creative genius who did what he could. That or he was high as a kite on the job. ---
**Author:** ![Twoflower](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/twoflower/32/22_2.png) [@Twoflower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Twoflower)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/16 "2013-10-06T21:47:59Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > Delaware, as we know,\* probably does not exist,\* and if it does exist, is known for harboring various corporations that want to avoid taxation. As we all know, corporations are people, my friend. Maybe his mother was a corporation. That _would_ explain a lot … ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/17 "2013-10-06T22:01:23Z")
And he was designed by a committee. That works. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/18 "2013-10-06T22:09:54Z")
I always thought he resembled Joe McCarthy: [http://newsbusters.org/sites/default/files/main\_photos/2013/April/Cruz%20McCarthy%20423.png?1366752871](http://newsbusters.org/sites/default/files/main_photos/2013/April/Cruz%20McCarthy%20423.png?1366752871) He looks a little like him, too. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/19 "2013-10-06T23:02:17Z")
Apparently nobody can remember him from when he was in Canada. Are you people sure that htis “Calgary” thing is not just a deep cover story? Has anyone considered a DNA test with some of Fidel Castro’s family? I’m just saying that people are talking about this possibility… ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524/20 "2013-10-06T23:06:06Z")
Woah! I just heard that Ted Cruz _used his own personal money_ to keep a federal museum open during the shutdown. The thing is… The museum is “The Castro Centre”, dedicated to showing how great Cuba is doing under communism. I’ve heard it in various places, so it must be true. It was on the internet and everything. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-ted-cruz-an-alien/670524.md?page=2)