# Is telling someone "Fuck you" in a PM a rules violation? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [July 13, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844 "2016-07-13T19:56:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/1 "2016-07-13T19:56:39Z")
Today I received one of the funniest PM I have ever gotten in all my years here at the Dope. Yesterday I had an exchange with a fellow Doper. Well, I guess he didn’t like what I had to say because today I got a PM from him. In the title it read: “Hello, I think we got started off on the wrong foot” And then when I clicked on the PM, the body read: “Fuck you! And welcome to my ignore list! :D” For his sake, I sincerely hope this guy was kidding. Because, if serious, that’s both kind of sad and funny. Especially when you consider the exchange itself, wasn’t really all that bad. Anyway, whether it’s against the rules or not, I have no intention of reporting him. I’m just curious if the PM is a violation. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/2 "2016-07-13T20:09:16Z")
Damfino. Let me send it around the loop and see what people think. Can you send me the PM for review? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/3 "2016-07-13T20:12:13Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > Damfino. Let me send it around the loop and see what people think. Can you send me the PM for review? I will if you can promise me the person in question will not get a warning. As I said, I don’t wish to turn the person in. I’m just asking out of curiosity. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/4 "2016-07-13T20:17:47Z")
I’ve asked the vague question on the loop. Let’s let it sit if you’re worried then. But maybe we can form policy without it. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/5 "2016-07-13T20:39:43Z")
From the guidelines: “Since they are treated as postings, the rules of conduct for private messages are the same as those of the general forums of the Straight Dope Message Board, starting, but not ending, with our most basic rule: Don’t be a jerk.” So yes, it would be a violation of board rules and therefore warnable. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/6 "2016-07-13T20:47:11Z")
The OP does not wish to report this particular PM, but just to remind everyone, if you have an issue with a PM, you can report the PM similarly to the way that you report a post. PM reports don’t go to a specific moderator, but they are checked periodically. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/7 "2016-07-13T20:47:37Z")
Thanks **JC**. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/8 "2016-07-13T21:10:53Z")
It’s not that hard to figure out who it is, you know. Just sayin’. I would also like to state that I, personally, would treat PMs like The Pit, and run them by much looser rules except in the case of stalking or on-going harassment. Telling another poster “Fuck you!” in a PM isn’t going to affect the decorum of this august salon in the least. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/9 "2016-07-13T21:15:19Z")
It’s not me, is it? I think I’d know if it were me. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/10 "2016-07-13T21:22:08Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > It’s not that hard to figure out who it is, you know. Just sayin’. > > I would also like to state that I, personally, would treat PMs like The Pit, and run them by much looser rules except in the case of stalking or on-going harassment. Telling another poster “Fuck you!” in a PM isn’t going to affect the decorum of this august salon in the least. But you can’t say “Fuck you” in the Pit, either. Meh, I like things the way they are. The two things I think might be useful is being able to politely inform someone they are on your ignore list (to avoid wasting time talking to you), and to be able to warn someone that you think the person they are talking to is probably a troll, without posting in the Pit and giving the troll attention. Heck, maybe just that last one. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/11 "2016-07-13T21:32:54Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > I would also like to state that I, personally, would treat PMs like The Pit, and run them by much looser rules except in the case of stalking or on-going harassment. Telling another poster “Fuck you!” in a PM isn’t going to affect the decorum of this august salon in the least. We take these on a case-by-case basis. If someone sends a PM based on an argument that happened in the Pit, then obviously we’ll take into consideration that this was something most likely sent in anger. On the other hand, saying the same type of F-you PM just out of the blue without any circumstances behind it will be looked on differently and would likely be modded more strictly. We don’t get too many PM reports, and the ones that we do get tend to be for things like threats or someone socking up after being banned just so they can send a nasty PM to someone. You don’t have to worry about us clamping down on things said in PMs. We’re not going to throw the book at you for making a political jab in a PM regarding a GQ thread or anything like that. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/12 "2016-07-13T21:35:09Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > It’s not that hard to figure out who it is, you know. Just sayin’. > > I would also like to state that I, personally, would treat PMs like The Pit, and run them by much looser rules except in the case of stalking or on-going harassment. Telling another poster “Fuck you!” in a PM isn’t going to affect the decorum of this august salon in the least. Only if we could also use the ignore button for PMs. I’ve never used the ignore option on anyone, so maybe it already works that way-- I wouldn’t know. Otherwise, we’d have endless flame wars in the PM-verse. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/13 "2016-07-13T21:38:16Z")
If you put someone on your ignore list, they won’t be able to send you a PM. You can’t put moderators on your ignore list. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/14 "2016-07-13T21:48:32Z")
> [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > You can’t put moderators on your ignore list. Is that a feature or a bug? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2016, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/15 "2016-07-13T21:48:58Z")
> [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > You don’t have to worry about us clamping down on things said in PMs. We’re not going to throw the book at you for making a political jab in a PM regarding a GQ thread or anything like that. I wasn’t worried about that in the least. I make my political jabs out in the open in GQ and get warned for them, as Og intended! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2016, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/16 "2016-07-14T15:54:33Z")
See, it’s exactly this kind of slippery slope that boosts membership in the National Fuck You Association. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2016, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/17 "2016-07-14T23:01:29Z")
What if I send a rules-violating PM to myself? Is it ok since its to myself? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/18 "2016-07-15T17:41:27Z")
Cant we say “Fuck you!” in the Pit?😕 ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/19 "2016-07-15T18:03:42Z")
id report it just on the immaturity of it… seems like something a 12 year old would think its funny doing ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844/20 "2016-07-15T18:08:17Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Cant we say “Fuck you!” in the Pit?😕 [Absolutely not.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=508858) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-telling-someone-fuck-you-in-a-pm-a-rules-violation/759844.md?page=2)