# Is that a fat woman gets to see a short guy as "equivalent" a form of sexual affirmative action? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 23, 2016, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108 "2016-06-23T02:26:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/101 "2016-06-23T19:02:38Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > No he has said he is short, himself. > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19314224&postcount=324](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19314224&postcount=324) Hmmm. He thinks acceptance of transgender people is a conspiracy by feminists in order to punish him because transgenders will be the only ones unattractive enough to be willing to fuck him. I think they’ll be just as discriminatory as fat women. ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/102 "2016-06-23T19:04:44Z")
The thing that annoys me about all this is that men get shamed for not being attracted to fat women while women _don’t_ get shamed for not being attracted to short guys. If anything, it’s _worse_ being a short guy. At least a fat girl can lose the weight. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/103 "2016-06-23T19:09:12Z")
In general no one is being shamed for not being attracted to fat people, men or women. (This being the internet I’m sure you can find a shrill exception to that rule.) However it is nice to treat people, fat or short, with basic human dignity and respect, even if you’re not going to fuck them. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/104 "2016-06-23T19:18:27Z")
> [@DerekMichaels00](#): > > The latter is said on feminist shows all the time. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/105 "2016-06-23T19:25:41Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > No he has said he is short, himself. > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19314224&postcount=324](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19314224&postcount=324) And from earlier in the same thread, he says he is 5’1. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19308417&postcount=40](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=19308417&postcount=40) ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/106 "2016-06-23T19:28:02Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > In general no one is being shamed for not being attracted to fat people, men or women. (This being the internet I’m sure you can find a shrill exception to that rule.) However it is nice to treat people, fat or short, with basic human dignity and respect, even if you’re not going to fuck them. I know _I’ve_ been shamed for it. A friend of mine tried to set me up with one of her…shall we say “Rubenesque” friends and, when I declined (as tactfully as possible, mind), she got all pissy with me. _“It’s because she’s FAT, isn’t it?!”_ And this is from a girl who has a rule about not dating anyone under 6ft. It’s a total double-standard. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/107 "2016-06-23T19:33:13Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > I know _I’ve_ been shamed for it. A friend of mine tried to set me up with one of her…shall we say “Rubenesque” friends and, when I declined (as tactfully as possible, mind), she got all pissy with me. _“It’s because she’s FAT, isn’t it?!”_ And this is from a girl who has a rule about not dating anyone under 6ft. > > It’s a total double-standard. I’d shame your friend for being a jerk. What business of hers is it why you don’t want to date her friend? At this point you’re entitled to say, “Yes, I’m not attracted to her.” If she walks off in a huff, I don’t think you’ve lost much, friend-wise. ETA: Or, you could just say to her “Didn’t you once say you wouldn’t date anyone under six feet?” and see what she says. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/108 "2016-06-23T19:33:32Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > I know _I’ve_ been shamed for it. A friend of mine tried to set me up with one of her…shall we say “Rubenesque” friends and, when I declined (as tactfully as possible, mind), she got all pissy with me. _“It’s because she’s FAT, isn’t it?!”_ And this is from a girl who has a rule about not dating anyone under 6ft. > > It’s a total double-standard. I have noted this behavior as well. In general, in society, if a man turns down a woman due to physical appearance, he is being “shallow” or “body-shaming” her. If a woman turns down a man due to physical appearance, then society is likely to defend her: “The heart wants what the heart wants!” I theorize that the reason is that historically women have been judged more for their appearance than men, so society is finally having a backlash against that, but woman are considered to be judging men on the basis of their psychological attributes, so if a woman rejects a man due to height, she’s not being shallow, she is considering him to lack character or spine or strength or dignity Something along those lines. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/109 "2016-06-23T19:57:33Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > If a woman turns down a man due to physical appearance, then society is likely to defend her: “The heart wants what the heart wants!” Cite? Because, if you recall, this is not a thread about defending fat women. This is a thread about how fat women should be honored if anyone makes a pass at them, “instead of acting all prissy and spoiled.”, as the OP put it. So you perhaps you can pony up some support for your notion that Society in general is more likely to encourage fat women to follow their sexy dreams rather than shame them for having dreams at all. ---
**Author:** ![DerekMichaels00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f14d63/32.png) [@DerekMichaels00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DerekMichaels00)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/110 "2016-06-23T20:02:37Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > I know _I’ve_ been shamed for it. A friend of mine tried to set me up with one of her…shall we say “Rubenesque” friends and, when I declined (as tactfully as possible, mind), she got all pissy with me. _“It’s because she’s FAT, isn’t it?!”_ And this is from a girl who has a rule about not dating anyone under 6ft. > > It’s a total double-standard. well said. Its sexual communism at its worst. Help “oppressed” women at the expense of “oppressor” men, tho of course the easiest target of men. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/111 "2016-06-23T20:05:48Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > Oh, good Christ. Do you really think **Anaamika** is serious? Or that any of those comments were anything but much deserved jabs at the OP? Get real. > > And just to clue you in, Randy Newman wasn’t serious about hating short people either. FTR yes it was a joke. The OP didn’t exactly post something I felt deserved a serious answer. I’ve been with short guys and tall guys. I don’t deny I prefer men taller than me. That doesn’t mean I’d never date a shorter guy. But I am totally allowed to have preferences. Hell I always “preferred” blue eyes and silky blond hair. I ended up with the stereotypical tall dark and handsome. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/112 "2016-06-23T20:06:44Z")
> [@DerekMichaels00](#): > > well said. Its sexual communism at its worst. Help “oppressed” women at the expense of “oppressor” men, tho of course the easiest target of men. \*\* DerekMichaels00\*\*, while you raise valid points here and there, the way you communicate your views is wholly counterproductive. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/113 "2016-06-23T20:09:51Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Cite? > > Because, if you recall, this is not a thread about defending fat women. This is a thread about how fat women should be honored if anyone makes a pass at them, “instead of acting all prissy and spoiled.”, as the OP put it. > > So you perhaps you can pony up some support for your notion that Society in general is more likely to encourage fat women to follow their sexy dreams rather than shame them for having dreams at all. No women get the old bullshit of " you can have sex anytime you want! Anytime!!!" Which might be the truth\* but we can’t have sex with anybody we want either. If sex was our only goal and we could get off as easily as men do that might be an advantage but I promise you I am not bringing Jude law lookalikes home from the bar. Men act like we don’t have to settle. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/114 "2016-06-23T20:11:11Z")
> [@DerekMichaels00](#): > > well said. Its sexual communism at its worst. Help “oppressed” women at the expense of “oppressor” men, tho of course the easiest target of men. Wouldn’t sexual communism actually be what you’re demanding? To get your “rightful portion” no matter what her opinion on the subject is. Mind you, said portion must be up to your standards, of course. You get to choose, women do not. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/115 "2016-06-23T20:24:58Z")
What is sexual communism? Free love hippy communes? Or Marxist-style, “someone will pick up the trash because someone is meant to be a trash collector” communism? Or is it “Let’s put the women in a love camp for the men to stop by and visit” communism? One of these sounds better than the other, in case you were wondering. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/116 "2016-06-23T20:26:03Z")
> [@DerekMichaels00](#): > > well said. Its sexual communism at its worst. Help “oppressed” women at the expense of “oppressor” men, tho of course the easiest target of men. All kidding aside, if you don’t want to have sex with a particular woman, I won’t insist that you do so; and if a particular woman doesn’t want to have sex with you, I won’t insist that she do so – because I figure, hey, if you’re both consenting adults, it’s not really my business; and if either of you finds the other one unacceptable, I’ll stand by to perform a citizen’s arrest if the rejected party won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Is that me acting like a communist? Or preaching something like unto affirmative action? Or is it more like an exponent of free markets and voluntary transactions? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/117 "2016-06-23T20:31:06Z")
> [@DerekMichaels00](#): > > well said. Its sexual communism at its worst. Help “oppressed” women at the expense of “oppressor” men, tho of course the easiest target of men. “Sexual communism” sounds like it would be forcing people to have sex with those they don’t want to, and what you’re describing doesn’t do this at all. Rather, what you’re complaining about, seems to be that people who aren’t attracted to you won’t have sex with you. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/118 "2016-06-23T20:36:42Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > \*\* > DerekMichaels00\*\*, while you raise valid points here and there, the way you communicate your views is wholly counterproductive. I’ve read through this entire thread and yet to see any valid points. I’m a short, fat woman married to a short, thin man. I love short men. I love men. Holy fuck, do I love me some men! My husband is 5’7’'. I know this is going to be a really hard concept for some people, but some of us do not give a god damn about society’s alleged rules of attraction. Nobody is obligated to me attracted to me and I am not obligated to be attracted to them. I don’t give a fuck how tall or fat you are; if you’re a flaming asshole I want nothing to do with you. The OP is one of those guys that is going to be miserable for the rest of his life and never understand why. It is a serious goddamn tragedy, and I mean that. There is an entire world of love and fulfillment and acceptance that lies just beyond your peripheral vision, but as long as you feel entitled to any of it, you’ll never see it. > [@Anaamika](#): > > I don’t date short guys, I just use them for sex and then discard them afterwards. To coin the immortal Madeline Kahn, [short] men should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable. > [@Anaamika](#): > > Feminist shows?! There are feminist shows and I’ve missed them? FWIW, your posts in this thread have made this clusterfuck well worth it. > [@MrDibble](#): > > Tyrion Lannister got all the mad action he could handle (first few season, anyway). I’d do him. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/119 "2016-06-23T20:51:31Z")
> [@DerekMichaels00](#): > > well said. Its sexual communism at its worst. Help “oppressed” women at the expense of “oppressor” men, tho of course the easiest target of men. Sounds like you’re the one advocating sexual communism. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” You want to be given something just because you need it, even though you have nothing anybody wants in return. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2016, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108/120 "2016-06-23T21:00:42Z")
> [@Tithonus](#): > > I know _I’ve_ been shamed for it. A friend of mine tried to set me up with one of her…shall we say “Rubenesque” friends and, when I declined (as tactfully as possible, mind), she got all pissy with me. _“It’s because she’s FAT, isn’t it?!”_ And this is from a girl who has a rule about not dating anyone under 6ft. > > It’s a total double-standard. Yes, it does sound like your friend has a total double standard. That said, I’ve never seen any short man discussed with the disdain and hatred as I have seen men talk about fat women. Or other women talk about fat women, for that matter. As I said, I am a fan of short men so I have a hard time wrapping my head around this in general. But generally speaking, people are attracted to who they are attracted to, period. When you feel the need to denigrate the type of person you aren’t attracted to, however, because it does not fit your preference, then you are a flaming asshole, whether the person you are denigrating is short, or fat, or whatever. And flaming assholes are _extremely_ unattractive. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-that-a-fat-woman-gets-to-see-a-short-guy-as-equivalent-a-form-of-sexual-affirmative-action/758108.md?page=7)