# Is the model of online dating unsustainable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 17, 2005, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010 "2005-03-17T17:29:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/101 "2005-03-18T21:44:23Z")
> [@Wesley Clark](#): > > Hmmm. Can you go into more detail on this stuff? Most men I know who are good with women always bring this piece of advice up, but most men do not follow it. > > The way I see it in western civilization it is more or less a woman’s market dating-wise. Think about it this way… if a girl wanted to get a guy’s attention, she wouldn’t talk about her cats, her job, her church and the books she reads. Instead, she’d talk about things like going to South Padre, nights out on the town, cooking good food, etc… and it wouldn’t hurt to throw in something slightly suggestive also. You have to do something similar- figure out what it is that the girls you’re going for like to do- if you want a party girl, talk about that kind of thing. If you want an outdoorsy girl, talk about roller blading, camping, surfing and stuff like that and how you enjoy doing it. Mine was a pretty idiotic profile- it said something like “I want to go out and have fun.” Nothing about relationships, nothing about what I don’t like. Just an open invitation to find out what I was talking about. Another thing to keep in mind is that most women aren’t looking at online dating as THE way to find a mate. All the ones I’ve dated or who I’ve talked to are basically using it as an adjunct method to meeting people- they don’t concentrate on it to the exclusion of meeting people in more conventional ways. As a result, they are just looking for something light and fun at first- some flirty emails, then maybe a few phone calls, then some drinks, and if all that works out, then it might turn into something more than just an easy fun date. That’s what you’re shooting for, to get your foot in the door for the phone calls and then the light drinks date, not to snare yourself a soulmate. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/102 "2005-03-18T22:23:32Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > But I liiiike that photo, the resolution and the color are good plus I look flirty (I think). But youre probably right. Although, right now, I’m just occasionally sending messages to guys I think are cute and have been having a decent return rate. . Nooo! Leave it, I like it. Dare i say you look cute in that one… ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/103 "2005-03-19T02:03:10Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > Dangit it **tremor** , what did we tell you about that picture with your hand in front of your face in the last thread? That and some better captions might spruce things up. No, no, no! That’s my favorite picture. It’s kind of playfully demure and nice highlights on the bright red hair that don’t show up in the outdoor pics. It might be a bit suspicious if that were the only image, as if she were hiding some kind of horrible disfiguration, but the other pictures dispell that notion. I’m a little scared of the “pose” picture, though: not because of Volkswagons parking on your arm or your intimidatingly slender figure, but Wicked-Witch-Of-The-East ruby slippers. Man, those things are pointy. 😃 Since it’s not a flirt thread (and I suck at that anyway) I won’t flirt, but it’s just too bad I’m approximately 1376.74 miles away from your town, 'cause…well, let’s just say, ;). Ah well, my barely comprehensible Japanese is in a sadly lapsed state, anyway. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/104 "2005-03-19T03:40:53Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Also, try: \*I’ve got a masters in chemistry and currently working in my field doing (fill in highly technical term) which in layman’s terms means (fill in funny definition that everyone can relate to). \* I think I’m going to leave out the bit about working with radiation. That tends to scare people off… > [@](#): > > How’s that? 😃 Good, but you don’t need to hold back. 😉 Are IMs before an e-mail considered fine or creepy? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/105 "2005-03-19T03:46:04Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > Are IMs before an e-mail considered fine or creepy? The nice thing about an email is the person has time to formulate a response. IMs are harder to reply to (hard to research the person). On the other hand, a chat room or something of that nature (don’t know if any of the dating sites have such a beast), could be a very nice place indeed. Real-time interaction but with the possibility of lurking/assessing before entering a conversation. ---
**Author:** ![tadc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f07891/32.png) [@tadc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tadc)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/106 "2005-03-19T07:52:20Z")
I dunno if this is something specific to my area, but [Craigslist](http://www.craigslist.org) has been pretty good to me so far. However, I don’t post M4W ads(which are numerous and lame), I reply to the W4M ads. My reply ratio is somewhere between 5:1 and 10:1(sent:answered). 4 actual first dates in 3 months(which is 3 more than I’d had in the previous year), but the first one resulted in a brief relationship so there were several weeks that I wasn’t trying. They have sites for most major cities. Seems to be more popular with the 20 and 30somethings, but that’s probably reflective of the internet in general. I think there’s something about the pay-for sites that changes the whole dynamic(for the worse). Also, I prefer free-form messages to the “fill in the blanks” profiles. hope I didn’t just give away my secret… ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/107 "2005-03-19T14:42:54Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > I’m a little scared of the “pose” picture, though: not because of Volkswagons parking on your arm or your intimidatingly slender figure, but Wicked-Witch-Of-The-East ruby slippers. Man, those things are pointy. 😃 > > Since it’s not a flirt thread (and I suck at that anyway) I won’t flirt, but it’s just too bad I’m approximately 1376.74 miles away from your town, 'cause…well, let’s just say, ;). Dang, foiled by geography. 🙂 And 75% of my shoes are pointy and ridiculously impractical so we must not be soul mates. (I’m _not_ making the horribly obvious pun) (OK, I’m stopping with the flirting (which isn’t my usual MO either) before I _really_ annoy **Elmwood** for hijacking his thread and get pitted. But thanks for the props, right back at ya.) > [@kidchameleon](#): > > Are IMs before an e-mail considered fine or creepy? I don’t like IM before email. It feels like someone just calling you up without being properly introduced. But I’ve never really gotten into the whole IM thing anyway, maybe the women who are more used to it wouldn’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010/108 "2005-03-19T19:23:59Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > So if you’re shooting for the moon and it’s not working then it’s because the odds are stacked against you. If you are being realistic and it’s not working, it’s because you probably need to refine your approach. In my post I already stated that I am not “shooting for the moon.” I am being overly realistic and not being picky whatsoever. And lets just say that in the 6-7 years I have been doing the online matchmaking service thing I have refined my approach in many ways. I have experimented with the wording of profiles, written creative emails that I could sell as some sort of clever poetry, sold myself as humble, portrayed myself as confident, used different photos, and my personality has even changed and grown from my very first profile. My “approach” doesn’t need refinement. Online dating is a crock. Either that or for some odd reason all the women are intimidated by me, think I am a player, or no matter how clever I make myself to be, they feel I am an idiot. [Here](http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?ortp=1&TP=U&uid=xkCGS%2bIcuyDhkrtaht7puQ%3d%3d&sid=19DC41D1-E9F0-4E91-9513-2A529C352871&trackingid=0&theme=211&lid=21) is my old [match.com](http://match.com) personal. Not my most clever by any means, but when I wrote it, my clever and witty personal wasn’t working either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-model-of-online-dating-unsustainable/295010.md?page=5)