# Is the Mormon practice of "soaking" a real thing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2024, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223 "2024-08-26T02:45:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/21 "2024-08-26T20:25:42Z")
> [@MW\_Degen\_Gamblr](#): > > This is crazy. Don’t kink shame. It’s none of your business what consenting adults do in privacy. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/22 "2024-08-26T20:27:38Z")
I wouldn’t mind a serious answer as to penalties for failure on behalf of the male and the female. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/23 "2024-08-26T20:46:48Z")
I have heard of this, sort of, but i thought there was a requirement that a sheet (with an appropriately-seized and -placed hole) must be between the, err, soakers. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/24 "2024-08-26T20:49:26Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I wouldn’t mind a serious answer as to penalties for failure on behalf of the male and the female As the link I shared in post #2 (written by an LDS church member) notes, “soaking” is, AFAICT, **not** a condoned activity by the LDS church. To the extent that unmarried couples even engage in it, it appears to be in a misguided effort to exploit an urban-legend loophole in the LDS prohibition against premarital sex. So, whether or not the couple “succeeds” or “fails” at actually engaging in penetration without moving, it makes no difference – they’ve still engaged in premarital sex, and would face any church sanctions (which Wikipedia indicates [could be as harsh as excommunication, in severe cases](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexuality_and_the_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints#Chastity)) based on the fact that they had sexual relations, not because they tried, and failed, to “soak.” I have no idea if the potential punishment for engaging in premarital sex is any harsher for men versus women, but it would also seem that it would come down to whether the couple told anyone that they did it, whether church leadership found out about it, and how often they did it. I also would suspect that part of any potential punishment, in the case of a young person, could result in them not being allowed to go on mission (or to have their mission ended early, if it happened during their mission period); that might impact males more than females, as I believe that, even though young LDS women are allowed to become missionaries, most of their missionaries are still men. ---
**Author:** ![vbob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vbob/32/4439_2.png) [@vbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vbob)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2024, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/25 "2024-08-26T20:51:49Z")
> [@Pleonast](#): > > It’s none of your business what consenting adults do in privacy. It’s none of your business what consenting adults don’t in privacy. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/26 "2024-08-27T03:22:50Z")
Or “_Mind Your Own Damn Business_” – that’s the T-shirt that old out the fastest at the Democratic Party booth t the Minnesota State Fair this weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/27 "2024-08-27T04:07:34Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > but i thought there was a requirement that a sheet (with an appropriately-seized and -placed hole) must be between the, err, soakers And I’ve heard the same rumor about both Muslims and Jews. Sex rumors about other religions are almost certainly false in every case. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/28 "2024-08-27T04:16:58Z")
I dunno. I’m hard pressed to think of a Catholic one that’s not founded in fact. [Although Cecil was dubious on the Vatican porn library](https://www.straightdope.com/21341245/does-the-vatican-have-the-world-s-largest-pornography-collection) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/29 "2024-08-27T14:23:47Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > It probably has happened in real life a few times, but the concept is mostly kept alive as a thing to be outraged against, rather than by the much smaller group of people who would actually do it. As a former Mormon I would agree with this. No doubt someone has done it, but not as much as what the news suggests. Growing up as a TBM (true believing Mormon), you can’t believe how much pressure the church places on people to refrain from sexual activities, including masturbation. As such, very horny, repressed and conflicted teens and young adults abound. And, we all know that that age of kids will also repeat urban legends as happening to a friend of a friend, their own friend, or themselves. Another important consideration is that BYU has a strict honor code, and having sex can have a negative effect academically. Also, non-Mormons at BYU, including athletes, have to abide by the same honor code. Having honor code violations can result in the loss of a scholarship or being kicked off the team. Someone facing that will look for any loophole. Pat McAfee, host of a sports show bearing his name, l[earned of soaking in this segment](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z0qzqPAUVU), and even brings on a former BYU player to ask about it. They look at it from the BYU football players’ perspective and include the part about the roommate shaking the bed. According to the version he heard, the couple do it on the top bunk and the roommate shakes or kicks the bed from below. > [@Czarcasm](#): > > I wouldn’t mind a serious answer as to penalties for failure on behalf of the male and the female. No real difference between penalties for males and females. > **off topic** > > However, there is a problem where victims of date rape are penalized as if they were willing participants, or if they are BYU students, they are penalized for violations of the honor code, such as having a man in their apartment or drinking. > > There have been cases where a woman has reported a date rape to the police and the police have leaked that information to the committee handing the honor code. > [@kenobi\_65](#): > > I also would suspect that part of any potential punishment, in the case of a young person, could result in them not being allowed to go on mission (or to have their mission ended early, if it happened during their mission period); that might impact males more than females, as I believe that, even though young LDS women are allowed to become missionaries, most of their missionaries are still men. There is a repentance process for going on a mission after having had sex, and involves talking to a General Authority (the top leadership). > **off topic** > > This process can be lengthy and involved, depending on the whims of the GA. > > When I was growing up, there was what was called the Federal Heights Syndrome from the affluent neighborhood of that name. Rich kids in my high school lived in that area and usually had personal connections with a GA from their congregation, or were related to a GA and could get that process done quickly and quietly. Missionaries are sent home early if they have sex, which is one of a very limited number of reasons for that discipline. People know how long they should be out of their missions, so anyone coming home early was pretty much suspected of that particular sin. Back in the early 80s when I was a missionary, only about 10% were sister missionaries, but that has changed recently, with some estimates as high as 40%. Back to the question in the OP, looking on ex-mormon reddit, there are opinions on both sides, that it’s an urban legend and also that it’s a real thing. I suspect that it’s more urban legend than real, despite people. On LDS reddit, the only mention of soaking seems to be laundry care for the special undergarments and soaking in knowledge from leaders. ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/30 "2024-08-27T14:54:26Z")
FWIW I was pushing a config change to one of my servers yesterday, and the process involves rolling out the change to a few replicas and then “soaking” the change for 15 minutes to collect statistics about whether the canary replicas were crashing/serving above-average error rates before completing the push. Almost had to explain why saying “my config change is still soaking” was causing a chuckle. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/31 "2024-08-27T15:39:44Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > No real difference between penalties for males and females. Unless males can become pregnant, that can’t really be true, can it? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/32 "2024-08-27T18:12:38Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Unless males can become pregnant, that can’t really be true, can it? When you initially asked that question, you literally excluded pregnancy from your question. > [@Czarcasm](#): > > Rarity and/or ridiculousness aside, what is the punishment for the male for failure, as opposed to punishment for the female for failure (besides becoming an unmarried pregnant woman, that is)? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/33 "2024-08-27T18:15:06Z")
And the actual answer is…? No matter how rare it was, it seems to me that there must have been some sort of procedure, some sort of rules…and some sort of punishment and/or penalty for failure. What were they? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/34 "2024-08-27T18:27:01Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > No matter how rare it was, it seems to me that there must have been some sort of procedure, some sort of rules…and some sort of punishment and/or penalty for failure. What were they? Already answered upthread, by @TokyoBayer and myself. There’s zero evidence that “soaking” is accepted by the LDS as being “not sexual relations,” and so, there is no such thing as “failure.” A couple who tries it, _whether or not they succeed in not moving_, are engaged in sexual activity, and subject to the punishments the LDS church places on church members who engage in premarital sex. There is, as far as we can tell, **no specific penalty** for “soaking failure.” ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/35 "2024-08-27T18:36:41Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > There’s zero evidence that “soaking” is accepted by the LDS as being “not sexual relations,” and so, there is no such thing as “failure.” It doesn’t officially happen. Yes, I understand that part, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen at all. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/36 "2024-08-27T18:39:15Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Yes, I understand that part, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen at all. It seems that in the eyes of the LDS Church, soaking = fucking, so they already have rules about that. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/37 "2024-08-27T18:39:54Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > It doesn’t officially happen. It isn’t that it “doesn’t happen,” it is just having sex (badly). Therefore, the “punishments” as laid out above for premarital sex are what come into play. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/38 "2024-08-27T18:41:09Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen at all. No, but it means that the LDS church doesn’t have a _specific_ penalty for “soaking failure” (which is what you seem to have asked about several times now), because there is zero evidence that the church views soaking any differently from any other sexual activity. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/39 "2024-08-27T18:47:22Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > No, but it means that the LDS church doesn’t have a _specific_ penalty for “soaking failure” (which is what you seem to have asked about several times now), What I seem to be asking has _nothing_ to do with the official practices of the LDS Church. As pointed out, it is/was an obscure practice by some Mormons. I am just asking about what exactly those obscure practices by some Mormons might have been. There are many Mormon sects that used to and/or still exist that differ from the official postion of the Official Church of Latter Day Saints. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2024, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223/40 "2024-08-27T18:52:20Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > As pointed out, it is/was an obscure practice by some Mormons. I am just asking about what exactly those obscure practices by some Mormons might have been. If that is what you’ve been trying to ask all along, your previous attempts to ask your question did not make this clear at all, at least not to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-mormon-practice-of-soaking-a-real-thing/1006223.md?page=3)