# Is the "new uncle" being kind of a prick? or what? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2009, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354 "2009-11-12T20:48:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dublin11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dublin11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dublin11)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/21 "2009-11-12T22:38:22Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > **Took my sons over to my (their) aunt’s house yesterday.** > > Kids have always referred to their aunt as “Aunt Krissy”. Krissy has just recently married. Kids have met Frank before but they haven’t spent a lot of time with him. Still getting to know him basically. It’s not all that clear to me whether this Krissy woman is your aunt or your kids’ aunt. Whichever is the case, if she’s Aunt Krissy to your kids, then he should be Uncle Frank. **But** maybe in his family, the degree of the actual blood or marriage relationship has an influence on the terms used to address a person. Maybe aunts and uncles are defined as the siblings of the parent of the kid in question. Maybe aunts of Mums and Dads get called Mr and Mrs X and maybe the spouse of blood aunts and uncles also get called by the formal term of address. If that is the case and Krissy is going to meet his nieces and nephews and ask to be called Aunt Krissy, rather than Mrs Frank, his family is going to think she’s an arse. Same as you, as a member of Krissy’s family think he is. The bottom line is that it’s up to his wife to explain the family nomenclature as used in your family and if he’s not an arse, he should respect it. And the same goes for her. Have you mentioned any of this to Krissy? She’s the key. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2009, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/22 "2009-11-12T22:54:26Z")
I’ll vote for “prick.” In a related story, I know some kids who (at least for a time, if not still to this day) were told to address their grandmother as “Aunt Jane,” because being called “Grandma” made her feel old. Not enough :rolleyes: in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/23 "2009-11-13T02:59:06Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Is she an aunt by blood or marriage? If it is blood, he IS their uncle, no matter what the jackass thinks. If it is by marriage only, she is their aunt, and technically he is not their uncle, but in general uncle is an honoriffic of people who are close friends to a relative of a kid if they are going to be in contact frequently enough. Sure he’s their uncle. If all your blood aunts and uncles are married, their spouses are just as much your uncles and aunts as the blood relations. There’s no “you’re not really my uncle because you’re not a Smith” or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/24 "2009-11-13T03:11:23Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > I have an idea what Terrance and Phillip would say. “Do you like apples?” “Yes.” {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{F_A_R\*T}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} “How do you like them apples?” ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/25 "2009-11-13T03:20:20Z")
Prick. Its a powerplay. Uncle is an appropriate honorific for someone who married their aunt (or great aunt). ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/26 "2009-11-13T03:23:30Z")
She’s their aunt. If he’s married to her, then he’s their uncle. Period. As soon as my Aunt Katie got engaged, I started referring to my now uncle as “Uncle Bill.” I vote major, stick-up-the-ass prick. _Sir_? (How did your kids react?) ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/27 "2009-11-13T03:28:08Z")
The only way I can think of in which he might not be their uncle is if “Aunt Krissy” was their aunt by marriage (i.e. **Shakes** brother marries Krissy and later dies; the children have known her as “Aunt Krissy” since they were little and thus continue to call her that; Krissy later marries Frank who prefers not to be called “Uncle” (to some extent) out of respect for his wife’s late husband (the children’s “real” uncle).) This is the situation in my family and my cousins (my mother’s sister’s children) don’t call my step-mother Aunt First-Name. (I think they refer to her as First-Name, but I’m not sure; it’s been a while since those two branches of the family tree crossed paths.) That being said (in the absence of this kind of details) it sounds like Frank is just a prick (especially given the preference for Mr. Last-Name or Sir over Frank from the kids.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/28 "2009-11-13T03:41:03Z")
The poor benighted soul seems sadly unaware of the familial obligations one assumes upon marriage. Bless his heart. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/29 "2009-11-13T03:55:57Z")
I’d talk to the aunt and see what’s up, but damh, he seems too uptight, which is too bad because there are fewer simple joys in life than being a favorate uncle. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/30 "2009-11-13T04:03:51Z")
Possibly he is, but it’s up to him how he prefers to be addressed. His decision should be respected. ---
**Author:** ![jasonh300](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@jasonh300](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jasonh300)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/31 "2009-11-13T04:09:54Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > How old are the kids? > > If they’re little, yes, he’s being a jerk. If they’re older (like 9) then not so much. They know he’s not their uncle and he knows it. So he’d like a less familiar name. Uhh…yes, he is their uncle, whether he wants to be or not. Your aunt’s husband is your uncle. It’s an in-law situation, but there’s no such thing as an uncle-in-law. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/32 "2009-11-13T04:42:39Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > Possibly he is, but it’s up to him how he prefers to be addressed. His decision should be respected. Really? If your dad refused to let you call him “dad” or even “father” and insisted on “Mr. Antinor”, that wouldn’t be _wrong_ to you? Neglectful of family obligations? ---
**Author:** ![statsman1982](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@statsman1982](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/statsman1982)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/33 "2009-11-13T05:37:20Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > I usually get around this whole thing by avoiding name use in conversation altogether. Unless I’m trying to get their attention from behind or perhaps from across the room, I will not use a person’s name in speaking to them. This is such an ingrained habit for me, that I actually feel a tiny bit creepy using someone’s name to their face. > > This may explain why I have trouble connecting with people. I connect with people pretty well, and I do the same thing you do. I think it’s odd to use someone’s name as you’re talking to them, unless there is a good rhetorical reason (e.g., trying to get them to calm down by saying “(So and So), it’ll be alright. They’ll find the rest of your ear.”) ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/34 "2009-11-13T06:01:49Z")
A bit of a prick. Not a huge one, but still a prick. You marry someone’s aunt, you are their uncle, no ifs, ands, or buts. Then again, I hate the idea of calling someone who’s supposedly a family member “sir” or “ma’am.” That’s what I call customers at work, not folks at home. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/35 "2009-11-13T06:04:18Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Really? If your dad refused to let you call him “dad” or even “father” and insisted on “Mr. Antinor”, that wouldn’t be _wrong_ to you? Neglectful of family obligations? That would certainly be strange, but ‘sir’ isn’t that an unheard of way for kids to address their fathers. (which was one of the two options in the situation presented) But this isn’t about a father, it’s about a man who married someone and prefers her extended family, in this case nieces and nephews, to not use the term uncle in regard to him. I can understand his position although it’s not one I would have myself. ---
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/36 "2009-11-13T06:36:28Z")
If any of you were my kid and you failed to call an adult “sir” or “ma’am” I’d tear you a new one. Uncle Mike can still be “Sir”, and it’s how kids are to appropriately address their elders. Don’t let me catch you saying “yeah” or “huh” again, or I’ll take a switch to you. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/37 "2009-11-13T06:50:01Z")
Similar to **Markxxx** , I was raised to never address anyone old enough to be my parent by his first name, but with one major caveat: If I referred to someone as “Mr. X” or “Mrs. Y,” and was told "No, no, just call me by “Z,” then that was what I called them. The first rule of good manners is to make interactions comfortable. Unfortunately, it still feels uncomfortable to me to refer to people older than my generation by their given names, so I usually cop out and avoid names when possible in that situation. But, as others upthread mention, this may be a fairly regional thing. I’m from the southeastern US, and this seems to be the home base for the “Mr. X” or “Mrs./Ms./Miss Y” thing. I have at least one honorary auntie (long-time friend of the family, to whom I refer as Aunt Brenda, even though we’re not related,) who has been widowed and has remarried. I always referred to Aunt Brenda’s late husband as “Uncle Pete,” but I call her new husband Mr. Jack. I don’t know Mr. Jack well enough to call him “Uncle,” and it would seem pretty weird at this late date to start doing so. And yes, my kids (ages 9 and 12) default to calling everyone “Mr. or Mrs. First Name,” unless otherwise directed. They also use phrases like “Yes, sir” or “No ma’am” (and “Please” and “Thank you” and so forth.) They refer to my first cousins as Aunt or Uncle, just as I still refer to my parents’ and grandparents’ cousins. In other parts of the world, this may seem pretty old-fashioned, but I just consider this to be basic good manners. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/38 "2009-11-13T06:55:24Z")
Not wanting to be called Uncle is one thing, but asking kids to call him Mister or Sir when they are in his family makes him Sir Pricksalot. Definitely a prick. If he said, please just call me Frank, that’s ok. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/39 "2009-11-13T07:42:56Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > How old are the kids? > > If they’re little, yes, he’s being a jerk. If they’re older (like 9) then not so much. They know he’s not their uncle and he knows it. So he’d like a less familiar name. But he is their uncle. Your aunt’s husband is your uncle. In this case he is, strictly speaking, their greatuncle. My aunt’s second husband has never wanted to have anything to do with any of her family, including her two children. When she moved in with him, she left her children (then 14 and 10) at the tender mercies of the Grandparents From Hell, because His Lordship wasn’t interested in children. He now has cancer; at one point recently, my cousin was helping him with something he can’t do by himself anymore, and he said “would you do this for me if your mother had died first?” “of course not. You’ve never been interested in doing anything for me, so what do you think I owe you?” It may be a jerkish thing to say, but then, that’s a point in which I consider him a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2009, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354/40 "2009-11-13T13:13:48Z")
> [@Rex\_Goliath](#): > > If any of you were my kid and you failed to call an adult “sir” or “ma’am” I’d tear you a new one. Uncle Mike can still be “Sir”, and it’s how kids are to appropriately address their elders. Don’t let me catch you saying “yeah” or “huh” again, or I’ll take a switch to you. Exactly. Children aren’t real people yet. Damn kids. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-new-uncle-being-kind-of-a-prick-or-what/517354.md?page=3)