# Is there a female incel equivalent? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 20, 2025, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877 "2025-03-20T16:04:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2025, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/81 "2025-03-21T23:56:35Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > From a previous thread - stats are that divorced women often stay single from there, divorced men more often remarry, and likely remarry a bit younger. Funny enough, my second wife is older than my first wife. My first wife was 6 years younger than me, my current wife is 2 years younger than me. Then again, I almost married someone 20 years older than I was, back when I was in my early 20s. Age has never been that important to me when it comes to relationships. I also very briefly dated a woman literally born on the same day that I was (though now that I think of it, I never found out what time of day she was born, so I’m not sure which of us was older). ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2025, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/82 "2025-03-21T23:57:20Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I was told that if I wanted to have a baby, I should go to bars and pick up men until I found myself pregnant, and never tell him. Great way to get raped, get AIDS, get a kid with alcoholism genes, etc And it’s a pretty shitty thing to do to a guy, too. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/83 "2025-03-22T00:24:19Z")
Yeah individuals vary. You may vary. I still think it is more often true than not. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/84 "2025-03-22T00:25:01Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > My impression is that a femcel is… No, what’s the definition that _the writer of that article_ is using? If I’m trying to make sense of that article, I want to know what _that writer_ means by the term. How you or I or anyone else here defines it is irrelevant for that purpose. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/85 "2025-03-22T00:27:20Z")
And data to support that belief: > **[Tying the knot again? Chances are, there’s a bigger age gap than the first...](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2014/12/04/tying-the-knot-again-chances-are-theres-a-bigger-age-gap-than-the-first-time-around/)** > > Not only are men who have recently remarried more likely than those beginning a first marriage to have a spouse who is younger; in many cases, she is much younger. Some 20% of men who are newly remarried have a wife who is at least 10 years their... > Some 20% of men who are newly remarried have a wife who is at least 10 years their junior, and another 18% married a woman who is 6-9 years younger. By comparison, just 5% of newlywed men in their first marriage have a spouse who is 10 years younger, and 10% married a woman who is 6-9 years younger ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/86 "2025-03-22T00:36:04Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > [quoting Pew Research Center] > Some 20% of men who are newly remarried have a wife who is at least 10 years their junior, and another 18% married a woman who is 6-9 years younger. By comparison, just 5% of newlywed men in their first marriage have a spouse who is 10 years younger, and 10% married a woman who is 6-9 years younger I would imagine part of that is simply a matter of opportunity. If you’re a 25 year old man who’s been in a relationship with a woman for long enough that you’re getting ready to tie the knot, her being even 6-9 years younger is pretty much out of the question, and let’s not even talk about \>10 years younger. But if you’re 45, being involved with a 33 year old woman is no big deal - not to mention legal! ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/87 "2025-03-22T00:37:24Z")
I think we’re too narrowed in on the sexual relations part. Certainly there are women who feel they deserve to have what they consider to be a perfect man, and when they find men who are rich enough, handsome enough, manly enough, etc., and who don’t find her desirable, they can become angry and resentful. Is there a movement analogous to incels for those women? I don’t know, but I have known women who would join it. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/88 "2025-03-22T00:37:42Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > At least from my vantage point, the whole "middle-aged man turns in his wife for a newer model) thing does not happen as much as many people think it does. I cannot think of ANYONE who did that, just for the younger woman; certainly I have known couples who divorced, or one partner died, and the man remarried to a younger woman or the woman picked an older man (by this age, I would consider 10 years enough of a gap) but it wasn’t BECAUSE they were younger/older. They likely wouldn’t realize that’s why they did it. They’d “fall out of love” with the older person, and “fall in love” with the younger. Convinced the whole time that it wasn’t about age, because they simply aren’t conscious of it. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/89 "2025-03-22T00:51:20Z")
But the divorced women are more just not repartnering. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/90 "2025-03-22T00:52:10Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > I think we’re too narrowed in on the sexual relations part. Agree. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/91 "2025-03-22T01:26:10Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > You may vary. I still think it is more often true than not. Never use me as a standard example of **anything**. I know I’m weird. 😆 ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/92 "2025-03-22T04:50:16Z")
These couples were people where, with one exception, the second (…or later…) spouses did not know each other when the previous marriage ended, like I said via divorce OR death. In that one exception, the husband had not lived with his first wife for something like 7 years when he met the woman who would later be his second wife, and they didn’t marry until some time later. Their daughter was the flower girl at their wedding, if that tells you anything. Last I heard, they’re still together almost 30 years later. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/93 "2025-03-22T08:39:06Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > During that time I was _technically_ involuntarily celibate. In no other way did I fit the definition an incel Yeah, this. I’m incel but voluntarily so. I’m strongly attracted to women but having been through a divorce - as clean and easy as a divorce can be, which is still traumatic - I just don’t need to risk the pain of a relationship. Maybe that will change in time. I still want sex, but I struggle with just casual sex, I don’t want a one night stand, I want a relationship. To move the conversation back more to the question posed, there are asexual people, who don’t really desire sex. I guess there are women who want sex but are too shy/socially nervous/scared to suggest it. There is just not really a “female starved of sex because males don’t want them” opposite of the quoted Reddit. Anyone can get laid. Even incels. If they would just deal with their idiocy ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/94 "2025-03-22T09:12:17Z")
Later post: i know a lesbian woman who is determindly single, I know her well enough to be told that fact, but not well enough to ask “why?” She has an identical twin sister who is married to a wonderful lady. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/95 "2025-03-22T10:53:12Z")
Thank you, HMS\_Irruncible. Your post made my day happy. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/96 "2025-03-22T13:53:51Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > Yeah, this. I’m incel but voluntarily so “Involuntary” is literally in the name. You would just be “celibate.” ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/97 "2025-03-22T14:05:18Z")
I’m not. I mean, sure, I am celibate, but I don’t want to be. The “voluntary” part is because I don’t want to burden some other woman with my own shit. That requires me to deal with myself before I attempt to enter a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/98 "2025-03-22T14:09:10Z")
You’re kind of playing semantic games here. The male version is clearly defined. You are choosing celibacy _for now_ for practical reasons. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/99 "2025-03-22T18:37:22Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > There is just not really a “female starved of sex because males don’t want them” opposite I’m not even sure that is what a male incel is. I don’t think that finding any woman willing to have sex with them, to use them to scratch their own sexual itch because men who they really want aren’t interested, would allay their complaint about society being unfair to them and diminish their misogyny. And a woman finding someone willing to ejaculate in them is not the point either. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2025, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877/100 "2025-03-22T18:41:58Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > I’m not even sure that is what a male incel is. I’m not, either, having not met one or been willing to make the effort to try meet one. I prefer to view my own “invol” celibacy as my own fault. Not some vast conspiracy of women against me. I’m old (49) but still attractive. I get hit on from time to time, but no. I am too scared of consequences. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-female-incel-equivalent/1015877.md?page=6)