# Is there a nice way to tell my husband that his sport jacket is hideous and out of date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 29, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106 "2013-11-29T23:38:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/21 "2013-11-30T02:31:21Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Jim Rockford called. He wants his jackets back. Tell him to leave a message on the machine. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![urban1a](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e47c2d/32.png) [@urban1a](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/urban1a)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/22 "2013-11-30T03:15:45Z")
Do you always make his fashion choices for him? If so, then, I suppose it would be all right to just toss the thing away. What about other things? Do you ask his opinion when you redecorate or when you choose a car? Do you normally set out his clothes for the day or week for him? Bob ---
**Author:** ![drpepper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@drpepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drpepper)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/23 "2013-11-30T03:30:50Z")
Yeah, see, I’m always flummoxed in situations where there is a fundamental incompatibility between the way _I_ would want the situation handled, and the way the spouse reacts to the same situation. In my case, I want my spouse to tell me if an article of [my] clothing is dated, looks stupid, is ill-fitting, whatever. Not only do I want him to tell me, I ask him frequently and trust his judgement pretty well. I have a pretty low self-awareness meter sometimes and need that objective feedback. Generally he will ask me to do the same, but it doesn’t come up often in the clothes department; his clothes are for the most part basic things that don’t go out of style (e.g., jeans, sweatshirts, etc). Once in awhile something comes up out of the depths of a closet that needs to go, in which case I’ll matter of factly give my opinion in a nice way, and he generally goes along with it. No hard feelings, we’re both nice about it and neither of us wants to look like a clueless dork out in public, so we’re fine with the trading opinions thing. If your husband doesn’t feel the same way, or is too sensitive to hear that sort of feedback, I wouldn’t know how to handle it. The situation would bother me a bit, because I definitely don’t want my spouse looking like a clueless dork; I feel it reflects a bit on me. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/24 "2013-11-30T03:54:22Z")
“Honey, Herb Tarlek wants his jacket back.” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/25 "2013-11-30T04:38:24Z")
Probably not the way my mom sent the message that Dad’s old raggedy sweater was not fit to wear – he opened a Christmas package that contained said sweater, cut into dozens of small pieces.\* Frankly, I appreciate fashion critiques from my wife, who has a far better sense for it than I. This is the kind of thing that I see as her looking out for me, not her attacking me. I’d also be happy to wear a suit on the occasion mentioned. With an open collar and no tie it should fit in fine and not come across as overdressed. \*She had been after him for years to ditch this comfortable but well-worn (as in sporting multiple holes and unraveling in a few places) sweater, used for working outdoors in the Fall. He just couldn’tsee the need to do so. Finally she forcibly retired it as described, giving him a very similar new sweater at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/26 "2013-11-30T04:52:20Z")
Do you have a cat? If you have a cat, you have a scratching post. Put the jacket on the scratching post, sprinkle catnip over it and let your cat deal with the problem. If you have a dog, rubbig bacon on it might as well, and you won’t even need a scratching post. Or just tell him that his clothes don’t work. I tell my husband when I don’t like his choice and he tells me when he thinks that my jacket doesn’t match my pants. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/27 "2013-11-30T06:28:19Z")
Get a weapon. As he heads to the door, and reaches for the knob, pull a gun on him. Then say, “Remember when we were dating, we were at the mall, you pointed out an old man and said to me, “If I ever try to leave the house dressed like that, just shoot me!”, Well, today is that day!” (Crude ripoff of a comic currently on my bulletin board.) ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/28 "2013-11-30T09:07:38Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > You don’t have to be tactful when you’re a **wife**. This. You are in a position to just tell him what and what not to wear. Just don’t make a big deal out of it, and he’ll go along with you. Everyone will thank you. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/29 "2013-11-30T09:09:33Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > I’m not intending to be snarky but what kind snowflake husband can’t handle being told his jacket is out of date. Just tell him. I kinda agree with this. I think MOST guys aren’t into fashion and would almost welcome some kind help. However, if you’ve been a total nag about everything - this won’t work. If you’ve picked your battles - I don’t see a real issue. “I love you, but trust me, this doesn’t look good on you - or anyone. You look really good in this one.” Or if you want to be a wimp… “I get really turned on when I see you in this.” I consider myself fairly fashionable, but am more than open to constructive fashion criticism. Just don’t complain without offering a solution. Don’t use the “dated” excuse - that is usually silly - assuming he bought it when you are talking. Unless he has some sentimental attachment to it - I think you’ll be ok. It isn’t like you are telling him his penis is small and want him to look into surgical options. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Librarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_librarian/32/402_2.png) [@The\_Librarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Librarian)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/30 "2013-11-30T14:00:40Z")
Speaking as a husband; just throw it out already. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/31 "2013-11-30T14:17:21Z")
I’m fairly fashion forward but I’ll sometimes find a thing or two in my closet that I’ve held on to for a little too long. In such cases my wife is of immense help: “Honey, you know what would go great with that jacket? Kerosene and matches.” ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/32 "2013-11-30T14:33:43Z")
Don’t throw away, destroy, or give away someone else’s stuff without permission. How do people think this is okay? ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/33 "2013-11-30T14:43:04Z")
My only question is what is “nicer than business casual” but does not mean “wear a suit.” Isn’t business casual a shirt, tie, slacks? So a step up from that would be… a suit, right??? Also, a suit jacket and slacks is fine. But I see that as basically the same level as a suit anyway. True, you wouldn’t see a lawyer doing it, but I went to many many interviews in regular slacks and a suit jacket and so have many others. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/34 "2013-11-30T14:48:30Z")
\*\*\*Warning! The following advice is for jaded, manipulative couples Only. Do Not Try This At Home! \*\*\* The _“Oh, Honey, do you think it still fits…?”_ gambit Props: \*Exacto Knife \*access to the jackets seam stitches Losses: \*the jacket Gains: \*Dusting & car washing rags \*Direct input/access to his clothing style \*possible agreement to a new diet/exercise program You should have already set in the wings seemingly easy access to a current circular for a mens clothing store ( [one example](http://www.menswearhouse.com/?cm_mmc=Cheetahmail-_-20131129_132101_MW_Black_Friday_IV-_-main-_-img_shop_now) ) offering marvelous discounts. Stage directions may include puppy-eyed sympathy, empathy, and a reassuring hug stating that you still love him “anyway”. Still, to pull this off, under no circumstances should you snicker or laugh during your OP… ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/35 "2013-11-30T15:07:20Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Don’t throw away, destroy, or give away someone else’s stuff without permission. How do people think this is okay? This +1. The Lovely and Talented Mrs. **Shodan** and I had this discussion many years ago, when she threw out a shirt without asking me first. It was a rather tense discussion, not necessarily conducted in pleasant tones, but she has not repeated the behavior since. Feel free to express your opinion, keeping in mind that it is your opinion, and not the final word. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/36 "2013-11-30T16:10:46Z")
I agree with not throwing away his clothing without permission. That is incredibly rude and disrespectful. Imagine how you’d react if he did that to you (this is not directed at the OP - she never said she was considering it) If you think his jacket is out of date, ugly, or doesn’t fit right, just tell him. I imagine he’s used to your lack of tact by now. 😃 I always tell my fiance if I think there’s something wrong with his clothing and he listens to me because he knows I wouldn’t lie to him. The same goes for me. He knows that there are no no-win situations with me and clothing. I WANT him to tell me if an outfit is unflattering. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/37 "2013-11-30T16:19:04Z")
Be up front without being unkind. So Simple. “Honey, I really don’t like that jacket. May I make a suggestion?” Hopefully, he’s mature enough to take advice from his loving wife. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/38 "2013-11-30T16:25:54Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Don’t throw away, destroy, or give away someone else’s stuff without permission. How do people think this is okay? I see the basic point. However, I grew up in a world where men didn’t buy their own damn clothes. New, clean, appropriately sized undies appeared as if by magic. Shirts, pants, socks, shoes, you name it. Ugly, torn, stained items often appeared on the rag bag. Also as if by magic. ---
**Author:** ![congodwarf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@congodwarf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/congodwarf)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/39 "2013-11-30T16:28:18Z")
I see your point as well **Inna**. However, if this were that kind of man, whether or not she should say something, and how, would not be an issue. She’d just do it. If it’s even a question of how to bring it up, it’s not appropriate to just get rid of it without asking. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2013, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106/40 "2013-11-30T16:39:28Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > I’m not intending to be snarky but what kind snowflake husband can’t handle being told his jacket is out of date. Just tell him. Agreed. But be sure to have a suggestion instead of just a criticism. If he’s like me, he hates, hates, hates shopping for clothes. Volunteer to get him a nice, neutral, fairly conservative jacket that fits him well, and he’ll probably be forever grateful. There are lots of jackets that never go out of style, maybe something like a blue blazer that he can even wear with jeans. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-nice-way-to-tell-my-husband-that-his-sport-jacket-is-hideous-and-out-of-date/675106.md?page=3)