# Is there a Perfect Mistress? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 31, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595 "2004-03-31T20:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/1 "2004-03-31T20:01:26Z")
I’ve done a search but couldn’t come up with anything, and I know that this has probably come up before, but does Cecil have a wife (or depending on his preference) any form of SO. Does he have any lil’ Cecils running about? I got to thinking about this because of another thread about how Cecil may be “getting on” a bit and I just wondered if there were kids ready to jump into the seat, as it were. Cheers, Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/2 "2004-03-31T21:26:05Z")
She’s good friends with Mrs. Santa Claus and Mrs. Jesus. Well, actually the actress who _played_\* Mrs. Jesus while standing in a ditch. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/3 "2004-03-31T21:32:14Z")
Inan article referring to “why does my chewing gum disintegrate in my mouth while I’m making out” Cecil admits to doing some field research in the broom closet with “Mrs. Adams.” I am assuming the common last name is not just mere coincedence and that Cecil was not getting it on with another man’s beeyotc…uh, wife. The reason the gum disintegrates, he discovered, has to do with excessive heat breaking down it’s gummy base. Same problem arises if you leave a pack on your dash board in the summertime. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/4 "2004-03-31T21:42:42Z")
[Here’s the link](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_201.html) ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/5 "2004-04-01T01:07:06Z")
Mrs. Adams (and Cecil’s assistants, Jane and Little Ed) has been mentioned in several of Cecil’s columns. Most interesting is the fact that Mrs. Adams is _not_ mentioned in Cecil’s earliest columns, which suggests to me that he managed to get married and sneak off for a honeymoon without anyone noticing a missing column. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/6 "2004-04-01T01:32:30Z")
From [The Straight Dope FAQ](http://www.straightdope.com/faq/officialfaq.html) > [@](#): > > What do we know about Cecil’s private life? > > Not much. Over the years he has revealed a few details in the column. For example, he is left-handed. That tells you a lot right there. We also know that there is a Mrs. Adams, although, now that we think about it, that could be his mother. Cecil has made reference from time to time to “the little researchers.” These may be children. On the other hand, maybe he just hires dwarves. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/7 "2004-04-01T01:48:29Z")
Damn, I thought this was going to be about me. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/8 "2004-04-01T01:55:39Z")
> [@Cub Mistress](#): > > Damn, I thought this was going to be about me. > > _sigh_ I thought that this would be some S&M fetishist thread. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/9 "2004-04-01T02:13:22Z")
I thought Cecil’s wife was named Mary. Didn’t he dedicate a book to her once saying something like “To Mary, still a fox after all these years?” ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/10 "2004-04-01T11:54:07Z")
From Cecil’s words: > [@](#): > > Mrs. Adams and I next retired to the laboratory for a round of experiments. She helped herself to a wad of Big League Chew (she’s always been a little butch), while I chose Wrigley’s Doublemint–hoping, of course, to double my pleasure. We thereupon commenced a rigorous program of research. And then I hear, > [@bibliophage](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > What do we know about Cecil’s private life? > > > > Not much. Over the years he has revealed a few details in the column. For example, he is left-handed. That tells you a lot right there. We also know that there is a Mrs. Adams, although, now that we think about it, **that could be his mother.** Cecil has made reference from time to time to “the little researchers.” These may be children. On the other hand, maybe he just hires dwarves. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: One can only shudder. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/11 "2004-04-01T12:46:23Z")
> [@nocturnal\_tick](#): > > From Cecil’s words: > > And then I hear, > :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: > > One can only shudder. LMAO ---
**Author:** ![NE\_Texan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@NE\_Texan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NE_Texan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2004, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/12 "2004-04-01T16:02:49Z")
In [this column](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_351b.html), Cecil mentions a mother-in-law (last paragraph). That implies a wife, I think. ---
**Author:** ![IEatFood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c5a1d2/32.png) [@IEatFood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IEatFood)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/13 "2004-04-02T02:56:10Z")
> [@](#): > > For example, he is left-handed. That tells you a lot right there. How does that tell a lot. I only ask because I am also a leftie, but apparently my ex-wife of six years didn’t seem to know this until about three weeks ago. So, either it doesn’t say much, or she’s as as smart as a sack of hammers. ---
**Author:** ![Kaotic\_Newtral](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@Kaotic\_Newtral](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaotic_Newtral)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/14 "2004-04-02T03:14:27Z")
Of course he has a perfect mistress! What else could stop him from posting here more frequently! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ender\_Will](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Ender\_Will](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ender_Will)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/15 "2004-04-02T07:26:07Z")
Not only is there a Mrs. Adams, but she’s got [a sizeable chest](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_319.html). And she runs marathons! ---
**Author:** ![alterego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@alterego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alterego)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2004, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-perfect-mistress/237595/16 "2004-04-02T09:21:12Z")
I did a google search for, [chicago marathon “cecil adams” -straightdope -“the straight dope” -alt.fan.cecil-adams](http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=chicago+marathon+%22cecil+adams%22+-straightdope+-%22the+straight+dope%22+-alt.fan.cecil-adams) and I got (amid the clutter), [this](http://www.iath.virginia.edu/~luoma/peace/hist/Adir/GbBaBAAAKTaWq5.html): > [@](#): > > Jauron. Jauron. Bears coach Dick Jauron. Bears coach Dick Jauron /\* Bad address \*/ coach Dick Jauron; Played his usual game. Ended with more goalkeeper participation. including a play that pulled Nigrosh well out from the net to stop a Chicago breakaway Columnists Play that pulled Nigrosh well out from the net to stop a Chicago breakaway. **Adams, Lynda Barry**. Cecil Adams [scott@sans.org](mailto:scott@sans.org) Buy books online by Reader contributors Cecil Adams; Cecil Adams, Reader contributors Cecil Adams