# Is there a problem with being an online dating addict? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2017, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267 "2017-11-11T00:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/101 "2017-11-12T08:28:00Z")
She calls 'em as she sees 'em ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/102 "2017-11-12T13:13:10Z")
I guess I haven’t paid enough attention in the past to the stories and habits of The Great Pussy Marauder (a.k.a. Shagnasty). And now I feel like I need a shower. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/103 "2017-11-12T14:02:08Z")
> [@kiz](#): > > I hasten to say that no doubt one of the reasons why you’re so “successful” is because you fit a demographic that many women-who-do-online-dating want. If you didn’t have your job, your looks, and your money, they would pass right om by you. Except that he does not want a committed relationship and he’s not upfront with the women about that. So, he’s in the right demographic for the first date and not for subsequent ones. Hence another reason he gets ghosted. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/104 "2017-11-12T15:06:27Z")
There have been some new developments. It turns out that I wasn’t ghosted at all. The Long Island girl that I was seeing lost her grandfather suddenly this week and had to fly to Florida on short notice for the funeral and her phone broke on the way. She called me last night and we are going out again when she gets back next weekend. She isn’t my girlfriend but she is getting close and has the right material I think. I made a bad assumption before I found out what happened so I started talking to the gorgeous Russian poker player. Not 15 minutes after I got off the phone with the Long Island girl, Oxana asked me out too. I am really tempted to go just to keep up international relations but I also want to keep the drama and conflict of interests to a minimum. My problem isn’t the way I treat women. I always treat them extremely well. It is the frenetic switching because the choices are endless and ever-changing. I really do want a real relationship but I also want the ultimate sampler platter. That creates a conflict. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/105 "2017-11-12T15:26:08Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My problem isn’t the way I treat women. I always treat them extremely well. No, you don’t. I don’t care what a gentleman you are to their faces. You do not treat women well. This is self-delusion. In fact, I see a lot of rationalization for your behavior throughout these threads, because you help the needy and are kind to strangers, that cancels out your near-sociopathic grudge matches against people for imagined slights against you. It doesn’t. Pulling out a chair or buying a fancy dinner or otherwise ‘‘spoiling’’ a woman doesn’t make you ‘‘good to women.’’ Talking about them like they are fucking trading cards is not treating women well. Bragging repeatedly about your sexual assault is not treating women well. I know so many people like you through my husband’s incredibly wealthy family, and you know what? I despise them. I despise their sociopathic charm and pride in their wealth and obsession with status. Every time I am forced to spend time with them, I feel like I’m the one with privilege, and I go home feeling like I need to wipe off the sleaze. [Remember this song?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-0lAhnoDlU) I don’t think you have a chance in hell of anything resembling a healthy relationship unless you get treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/106 "2017-11-12T15:51:32Z")
The long-island girls story sounds implausable. A convoluted excuse at best. But, have fun on your date there, Shag, and call the Russian heiress and take some poker lessons, no need to drop her. Why would you? 2 girlfriends at once just doubles the fun! Yay, you! ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/107 "2017-11-12T15:53:27Z")
> [@](#): > > I really do want a real relationship No, you don’t. Nor do you treat women well, as **Spice Weasel** eloquently said. [ > [@](#): > > I can’t see it. I need my women to have a pussy and it is actually the third and ultimate thing that my mind focuses on when looking at a woman. The first is face, the second is overall body, and the third is crotch which is odd because females don’t give you much to look at down there. If the pussy isn’t there, we might as well be looking at the family dog and it isn’t happening. As I have pointed out before, I am actually pretty gay friendly socially but I am 100% straight myself. If I wanted to see any man parts in all of this, I would just whack off to myself in the mirror. I would surely be more attractive to myself than any shemale and also cheaper and with less skeevy baggage. ]([http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8414184&postcount=34](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=8414184&postcount=34)) ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/108 "2017-11-12T17:00:48Z")
Without reading through the entire thread, tell me - is this another **Shagnasty** post where he explains how he’s such a nice, rich, handsome guy and all the women in the world just melt in his presence, but none are quite good enough for him? ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/109 "2017-11-12T17:03:58Z")
Yup. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/110 "2017-11-12T17:30:20Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > There have been some new developments. It turns out that I wasn’t ghosted at all. The Long Island girl that I was seeing lost her grandfather suddenly this week and had to fly to Florida on short notice for the funeral and her phone broke on the way. She called me last night and we are going out again when she gets back next weekend. She isn’t my girlfriend but she is getting close and has the right material I think. > > I made a bad assumption before I found out what happened so I started talking to the gorgeous Russian poker player. Not 15 minutes after I got off the phone with the Long Island girl, Oxana asked me out too. I am really tempted to go just to keep up international relations but I also want to keep the drama and conflict of interests to a minimum. > > My problem isn’t the way I treat women. I always treat them extremely well. It is the frenetic switching because the choices are endless and ever-changing. I really do want a real relationship but I also want the ultimate sampler platter. That creates a conflict. The Continuing Adventures of The Great Pussy Marauder. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/111 "2017-11-12T17:36:00Z")
Sometimes you have to wonder if maybe he’s in the closet and just trying desparately to convince himself that he’s really straight? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/112 "2017-11-12T17:38:22Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > The long-island girls story sounds implausable. A convoluted excuse at best. Why would she lie to such a great guy? You’re just jealous because he’s L.L.Shagnasty. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/113 "2017-11-12T17:38:54Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > This has 100% been the one thing running through my mind in all of the OP’s recent threads. His attitude toward women is positively medieval, and even if he makes every attempt to hide it from his sacred, spoiled daughters, I have no doubt that they have a very good inkling of what dad is getting up to. They are certainly learning nothing about having a loving, normal, intimate relationship, and because they have no other role model to base their actions off, they will no doubt repeat the mistakes of the rest of the family, with their multiple divorces and suicides and drama. But at least they’ll come by it honestly. ---
**Author:** ![chaika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chaika/32/405_2.png) [@chaika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaika)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/114 "2017-11-12T17:50:14Z")
I don’t really know what you expect from these threads. For someone who describes himself as “very smart,” :rolleyes: you don’t seem to learn from the extensive advice and insights people have offered you in the past. Once again there are some outstanding posts on this thread (the posts by **TruCelt** and **expectopatronum** are very wise, IMO). But you don’t seem to absorb what they are saying. If you genuinely want a relationship, then you need a radical change in your view of women and relationships. That would mean trying to see women as actual human beings, not as objects for your pleasure or status symbols. And for God’s sake, stop going to strip clubs. Yuck. But if (as I suspect) you don’t truly want a relationship, then by all means keep up your dating “addiction” and enjoy the strip clubs to your heart’s content. Of course, if you continue this path, don’t be at all surprised if your dating partners lose interest quickly. Most women don’t really want a boyfriend who views their “role” as “to screw, be pretty and responsible.” ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/115 "2017-11-12T17:55:37Z")
Is anyone else imagining **Shagnasty** as a less handsome Tom Cruise in _Magnolia_? Somebody get this guy an interview and ask him about his mother. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/116 "2017-11-12T18:00:55Z")
> [@DooWahDiddy](#): > > Is anyone else imagining **Shagnasty** as a less handsome Tom Cruise in _Magnolia_? Somebody get this guy an interview and ask him about his mother. No. Every single time, I picture him as Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/117 "2017-11-12T18:09:27Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > No. > > Every single time, I picture him as Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. Lay off the compliments. He hardly needs your encouragement. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/118 "2017-11-12T19:53:36Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > No, you don’t. I don’t care what a gentleman you are to their faces. You do not treat women well. This is self-delusion. In fact, I see a lot of rationalization for your behavior throughout these threads, because you help the needy and are kind to strangers, that cancels out your near-sociopathic grudge matches against people for imagined slights against you. It doesn’t. Pulling out a chair or buying a fancy dinner or otherwise ‘‘spoiling’’ a woman doesn’t make you ‘‘good to women.’’ Talking about them like they are fucking trading cards is not treating women well. Bragging repeatedly about your sexual assault is not treating women well. > > I know so many people like you through my husband’s incredibly wealthy family, and you know what? I despise them. I despise their sociopathic charm and pride in their wealth and obsession with status. Every time I am forced to spend time with them, I feel like I’m the one with privilege, and I go home feeling like I need to wipe off the sleaze. That is some pretty harsh criticism there **Spice Weasel** but that is what I signed up for. You know I respect and like you so no offense taken. I will keep your comments in mind. However, there is one thing that I think most people are missing. This isn’t about “women” in general. It is about dating that involves sexual and romantic relationships. The two things aren’t even remotely the same. I spent all morning playing with my daughters, talking to my mother and working with a female project manager on the phone. Do you think any of those have anything to do with someone that I meet on Match or Bumble? No, of course not. It is all about relationship relativity. You don’t treat your grandmother or your boss the same way you treat your girlfriend. The main problem comes when people confuse the different roles but I keep them segregated. The women are on those sites voluntarily as well and many of them want to screw you too and not always in a good way. People are into all kinds of weird things and there are websites for almost every kind. I happen to like the high-quality PG version and yet I am the one that gets shit for it. I still don’t understand why it is a problem to go out with as many attractive women as possible. It is a harmless diversion and only costs me money. The women aren’t innocent bystanders and I have been screwed over many times. That may end soon when my Long Island girl gets back because we are unusually good match in personality but it was fun while it lasted. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/119 "2017-11-12T20:08:01Z")
> [@chaika](#): > > And for God’s sake, stop going to strip clubs. Yuck. Totally disagree. When you view every sexual interaction as a transaction, a strip club is _exactly_ where you belong. Stop going on dates. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/120 "2017-11-12T20:33:43Z")
The Long-island girl and your relationship is already over, it’s doomed. You said " but it was fun while it lasted" I would save my cash if I were you. Go for the Russian poker player, maybe you will win some more cash. Win-win! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267.md?page=7)