# Is there a problem with being an online dating addict? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2017, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267 "2017-11-11T00:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/161 "2017-11-13T05:27:34Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Then what you want is one of those “Seeking Sugar Daddy” sites. You clearly are not in the market for an actual relationship. Frankly, I’m appalled by some of the things you have said here - and that thread someone linked where you describe what you think is a “prank”? Yeah, that was rape. By your own admission, she never consented to having sex with you. Your friend conspired to let you rape his girlfriend. Is she still dating this guy? If so, she needs to know what he is. > > If you really care about your daughters, take a printout from that post, and this thread, and set it before a highly qualified therapist. You are going to need a great deal of guidance if you want to be a positive influence in their lives. > > I wish I could be enraged by all this, but I’m just too disappointed right now. This is not at all the person I thought you were. That story keeps coming up over and over but there was no nudity, let alone sex or rape. I would never do that. I just got tricked into kissing someone else’s girlfriend and I am still not sure why or what the motivation was. We are all still fiends. I am not sure what the outrage is for. I am just a single father that played chess with my 11 year old daughter last night and am going to take her to a gymnastics tournament next weekend, The claims that I am a misogamist are bizarre and everyone that knows me personally knows that. I am kind of a mommas boy and I have lots of female supporters. However, the one goal that dates have to fulfill that others don’t is sexual and not all of them can do that well. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/162 "2017-11-13T05:31:50Z")
How would you feel if one of your daughters was tricked in such a way? All fun and games? Maybe the guy was the real victim? He was the one who got tricked, maybe she put them up to it? I just don’t see much in the way of respect for women who are not related to you. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/163 "2017-11-13T05:35:41Z")
HOW DID YOU GET TRICKED INTO IT??? You and your friend planned it in advance. > [@](#): > > I agreed to give it a try assuming it wouldn’t work. We went to the house for the party, I went into the bedroom, removed my shirt, and hid in the closet. He brought her into the bedroom, they laid on the bed and started making out real heavy. At some point he said “Let me take off my shirt”, stood up, and I knew it was my cue like we rehearsed it and he got in the closet. :dubious: If **Shagnasty** had told it like, “I did this really shitty thing to this girl, and I wish I could take it back, because that’s a horrible thing to do to someone”, I don’t think people would be giving him nearly the grief he’s getting. And now the constant, “I was only 17! I was underage!” is just a bunch of bullshit. 17 is plenty old enough to know that something like is wrong. 17 is also old enough to be tried as an adult, especially when it comes to something like sexual assault. Look at it this way: if someone did something like this to one of your daughters, would you accept any of these excuses? (And you know, that’s another thing that gets me. He keeps bringing up how much he loves his kids to prove how he’s a good person. So what? You’re _supposed_ to love your kids. It’s like Chris Rock said, he’s just one of those people who wants to get credit for doing things he should be doing. Loving your kids doesn’t automatically make someone a good person.) ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/164 "2017-11-13T05:39:29Z")
If this isn’t some long con trolling persona, I hope that when your daughters are on the literal receiving end of men like you it makes you as sick and confused as we are by your actions. Then they’ll be the damaged goods you go out of your way to avoid being decent to. Though your daughters are the \*lucky \*gals - they seem to be the only females in the world who aren’t first and foremost available friction holes for you to judge worthy of your attention. (Though they will be that for many other men who lay eyes on them and have the complete lack of sense and morals you do.) BTW, Louisiana’s age of consent is 17, so stop pretending you were underage when you sexually assaulted your friend. You did what you wanted to do, were excited and planned to do, and were legally culpable for it. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/165 "2017-11-13T06:04:12Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > How would you feel if one of your daughters was tricked in such a way? All fun and games? Maybe the guy was the real victim? > > I just don’t see much in the way of respect for women who arentt related to you. My daughters are very different. My youngest is a world class gymnast that trains 30 hours a week while my oldest is a couch potato that can barely finish her homework. The latter is very smart but I haven’t managed to let reality slap her in the face yet but I am working on it. I get the comment that I don’t like women sometimes and it is incomprehensible. Between my daughters and my mother that writes popular books, nobody that actually knows me would ever think that. I am practically drowning in a sea of estrogen. It works fine for a while but it gets out of control after a few days. No, I am not going to Hobby Lobby to buy craft supplies on vacation. To be perfectly honest, single fathers need to get laid too and there is nothing wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/166 "2017-11-13T06:11:27Z")
[quote=“Guinastasia, post:163, topic:801267”] HOW DID YOU GET TRICKED INTO IT??? You and your friend planned it in advance. :dubious: If **Shagnasty** had told it like, “I did this really shitty thing to this girl, and I wish I could take it back, because that’s a horrible thing to do to someone”, I don’t think people would be giving him nearly the grief he’s getting. And now the constant, “I was only 17! I was underage!” is just a bunch of bullshit. 17 is plenty old enough to know that something like is wrong. 17 is also old enough to be tried as an adult, especially when it comes to something like sexual assault. Look at it this way: if someone did something like this to one of your daughters, would you accept any of these excuses? [QUOTE] Let us put this to rest once and for all. I made a bad decision and should not have done it. I learned my lesson and will never repeat it. There was no damage done but it was still wrong. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/167 "2017-11-13T06:16:19Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My daughters are very different. My youngest is a world class gymnast that trains 30 hours a week while my oldest is a couch potato that can barely finish her homework. The latter is very smart but I haven’t managed to let reality slap her in the face yet but I am working on it. > > I get the comment that I don’t like women sometimes and it is incomprehensible. **Between my daughters and my mother** that writes popular books, nobody that actually knows me would ever think that. I am practically drowning in a sea of estrogen. It works fine for a while but it gets out of control after a few days. No, I am not going to Hobby Lobby to buy craft supplies on vacation. To be perfectly honest, single fathers need to get laid too and there is nothing wrong with that. Leave out your daughters’ innocence or extracurricular activities. One of them comes home and tells you her boyfriend had a mutual friend switch places mid makeout. How do you feel? Like he is the victim? No damage done- to her at least? Also, again, the women you care about are the ones related to you. The rest of us are commodities at best. emphasis added above. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/168 "2017-11-13T06:19:52Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The claims that I am a misogamist are bizarre Yeah. These claims, totally out of left field, they are. I can’t believe these terrible claims are being made, maligning your good name. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/169 "2017-11-13T06:23:18Z")
Interesting\* thread so far. > [@Shagnasty](#): > > …it would be awesome if Amazon sold customized girlfriends on demand. After reading this I wondered if this was based on some 4-D chess hotsexmagic algorithm that Amazon came up with that often resulted in an amazingly high hooking-up rate, or something more along the lines of that sinister 1975 movie with the debonair Peter Lawford in it. > [@Shagnasty](#): > > 200 So, the whole, STD thing…all cool on that front? > [@Shagnasty](#): > > …in the mean time and I could **do that** before the other gets back. > [@bobkitty](#): > > (bolding mine) > > You… you’re actually reading what you write, yes? ok - I’m gonna have to back up **bobkitty** here when I say - are you fucking kidding me, **shagnasty**? I gonna play Mr. Willfully Ignorant here and ask you to elaborate on that a little. > [@Ulfreida](#): > > Frankly it sounds like what you want is a call girl, not a date. For you it is purely business, the business of getting sex as efficiently as possible. Your problem is not that it is soulless and cold, that’s what you want. Your problem is that you call it dating. This is like haiku - BOOM. thank-you. \*If I’d been here since the early aughts - possibly less so. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/170 "2017-11-13T06:28:07Z")
[quote=“Shagnasty, post:166, topic:801267”] [quote=“Guinastasia, post:163, topic:801267”] HOW DID YOU GET TRICKED INTO IT??? You and your friend planned it in advance. :dubious: If **Shagnasty** had told it like, “I did this really shitty thing to this girl, and I wish I could take it back, because that’s a horrible thing to do to someone”, I don’t think people would be giving him nearly the grief he’s getting. And now the constant, “I was only 17! I was underage!” is just a bunch of bullshit. 17 is plenty old enough to know that something like is wrong. 17 is also old enough to be tried as an adult, especially when it comes to something like sexual assault. Look at it this way: if someone did something like this to one of your daughters, would you accept any of these excuses? > [@](#): > > Let us put this to rest once and for all. I made a bad decision and should not have done it. I learned my lesson and will never repeat it. There was no damage done but it was still wrong. Since none of you ever spoke about it again, how do you know no damage was done? You change your story and apparent attitude about the events w/ every other post, so the idea you’ve learned anything about being a decent human is laughable. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/171 "2017-11-13T06:50:47Z")
[quote=“Nawth\_Chucka, post:170, topic:801267”] [quote=“Shagnasty, post:166, topic:801267”] > [@Guinastasia](#): > > HOW DID YOU GET TRICKED INTO IT??? You and your friend planned it in advance. > > :dubious: > > If **Shagnasty** had told it like, “I did this really shitty thing to this girl, and I wish I could take it back, because that’s a horrible thing to do to someone”, I don’t think people would be giving him nearly the grief he’s getting. > And now the constant, “I was only 17! I was underage!” is just a bunch of bullshit. 17 is plenty old enough to know that something like is wrong. 17 is also old enough to be tried as an adult, especially when it comes to something like sexual assault. > Look at it this way: if someone did something like this to one of your daughters, would you accept any of these excuses? > > Since none of you ever spoke about it again, how do you know no damage was done? You change your story and apparent attitude about the events w/ every other post, so the idea you’ve learned anything about being a decent human is laughable. Listen, I have no idea why that story taps into people so deeply. It was just kissing and it was never my intention to do anything. I just thought it was a simple teenage joke that wasn’t even my idea. Women are weird when it comes to selective contact. All I did was kiss her (and vice versa). That is hardly the worst thing that can happen to someone. It is like claiming sexual assault by back rub. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/172 "2017-11-13T07:00:10Z")
[quote=“Shagnasty, post:171, topic:801267”] [quote=“Nawth\_Chucka, post:170, topic:801267”] > [@Shagnasty](#): > > Listen, I have no idea why that story taps into people so deeply. It was just kissing and it was never my intention to do anything. I just thought it was a simple teenage joke that wasn’t even my idea. > > Women are weird when it comes to selective contact. All I did was kiss her (and vice versa). That is hardly the worst thing that can happen to someone. It is like claiming sexual assault by back rub. We’re so weird in how we want to have consented to contact that we receive from other people. It’s so weird how we don’t like to be assaulted. It’s downright freaky how women who have been assaulted get upset when a man brags about sexually assaulting someone. Women, we are such weirdos about having autonomy and say over what happens to our bodies. And we must be the weird ones, b/c even though all the women posting here are bothered by it, you’re not and what you say goes in your world of white male privilege. Unwanted kissing \*\*is \*\*assault, btw. You should stop while you’re 50 feet underground, you disgusting misogynist. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/173 "2017-11-13T07:31:53Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Listen, I have no idea why that story taps into people so deeply. It was just kissing and it was never my intention to do anything. I just thought it was a simple teenage joke that wasn’t even my idea. > > Women are weird when it comes to selective contact. All I did was kiss her (and vice versa). That is hardly the worst thing that can happen to someone. It is like claiming sexual assault by back rub. So if some guy did that to one of your daughters, it would be no big deal? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/174 "2017-11-13T07:32:42Z")
It was not just kissing. Don’t attempt to gaslight. There was also an intent to do more. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/175 "2017-11-13T08:38:53Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > It was not just kissing. Don’t attempt to gaslight. There was also an intent to do more. For all we know, that part of his story was a lie and it was kissing. Or the whole story’s a lie and he’s simply retold that lie over and over. He could have been lying then, he could be lying now. But somewhere there are people who think as he claims to b/c they haven’t been told otherwise. I’m sick of it and I will be happy to tell them, through the OP if need be. B/c he’s not alone in his ideas. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/176 "2017-11-13T09:27:21Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > For all we know, that part of his story was a lie and it was kissing. Or the whole story’s a lie and he’s simply retold that lie over and over. He could have been lying then, he could be lying now. > But somewhere there are people who think as he claims to b/c they haven’t been told otherwise. I’m sick of it and I will be happy to tell them, through the OP if need be. B/c he’s not alone in his ideas. It is not a lie and certainly not a favorable one on my part. The story itself is true. I would love to say that it wasn’t true because of all the grief it caused but not to anyone actually involved. It was simply two teenagers making out under weird circumstances with no harm intended. Everyone makes mistakes. I am surprised this simple one has followed me around for the better part of my adult life on this board. People on this board have thought about way more than the people involved. I was so young then, it was well before I was genuinely sexually assaulted by gay male boss and his friends. I didn’t think that was a huge deal either. People react very differently to those type of events. I am so paranoid that I am reluctant to even try to kiss someone these days for the fear of a sexual assault accusation. It shouldn’t be that way. That is what I was worried about with my Long Island girl. We made out for a long time but I was scared when she stopped responding. Did I do something wrong? I didn’t think so but perception is everything in those types of matters. Every romantic comedy can be turned into a horror film if you just change the perceptions of the characters. It turns out I didn’t do anything wrong. It was just circumstances and we will go out again but I didn’t know that for a few days and that terrified me. Romantic relationships and even sex aren’t an extreme sport but some on the Left and Right sure want to make it feel that way. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/177 "2017-11-13T09:41:07Z")
Your daughters know what you’re doing. You think you might be keeping your “dating” separate from them, but they’re not stupid. You’re teaching them that women are disposable commodities to men. Way to go. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/178 "2017-11-13T09:43:32Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > It was not just kissing. Don’t attempt to gaslight. There was also an intent to do more. No there wasn’t. I wouldn’t have even known how to do “more” at the time. I was a virgin that only knew how to kiss. I just wanted to get out of it and was shocked that the idea worked at all. People keep projecting their own ideas onto the story but it is really just about teenagers doing something dumb. Newsflash - Teenagers make poor decisions and then kiss - News at 11. It is hardly the crime of the century and, again, we are all still friends. If you boil it down, I kissed my friend when I was very young under awkward circumstances. The SDMB is the only place where that story has any relevance because the people involved didn’t think about it much after it happened. I posted it as an anecdote but I never expected it to live on forever. It was never about sex. It was a simple prank that simultaneously worked and backfired contrary to my young expectations. I may have even been the one being pranked for all I know. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/179 "2017-11-13T11:14:46Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I may have even been the one being pranked for all I know. I know how you can get the answer to this question. After all, you’re still close to the woman you assaulted. Ring her up (or send her a link to one of the multiple times you posted the story) and ask her. “Hey, remember that time in high school when I took my shirt off, hid in a closet while you and your boyfriend made out, then changed places with him, got on top of you, engaged in petting and making out for 20 minutes, groaned when you talked so you didn’t know it was me, probably would’ve gone further if you weren’t on your period, then switched places again? And all our friends laughed about it later? Did that upset you at all, or was I the actual victim?” Please do report back what she says. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2017, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267/180 "2017-11-13T12:40:48Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > Listen, I have no idea why that story taps into people so deeply. . . . . > > Women are weird when it comes to selective contact. You are not ready for a mature relationship. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-problem-with-being-an-online-dating-addict/801267.md?page=10)