# Is there a way that I can relieve myself of child support **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 14, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711 "2004-12-14T02:23:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/121 "2004-12-15T15:37:37Z")
Yeah, his absence has let us make all kinds of assumptions about him and his GF–he’s a teenager, they didn’t use birth control, etc. etc. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/122 "2004-12-15T17:35:15Z")
> [@hauss](#): > > about 24 weeks ago i got my girlfriend pregnant and we are never gonna get married. > we have pretty much agreed upon adoption, because we did not want to kill it, but now its looking like she won’t be able to go through with it because she has gotten too attached to the baby. If she keeps the baby is there a way so that I can sign my rights away from the child to relieve myself of the otherwise necessary child support. > Please don’t ask why I don’t want to do it, all I want to know is if this type of thing is possible **hauss** , I sympathize for your situation. It just doesn’t seem fair to me that your future depends on the whims of another person who by virtue of their sex can make all the decisions regarding the outcome of your lovemaking, because society has determined that the proceeds of your ejaculation is now her property, not yours. It is ironic that you mentioned that you and her once had an agreement. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Your desire or position on this matter is completely irrelevant and I wish society today would focus on educating young men as to their financial vulnerability if they have sexual intercourse. If a young man makes “protected” love four times a month, and considering that condoms are effective 97% of the time, that young man will have unprotected sex at least once in a year. Can you imagine driving a car without insurance just one day in the year? If only we could educate young men to urge their partners for oral or anal sex instead. ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/123 "2004-12-15T20:50:18Z")
> [@wiggumpuppy](#): > > I also want to stress that child support laws are not uniform from state to state. That being said, the formula relied upon by the Pennsylvania court systems might be quite fair. Futhermore, a system riddled with flaws (like Georgia’s) might still arrive at an equitable result more often than not (read: please don’t berate me because you or your child are the victim of a deadbeat dad and the child support system in your state arrived at what could fairly be considered a just result). > > \ > > Look kid, be a man and face your problems. Things might not be as bad as they seem. DO this honestly and armed with information. Yes, child support law does vary from state to state. There are federal guidelines, but the actual law and implementation varies greatly. If \*\*hauss \*\* were in Washington, I’d know exactly who to send him to-- mr.stretch is a support enforcement officer who does outreach to our local schools. Mr.stretch pays child support himself so is able to see both sides of the issue fairly well. Many posters have suggested that hauss seek a lawyer’s advice. I would second this, but also urge you to talk to your local support enforcement office. They will provide you useful information on how to make sure you end up paying the correct amount as determined by law. They can help you determine if there are any deviations to the standard support amounts you can use to reduce your obligation; explain your options for payment; generally, they can give you quite a bit of good information. Then you can compare it with the information you get from the attorney and be better informed of what this will cost you. Because it is going to cost you. You simply can’t run away from this financial responsibilty. Bankruptcy does not discharge child support debts; leins can be placed on pretty much anything you own; and support enforcement can chase you from state to state, and even outside the country is some circumstances. Employers are required to report new employees to support enforcement so that it can be determined if there needs to be a wage withhold put into place. Unemployment, workers’ comp, military pay–these things are all available to be garnished. Your bank accounts can be seized if you are in arrears. You can be thrown in jail for non-payment, and then they can take the money in your jail bank account. They get lists of recent arrestees and can claim the money that you had on you when you were arrested. If you are deliberately under-employed (refuse to work full-time when it’s obvious you could; working beneath your skill level to reduce your income artificially, etc.) they can impute your income to what it should be. It goes on and on and on. About the only thing they can’t touch is SSI, which is why you are screwed, **Spongemom**. As a parent you have a financial responsibility. The state has an interest in making sure that you meet this obligation, so the government will ensure you pay. Mr.stretch’s job is to collect \*child \* support for the _child_. He doesn’t enjoy having to babysit a bunch of jerks who can’t be bothered to meet their obligations, but obviously somebody has to do it. Nobody likes a deadbeat. ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/124 "2004-12-15T21:06:59Z")
You don’t have to relieve yourself of child support. The state will garnish your wages for you. I think I read somewhere that you are in Florida? Here is how you can find your local child support office: [http://www.myflorida.com/dor/childsupport/phone.html](http://www.myflorida.com/dor/childsupport/phone.html) Here is more info: [ul]Child Support Enforcement Process: Child Support Guidelines Florida Statute (s. 61.30 F.S.) requires guidelines to be used in establishing new child support obligations or modifying existing obligations in a Florida court. All states are required to have statutory guidelines, but they may vary from state to state. The Florida guidelines must take into consideration all income and earnings of both parents and the children’s health care needs.[/ul] [Here is a worksheet](http://www.myflorida.com/dor/childsupport/pdf/poz8.pdf) that can be used to calculate both your financial obligations and hers. [More information](http://taxlaw.state.fl.us/cse1.asp) on Florida law. ---
**Author:** ![nutty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@nutty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nutty)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/125 "2004-12-15T21:09:56Z")
This whole thread breaks my heart. My son and his wife split up shortly after my only grandchild was born. I told my son that the day I found out he wasn’t paying his child support was the day I would **disown** him. I had raised my child without support help (my own decision) but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone and I strongly feel that parents (mother and father) have an obligation to provide for the children they create, whether they meant to create that child or not. My son (22 at the time) complained bitterly about how his ex had it so easy with all the state help and how he had it so hard with a chuck of every dollar he earned going to help her be lazy (his opinion). Well, my son got out of paying child support after all. His only child unexpectedly died 5 weeks shy of his second birthday in a freak accident. My son would _happily_ pay double what he was paying before if only he could have his son back again. To hear people grip about unwanted children since my only grandchild was taken from us too soon just kills me. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/126 "2004-12-15T22:08:37Z")
{{{{{{{{nutty}}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{nutty son/daughter-in-law}}}}}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![prisoner6655321](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f8ce5/32.png) [@prisoner6655321](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/prisoner6655321)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/127 "2004-12-17T16:24:17Z")
[In which I pit undecicive pro-choice dopers.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5621144#post5621144) Make up your mind. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/128 "2004-12-17T17:17:36Z")
> [@nutty](#): > > This whole thread breaks my heart. > My son and his wife split up shortly after my only grandchild was born. I told my son that the day I found out he wasn’t paying his child support was the day I would **disown** him. I had raised my child without support help (my own decision) but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone and I strongly feel that parents (mother and father) have an obligation to provide for the children they create, whether they meant to create that child or not. > My son (22 at the time) complained bitterly about how his ex had it so easy with all the state help and how he had it so hard with a chuck of every dollar he earned going to help her be lazy (his opinion). > Well, my son got out of paying child support after all. > His only child unexpectedly died 5 weeks shy of his second birthday in a freak accident. > My son would _happily_ pay double what he was paying before if only he could have his son back again. > To hear people grip about unwanted children since my only grandchild was taken from us too soon just kills me. I am very, very sorry for your loss, **nutty**. And your son’s, and his ex-wife. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/129 "2004-12-18T00:39:18Z")
> [@nutty](#): > > Well, my son got out of paying child support after all. > His only child unexpectedly died 5 weeks shy of his second birthday in a freak accident. Oh my. I think that puts the rest of this thread in perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Chotii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/130 "2004-12-18T01:22:35Z")
> [@grienspace](#): > > If only we could educate young men to urge their partners for oral or anal sex instead. Ah yes. Because anal sex, as we all know, carries no risks at all. ---
**Author:** ![Chotii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/131 "2004-12-18T01:39:40Z")
> [@grienspace](#): > > **hauss** , I sympathize for your situation. It just doesn’t seem fair to me that your future depends on the whims of another person who by virtue of their sex can make all the decisions regarding the outcome of your lovemaking, because society has determined that the proceeds of your ejaculation is now her property, not yours. It is ironic that you mentioned that you and her once had an agreement. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I think…one needs to have been pregnant, to understand how pregnancy can start out as something you’re ambivalent about or even hate with every shred of energy in you, and yet as it goes on, you can’t imagine putting an end to it. In my second pregnancy (which was twins) I was 15 weeks along before I got over absolutely hating the very thought of it. In my third pregnancy I was 18 or 19 weeks along before I stopped hating it. A few weeks later I was hospitalized with preterm labor issues, and stayed there for 8 weeks. I called my kid every name you can imagine - verminbaby, parasite, alien invader - but it would have gone against everything in me, to have said “I hate this, therefore I will have the thing inside me killed, and I will be free of it.” It’s not a thing you necessarily rationalize. It’s like running into a burning house to save a puppy. It goes against all reason, but _you do it anyway_, and it wouldn’t matter if you had an agreement with somebody beforehand. Instinct takes over. If **hauss** were to go this GF and say, you agreed you’d kill it, why aren’t you killing it? it would prove just how little he understands either women or instinct. > [@](#): > > Your desire or position on this matter is completely irrelevant and I wish society today would focus on educating young men as to their financial vulnerability if they have sexual intercourse. When I was younger, and dating in college, it would have been a relief to me to have my dates exercise some restraint in their ardor, regardless of their reasons. I got very tired of always being the one to say ‘no’. See, I was afraid of getting pregnant. It never seemed to really worry them. But then, they weren’t the ones who’d be getting pregnant, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/132 "2004-12-18T01:49:01Z")
**hauss** has been back to the Board. Didn’t have the…_desire_… to post here, though… :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/133 "2004-12-18T02:48:33Z")
Yeah, I can’t tell what’s up with that. There are apparently two people with access to that account; one is 19, one is 23. Don’t know which one is the “owner” of the account. Don’t know which one has the pregnant GF. Don’t know if the dad-to-be is the same person who starts pro-life threads in GD. For that matter, don’t know if there really IS a pregnant GF. Whole thing could be a work. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/134 "2004-12-18T03:57:08Z")
Well, yeah, but would a guy let himself be abused in four pages of this thread and that never-ending Pit thread for a joke? I know I don’t understand everybody’s senses of humor in the world, but geez. Neither of the threads have fallen off the first pages, so it’s not like he couldn’t see them. Strange. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/135 "2004-12-18T04:12:09Z")
Not necessarily a joke; more like an experiment. If this thread was started by the same person who started the pro-life thread in GD, perhaps he was presenting a hypothetical without designating it as such. As I said, there seem to be two people using the same account. Hard to tell if the dad-to-be is the same one who “loves” dirt bikes. If the dad-to-be is not the one who “owns” the user account, perhaps he hasn’t been able to get back on the boards since starting this thread. But **somebody** signed on to ask about dirt bike motors in GQ. By now, **somebody** could have posted under the name of **hauss** , in either this thread or the Pit trainwreck, with an explanation or an update. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2004, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711/136 "2004-12-23T07:48:20Z")
Guess that’s it, then. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-way-that-i-can-relieve-myself-of-child-support/279711.md?page=6)