This is how right-wingers react to corporations and traditional media promoting ‘diversity’. Is it really worse doing it via social media?
Yes, paid actors who represent some value a company wants to portray are less icky than people claiming to be “regular people” who don’t say that they are paid to prattle on about how they lurve being pregnant.
That actor on the commercial who uses a drug who happens to look really fit despite their gray hair, or happens to be Black, or is portrayed with a same-sex spouse may also strike some people as icky. But at least it’s honestly just an ad, representing the values of the people paying for the ad.
But the fact that i hated every minute of pregnancy probably also influences my response. Just as people who are racist don’t want to see happy prosperous Black people in ads.
Fair enough. I think that’s pretty normal for a 5 year old, though. It might just be that you were more responsible than average.
Sometimes I think I’ve had a charmed life, the amount of stupid shit I’ve done with no serious consequences. Especially when other women talk about all the precautions they take to stay safe from men, and I had no idea about most of it.
Guess what I just learned about autism… 
Generally it’s the attempt at social engineering they object to, and how it can break suspension of disbelief in a TV show or movie. And I daresay prejudice is involved in many cases. But yes, I think you’re right that it is worse when it’s (represented as) a real person’s real life rather than an actor.
Changing social media algorithms to promote child-related content doesn’t have the same ethical issues, though.
I’m with you on that one; I can’t imagine enjoying pregnancy, and felt lousy pretty much all the way through. Still, it was worth it to have my daughter. I’ve been ill or somewhat incapacitated other times, and didn’t get anything good out of it.
I know people who enjoyed being pregnant. I worked with a woman with a serious auto immune disorder who felt much better when she was pregnant, because pregnancy tamps down your immune system, for instance. And my mother felt “special” when she was pregnancy, and liked that feeling more than she disliked being nauseated much of the time. (I was the first child. I saw my mother run to the toilet to throw up so often that the first time i had a stomach bug, i ran to the toilet and threw up in the toilet.) But on net, she enjoyed being pregnant.
I hated every minute of pregnancy and everyone knew it.
Once I got through the miscarriage flashbacks, full body hives, and weeks of nausea, I was hit by incredible fatigue. I could only work 3-4 hours a day and then I would come home and sleep. I didn’t have the energy for even a conversation with my husband or to do something enjoyable. No books, no TV, just sleep. Since my life had virtually no meaning beyond incubating a fetus, I began to get very depressed.
I think some people in that situation could think, “It will all be worth it once I have my baby” but I guess things were messed up before I even gave birth, because it didn’t make me feel better. I was very anxious about having a baby. I very much wanted one for years and years but once I was pregnant the whole experience felt really just very scary. I knew I would be vulnerable to such things, which is why I would have preferred to adopt, but our failed adoption attempt is another story.
Sufficed to say my motherhood is hard-won and maybe I cherish it all the more.
I was severely depressed during my second pregnancy. It wasn’t for any reason, it was just due to hormonal imbalance. Basically, i had severe PMS for months.
And you can’t get any effective treatment when you’re pregnant. They just tell you, “don’t worry, it will pass”. Which is true, but doesn’t really help much.
When I had hives, they were really, really bad, bad enough that when I saw a GP he called the dermatologist to get me in immediately and practically walked me over there himself. They were absolutely fascinated, taking pictures and biopsies and stuff. I don’t think they were sure that they were hives. And of course nobody wanted to give me steroids. But the dermatologist did give me options and I took them even at potential risk to the fetus. I was afraid the hives were going to spread to my mouth because they were coming up my neck.
When I’m spitballing about what might have triggered my son’s autism I think about the hives, which had to be a stressor, and then the medication, which is unknown. I think about so many things or the combination of things either I intentionally did, or that happened that I had no control over (like prolonged rupture of membranes.)
I have always had sensitive skin. Incidentally, after I gave birth I had a few more episodes of hives, not as severe but equally mysterious, and I believe I found the culprit: red bedsheets. I had a set in purple and red but the purple ones were fine. It’s when I got a second set in red that the problems started. I went through a few more versions of sheets unsuccessfully before discovering bamboo. Can’t imagine using anything else now.
My experience was just so bad that whenever someone is pregnant I tend to assume they must be miserable, and have to check myself.
I didn’t have anything as bad as you described this, but I developed psoriasis on the back of my scalp during pregnancy, and naturally all the effective treatments, even coal tar shampoo, are not considered safe during pregnancy. It cleared up after my daughter was born, and fingers crossed hasn’t recurred since.
I didn’t find the vomiting a problem so much as the constant nausea, which was present 24/7 and lasted long into the second trimester. I had a fairly healthy diet before I got pregnant, but during it I was living on ginger nuts and other junk, because that was all I could eat.
And the exhaustion: I got tired out walking half a mile, I couldn’t focus at work and my productivity plummeted, and when I got home I was napping all evening and then going to bed early, so I basically had no life. Fortunately that part improved after 15 weeks or so.
After the nausea went away, I had terrible reflux with heartburn, so I still had a very limited diet. And I just found it very uncomfortable - sometimes painful - having a growing foetus inside me. I’m usually quite physically capable, and I enjoy that. I hated not being able to do things and not feeling like my body was my own - I would much rather have changed places with my husband and done the fussing-over and helping, rather than being pregnant.
If I got pregnant again, I would think that. But at the time, I still wasn’t 100% sure I wanted a baby and was nervous about how it would turn out, and I didn’t feel any kind of bond with her until she was born. Plus pregnancy is scary in general because there are so many things that can go wrong, and you have no control over the process. Most of the things we do in life, we have some agency in, and it’s hard to handle a situation where you don’t.
Before having a baby I thought it would be better to be a man, because they don’t have to deal with all the suckiness and pain of a menstrual cycle, and can have kids without having to go through pregnancy and birth, and without being the primary parent with the resulting demands, negative effects on career, and lack of time for hobbies. But becoming a mother has given me a different perspective: I have a very close relationship with my daughter that comes from being the primary parent - and even in part from going through the unpleasant parts of pregnancy and child birth - and I wouldn’t want to give that up. I no longer feel so resentful about these inconvenient aspects of being female now that I’ve got something so wonderful from them. 
Thanks, food for thought.
It makes me wonder about how much a population bombarded by advertising is actually subconsciously affected by it versus developing the ability to tune it out completely. But that surely is a topic for another thread and I won’t mention it again in this one.
My husband and i traded off who was primary parent, and he did that for a lot more years than i did. That’s not, actually, a biological requirement. Kids are dependant for an awful lot longer than they nurse, and bottles are a thing.
“I listen to a podcaster every week who’s really encouraging about my desire to have children. But I live in Florida.”
Huh?
Some states aren’t friendly to pregnant women who incur serious medical complucations.
Sorry, I assumed that issue had been covered in this interesting and wide ranging discussion.
I live in FL. I was aware of seriously stupid anti-abortion legislation. I don’t see major connection between that and people desiring pregnancy.
I get the point that abortions for medical reasons are now a PITA due to rampant MAGA / DeSantis stupidity. Were I in the babymaking zone l sure would not be letting them veto my impending parenthood on the off-chance I might have to fuss, or travel, to get an abortion should a rare complication arise.
I know three people who had an ectopic pregnancy. It’s an emergency. The ambulance hauls you off to the hospital, where they see you quickly and treat you. If that’s not an option where you live, and you have any hesitancy about getting pregnant, you might just decide not to do it. It’s not so much an “i might have to travel if something goes wrong” as it is “my risk of death is a lot higher is something goes wrong”.
Also, doctors who aren’t allowed to competently treat their patients are leaving places that forbid lifesaving treatments. I gather it’s getting harder to find an obstetrician in a bunch of places.
Are those big factors? I have no idea.
Not that rare; women used to die a lot more from complications of pregnancy and childbirth. Keeping them from modern medicine brings all that back. Plenty of women worldwide have died do to anti-abortion laws.
Which, of course is the whole point. Every woman who dies is a victory for the Right.
If I’m reading you correctly, you seem unaware of how closely connected abortion access is to maternal and infant mortality. Abortion laws kill pregnant women, for a wide range of reasons, but one that might go unconsidered is that performing abortions on a regular basis is how obstetricians know how to intervene when a pregnant woman is having a life-threatening emergency. When that skill and talent is lost, either because the surgeon goes to work in some other state or they aren’t getting regular work, women die.
I live in a state that has enshrined reproductive health care access into the constitution. I would never even consider getting pregnant in a state like Florida - which ironically, I actually did get pregnant in Florida in 2013, had a miscarriage that was a missed abortion - meaning the fetus died but my body did not expel the fetus - and had to wait for a week with a dead fetus in my body - a significant health risk and known factor contributing to the trauma - to get the D&C procedure approved. I don’t recall the specifics as it was my husband mostly wading through that red tape.
I would not dream of taking that risk today. There are certain states where it is not safe to be a pregnant woman.
This is why my husband wouldn’t let me go to a Catholic hospital. Not that I was insisting on it or anything.
This. So much this.
If you’ll count me you know four.
1982, Boston (thank the gods and goddesses). Barely survived. Easily the worst pain I’ve ever had to endure.