“I am entirely comfortable deciding who lives and who dies on this bucket.”
Ya know, I’d be more sympathetic to “the safety lecture is a waste of time” argument if I didn’t give myself a safety lecture every time I stepped into the cockpit. It doesn’t hurt you to hear it again, and in emergency you want the knowledge of what to do to be automatic, not something you have to rummag through your brain for.
That said, when I fly a passenger in a plane that has 4-point harnesses for “seatbelts” I usually do have to help them out, as most people aren’t familiar with how those work or adjust. I often have to add items like “don’t bump that - I need it for steering the airplane. If you feel a need to hang onto something for dear life you can grab here, here, and here but not here, and for Og’s sake please do NOT put a death grip on the pilot sitting next to you. It’s very distracting and I need to pay attention to flying the airplane.”
Small Pipers are fun, too - they only have one door - “The one and only exit is to your right. In the event of an emergency, please do not exit the airplane until we are on the ground. When we are on the ground, exit promptly. If you are confused and not sure where the door next to your right elbow is located, just follow me out after I run across your lap on my way out.”
I instruct in a lot of Pipers, mostly Warriors, which means I’m closest to the door in the right seat. Here is the conclusion of my safety briefing to passengers:
“There is only one door in this aircraft, over here next to me. To open, unlock here (demo), open here (demo) and exit to the rear away from the prop, having first climbed over my lifeless body.”
Just before takeoff I add:
“Don’t worry, I’ve done this before… and it almost worked.”
or…
“Don’t worry, I’m a highly trained professional… plumber.”
I’m a huge fan of airline check lists and those instructions need to be reviewed at every flight. I became a fan when a captain with 15,000 hrs of left seat time forgot to verify a fuel switch setting and ported a tank on final (small aircraft). The shortest of check lists need to be followed for safety. The extent of an emergency cannot be predicted and therefore you cannot rely on having enough time to review procedures. It’s also difficult to demonstrate something when panic has ensued.
When I’m flying with a passenger I go over safety procedures in the event of an engine failure in addition to what to look for in VFR conditions. And for the pilots who read this, I’ve added “open door slightly” to the emergency list to avoid having it jammed by a buckling frame.
Because guess who gets to bail out the airlines when they get sued into oblivion?
You do realize, of course, that the reason that most passengers already know the safety briefing is that they give it on every flight, right? If they stopped doing it, then eventually, people would be clueless again.
Eventually, yes. So maybe they could only do it occaisonally, or not on the subsequent legs of trips; eg Auckland-Los Angeles-London. Do the safety thing at the start of the flight out from Auckland, don’t bother with it after taking off from LA since most of the people on board have seen it and anyone who hasn’t can read the card in the pocket in front of them.
They do allow the illiterate to fly, you know.
No. How are they supposed to know that everyone has heard it before? Ask? That’s taking an unnecessary risk.
And even if everyone has already heard it, who is to say that people would remember it? Sure, most people would, but again, why take a needless risk?
I get to do the part 91 safety spiel when I take people for glider rides. Not only 4 or 5 point harnesses but parachutes and oxygen masks that often get used as well. I try to make it hold their attention.
“If you hear me say ‘GET OUT OF THE AIRPLANE,’ and you say ‘What?’ You will be talking to an empty cockpit.”
“If you need to use the parachute, LOOK at the handle, and grab it with both hands. If you don’t look and grab this strap instead of the handle, you will be pulling on that strap for the rest of your life.”
“And I suppose you know what this paper bag is for. If you think you may need to use it, it is a good idea to plan ahead and have your oxygen mask off before the moment arrives. Also, let me know how you’re doing, as we are not on a schedule, and I can land whenever, and much prefer a short flight to cleaning out the airplane.”
I usually read the card when I first sit down on an airliner, and appear to pay attention to the briefing. It affords a good opportunity to wink at the stew if she is cute. It really doesn’t take any extra time, as the pilots have to do their pre-flight anyway.
“Hey, cool, it’s a comic strip. Wait a minute, look here. It says if I reach down and pull on this handle, a giant red spear will fly out and hit me in the head. Better not do that then.”
I was on a recent Southwest flight, and the flight attendent got to the part about federal law prohibiting tampering with smoke detectors in the lavatories, and that there was a $1,500 fine for tampering with said detectors.
Then she added, “And we figured that if you wanted to spend that kind of money today, you would have flown Delta.” 
Here’s a different twist on the safety demonstration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiMcjyr3n2o
On the water landing in the Hudson, one of the passengers commented that, “We did it just as the safety briefing said, and everyone was all right when we hit the water.” Or words to that effect, this morning, NewsRadio 880 AM.
I think that pretty much says it all. It worked. Don’t eff with it.
I am the opposite. Plan in advance? I am much happier if I convince myself that a plane journey is just a routine, everyday thing not worth thinking too hard about. If I start down the road of planning what to do in the event of a crash, logic will dictate that I don’t get on the damn thing in the first place.
(I don’t actually have a problem with flying as such. However, I have worked and been around mehanics and technicians all my life, and I have seen some of the smartest and most diligent people you could ever meet STILL make mistakes with machinery. So every time I hear a rattle, or hear the engine change pitch, I can’t help but wonder if an engineer has torqued a bolt wrong, or forgotten to plug in a certain connector. I know its unlikely, and I know about redundant systems, but I still think it and it makes plane journeys very uncomfortable. I don’t go on rollercoasters for the same reason.)