# Is there anything I can do or say to make my guy stop smoking? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 9, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010 "2006-05-09T03:02:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/61 "2006-05-10T20:08:04Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] "_Spare me your histrionics. …And see a psychiatrist, because there’s something very seriously wrong with you" “You seem awfully confident in what your saying for someone who’s clearly talking out of his ass.” “damn, you guys are self-righteous and you don’t place much value on actual facts, do you?”_ Hell, I’m not a Mod, _but you asked._ 😛 [/QUOTE] Right, but your dismissing everything I say because I’m an addict and clearly incapable of rational thought - oh, that was perfectly appropriate, right? No, it wasn’t, though it _was_ an excellent illustration of your ignorance when it comes to the medical model of addiction. I guess you feel that spouting insulting psychobabble is an appropriate way to argue? Besides, you _were_ “talking out of your ass” - you were exaggerating the unpleasantness of cigarette smoke beyond recognition. When I appraised your statements, I might not have been being generous but I _was_ right. Once again, I’m going to do my best to believe that not all non-smokers are as self-righteous as you, and **nyctea** , and many of the other people who post in these sorts of threads. If I ever have the misfortune of meeting you, though, I’ll be sure to blow smoke in your face. You’ve long-since given up any right to criticize my behavior in this thread, **DrDeth**. But I guess hypocrisy goes nicely with your self-righteousness, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/62 "2006-05-10T20:14:12Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] Well, some dudes don’t think that the dude/dudette with a pint of cheap cologne “reeks” either- but **most people** do. And **the majority** of non-smokers think that heavy smokers “reek”. “mmm’kay”? [/QUOTE] (bolding mine) I believe that **WhyNot** ’s point was that no one can speak for “most” or “the majority” of any people, and I think it’s a little arrogant to assume otherwise. I’m another nonsmoker who doesn’t find the smell of smokers to be anywhere near as bad as what’s been melodramatically described in this thread, so that’s at least two nonsmokers you sure aren’t speaking for. All some of us are asking is for others to drop the broad brushes and just speak for _themselves_. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/63 "2006-05-10T22:05:42Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] If you’re such a delicate flower that the smell of cigarette smoke makes you vomit, then don’t date smokers. And see a psychiatrist, because there’s something very seriously wrong with you. [/QUOTE] There’s something _seriously wrong_ with someone who feels like vomiting when they smell a putrid disgusting odor? To me, and to many people, the smell of smoke is just as nasty as shit, body odor, or rotting meat. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/64 "2006-05-10T22:12:49Z")
[QUOTE=WOOKINPANUB] Then hysterical harpies come along with brilliant offerings like “if you loved your man, you’d quit” and the urbane “you’re stinky”. I’m just about the only person in my circle that smokes and not one of my friends or family says stupid shit like this. [/QUOTE] They may not SAY to your face that you stink, but I bet at least some of them are thinking it. Nobody like a smelly person. This concept is not rocket science. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/65 "2006-05-10T22:22:12Z")
[QUOTE=davenportavenger nyctea IS being self-righteous. Nobody’s really denying that one.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Excalibre] I’m going to do my best to believe that not all non-smokers are as self-righteous as you, and nyctea, [/QUOTE] Please, explain to me how supporting the OP and saying that yes, smoke smells bad, and I too think that (many or most) smokers smell bad, and it sometimes makes me feel sick too… how is this SELF-RIGHTEOUS? I truly don’t get it. Isn’t it obvious that if you’re inhaling a certain odor, and surrounded by a certain odor as you inhale it, that you and your clothes might smell like that odor? How is stating the obvious being self-righteous? ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/66 "2006-05-10T22:42:55Z")
**Excalibre** , you already have one warning in this thread. Tone it down, or take it to the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/67 "2006-05-10T22:52:46Z")
[QUOTE=Frank] **Excalibre** , you already have one warning in this thread. Tone it down, or take it to the Pit. [/QUOTE] Excuse me? Why is my behavior any worse than **DrDeth** ’s? ---
**Author:** ![scott62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@scott62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott62)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/68 "2006-05-10T22:59:00Z")
If you find anything that works please let me know. My wife has stopped smoking loads of times. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/69 "2006-05-10T23:01:03Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] Excuse me? Why is my behavior any worse than **DrDeth** ’s? [/QUOTE] How can you think there is any comparison? You are a drug addict. (So am I, for that matter, as I’m also a smoker.) The sampler of comments collected in post #59 are far too confrontational for IMHO. In my moderator’s opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/70 "2006-05-10T23:12:32Z")
[QUOTE=Frank] How can you think there is any comparison? You are a drug addict. (So am I, for that matter, as I’m also a smoker.) The sampler of comments collected in post #59 are far too confrontational for IMHO. In my moderator’s opinion. [/QUOTE] Fine, but why is **DrDeth** getting a pass on being equally rude? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/71 "2006-05-10T23:22:50Z")
[Official Moderator Warning] **Excalibre** , I am giving you a second official warning because you completely ignored the first one and continued to insult and attack others. You will not be told to bahave again.[/Official Moderator Warning] ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/72 "2006-05-10T23:26:48Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] Fine, but why is **DrDeth** getting a pass on being equally rude? [/QUOTE] Because I don’t believe he was equally rude, else I’d have included him in my note. The only thing that was even close was his comment about your being in deep denial. Sheesh, **Excalibre** , you’ve made some good points in the thread, and asked the OP a very good question (which neither the OP nor any other anti-smoker has answered), and if you could have just left out the nasty remarks, neither I nor **Czarcasm** would have had a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/73 "2006-05-10T23:27:47Z")
And I see that my post has become irrelevant. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/74 "2006-05-10T23:35:20Z")
[QUOTE=Frank] And I see that my post has become irrelevant. [/QUOTE] [Moderator Underoos On]Not really-we just responded at the same time. Just for the record, btw, if anyone wants to get on my bad side, just try using the old “But **Whatsisname** did it too!” argument. If **Whatsisname** does something bad, you can either report it or ignore it-there is NO third option.[/Moderator Underoos On] ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/75 "2006-05-10T23:36:11Z")
[QUOTE=Frank] Because I don’t believe he was equally rude, else I’d have included him in my note. The only thing that was even close was his comment about your being in deep denial. Sheesh, **Excalibre** , you’ve made some good points in the thread, and asked the OP a very good question (which neither the OP nor any other anti-smoker has answered), and if you could have just left out the nasty remarks, neither I nor **Czarcasm** would have had a problem. [/QUOTE] I guess I’m not quite as skilled as **DrDeth** at skating right on the line, am I? In fact, I can’t really tell where it is. To me, it seems awfully rude - jerkish, even - to begin arguing with someone and then entirely dismiss their responses not on their merits but because of some aspect of their personal life. Clearly either the rules are being applied differently to different posters, or you guys have a rather mysterious way of defining what’s acceptable and what’s not. I guess the idea is to be as deliberately inflammatory as you can without crossing some invisible line, huh? I’ve never been very good at that kind of thing. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/76 "2006-05-10T23:45:02Z")
There is nothing you can say to a person to make them quit smoking if they do not already want to quit. My ex boyfriend tried it. It’s one of the leading reasons he is my **ex** boyfriend. Among some other things he did that bothered me, he wouldn’t stop telling me about smoking. He had no ability to accept that whether I smoked or not was my decision, so he’s gone. He was a nag about it, that whole ‘You have to change for me.’ thing. Now he can nag someone else. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/77 "2006-05-11T00:33:44Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] Umm, Dude? here’s what I said: " It’s especially bad if you have a jacket or something _you don’t wash that often_, and the smoke reek is embedded in every fiber. " I wasn’t talking about “freshly laundered clothing” I was talking about UNwashed clothing, and it’s especially bad in jackets. [/QUOTE] Umm…_Dude_? I wasn’t referring to your post. I was referring to another poster who specifically _said_ they knew of people who threw out half their wardrobes and couches because of the smell. Not everyone here is addressing you. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/78 "2006-05-11T00:39:06Z")
[QUOTE=scott62] If you find anything that works please let me know. My wife has stopped smoking loads of times. :mad: [/QUOTE] My husband has also stopped many times. He used the patch the last time, and he hasn’t smoked for four or five years now. It was very hard for him, but he finally did it. For those keeping score at home, he didn’t smoke (tobacco, anyway) while we were dating. He took up smoking in the Air Force, because smokers got smoke breaks and nonsmokers got assigned to pick up the area during the smokers’ breaks (this could be the subject of a Pit rant, so I’ll leave it there). We were engaged while he was in the AF, and while he was overseas, he was so overcome with loneliness (or horniness) that he flew back to the States and wanted to get married RIGHT NOW. We got married in three days…it took three days for the blood tests. He swore he’d quit smoking after we were married. It took him over 20 years to do so. My advise is not to believe in promises, just don’t date someone with a different smoking status than you. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/79 "2006-05-11T00:44:10Z")
[QUOTE=nyctea scandiaca] Please, explain to me how supporting the OP and saying that yes, smoke smells bad, and I too think that (many or most) smokers smell bad, and it sometimes makes me feel sick too… how is this SELF-RIGHTEOUS? I truly don’t get it. Isn’t it obvious that if you’re inhaling a certain odor, and surrounded by a certain odor as you inhale it, that you and your clothes might smell like that odor? How is stating the obvious being self-righteous? [/QUOTE] Apparently someone hasn’t heard of a little concept called “it’s not what you say but how you say it”… I’ve noticed in quite a few threads **nyctea** that you appear to have a _very_ high opinion of yourself and a fairly low tolerance for opinions you don’t agree with. If that impression is far off the mark, you may want to re-think how you express yourself in your posts. ---
**Author:** ![tsarina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f4b2a3/32.png) [@tsarina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tsarina)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010/80 "2006-05-11T03:17:38Z")
Should I come in and clear a few things up? This is actually probably not the best time for my dude to quit smoking (or for me to help him out with it). We’re doing the long-distance thing right now while I’m in grad school, and won’t see each other on a regular basis until October, and then I’m leaving for Peace Corps in January. We started dating last fall while I was doing the hurricane refugee thing for the semester, and neither of us intended for it to get really serious… but here we are all these months later and still really dig each other, and we’ve been faithful to each other all along, so I guess we might be in this for the long haul. We get along great and I love hanging out with him, except for when he’s smoking (hence the OP). I’ve always hated the smell of his cigarettes, but I promised not to badger him about it when we started dating, and I haven’t. This has been hard as hell for me, because God knows I usually can’t keep my mouth shut when something bothers me, but I’ve been good about it, like I said. It’s just that this past weekend when we hung out, I got a whiff of smoke from his breath when we were, um, getting intimate, and it turned my stomach for some reason, which has never happened before. I guess I just don’t understand what having an addiction means, and don’t see why, if he said he’s trying to quit, he can’t just throw them away and be done with it. So that’s my situation. Feel free to fire away some more if necessary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-anything-i-can-do-or-say-to-make-my-guy-stop-smoking/356010.md?page=5)