# Is there still a stigma for divorced people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 8, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656 "2013-02-08T00:17:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/21 "2013-02-08T21:18:25Z")
I think it might be possible that people project the feelings of anger, guilt or loss on other people stigmatizing them. People may also judge the circumstances around the divorce. i.e. if someone cheated or whatever. It may also be difficult for divorced people to socialize with their married friends. They might always feel like the singleton while married couples don’t want to go to a bunch of activities designed for singles. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/22 "2013-02-08T21:32:58Z")
> [@SweetiePotato](#): > > Yes, this happened with my husband, too. Of course, he says most of them were his ex-wife’s friends and their husbands and he just tagged along. But he was surprised and hurt that none of the husbands of their former couple-friends reached out to him when he was going through his divorce. That happened to me too. Thankfully, I only liked a couple of them and we are still friends. The rest was her package deal and I would have been happy to include them in divorce agreement with nothing requested in return. I got much better friends on my own a year or two later and got to reconnect with all of my old ones that I neglected because she didn’t fit in with them. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/23 "2013-02-08T21:36:06Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Divorced? I’d say no. Divorced three times? Yeah, probably. Beat me to it. Anyone can make a mistake once. Twice? OK. However by time a person has divorced 3 times, their concept of marriage must be a lot different than mine or they are prone to very bad decision making. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/24 "2013-02-08T22:25:39Z")
Time and place mean everything here. Back in the 40s and 50s when I was growing up, there was a strong stigma attached to divorce. Now, almost none there (NE US). But I’ll bet the are geographical and religious groups who still frown heavily. Context is all. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/25 "2013-02-08T22:36:37Z")
I got divorced in 1995 and aside from one crazy lady at my church making a rude comment (and she was certifiable) I got nothing but support and acceptance from my church, and really didn’t feel any stigma, except that me and my family just kind of got ignored. We didn’t have a huge circle of friends, and we moved and changed schools, so we just never saw any of those people again. I was embarassed by the whole situation, of course, because no one really wants to admit that your spouse cheated and found someone he liked better. But no social ostracizing of note. My current SO, however, says there is such a bias in his field of work against divorced men that he wears a wedding ring and sort of lets people think he’s married, even though he has been divorced for over ten years. Caused him some issues when he bought a house and the bank didn’t believe he was single. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2013, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/26 "2013-02-08T23:25:19Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I think it might be possible that people project the feelings of anger, guilt or loss on other people stigmatizing them. > > People may also judge the circumstances around the divorce. i.e. if someone cheated or whatever. > > It may also be difficult for divorced people to socialize with their married friends. They might always feel like the singleton while married couples don’t want to go to a bunch of activities designed for singles. This. My husband got divorced in '92. With the exception of those that were poisoned by his ex-wife’s tall tales, no one else cared or blinked an eye. For those she influenced? They were very invested because of their own experiences. The spouse didn’t (and still doesn’t) give a shit. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/27 "2013-02-09T01:53:52Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > Time and place mean everything here. Back in the 40s and 50s when I was growing up, there was a strong stigma attached to divorce. Now, almost none there (NE US). But I’ll bet the are geographical and religious groups who still frown heavily. Context is all. One of my grandmother’s friends from school had divorced. The ex-wife & kids moved to a new town, where she pretended to be a widow. Grandma only found out when her friend’s “uncle” came to pick them up for a visit and her little brother slipped up and called him Daddy. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/28 "2013-02-09T17:36:38Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > It does not carry the stigma that it did up through, say, the 1960s. I think the woman got the worse end of the social stigma deal. By the 1990s this was largely gone, partly due to more liberal social standards and partly due to the increasing divorce rate. I’m very surprised your mom felt like a pariah. I was divorced in 1985 and neither my ex nor I experienced any such thing. I’m sure it can vary widely depending on your age, where you live and what your social circle is like. A divorced twenty-something New Yorker is likely to have a different experience than a divorced fifty-something person in a conservative, religious small town. And someone who stayed in their hometown is going to have a very different experience than someone who moved to another one with their spouse and whose whole married-social-life was with their spouse - maybe even with the spouse’s old friends. > [@JerrySTL](#): > > Beat me to it. Anyone can make a mistake once. Twice? OK. However by time a person has divorced 3 times, their concept of marriage must be a lot different than mine or they are prone to very bad decision making. We once saw an interview with someone who was in that situation, about to get married by the fourth time, and who said “oh, I really believe in marriage!” Ever since, my family has referred to those as believing in _weddings_. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/29 "2013-02-09T19:40:56Z")
> [@JerrySTL](#): > > Beat me to it. Anyone can make a mistake once. Twice? OK. However by time a person has divorced 3 times, their concept of marriage must be a lot different than mine or they are prone to very bad decision making. Or they are some kind of celebrity. ---
**Author:** ![solosam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@solosam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solosam)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/30 "2013-02-09T21:27:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Divorced? I’d say no. Divorced three times? Yeah, probably. > [@](#): > > Beat me to it. Anyone can make a mistake once. Twice? OK. However by time a person has divorced 3 times, their concept of marriage must be a lot different than mine or they are prone to very bad decision making. I know people who have married a partner on their fourth or fifth marriage. This should be what detectives refer to as a “clue.” When wife number five gets dumped in favor of wife number six, she cries while the rest of us scratch our heads. Did you think you were special and everything would be different this time? ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2013, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656/31 "2013-02-10T04:59:07Z")
I remember when I was growing up people didn’t even say divorce in front of us kids, it was spelled out. When the woman up the street got one it was whispered about and people felt sorry for her that she was ‘one of those women’. When I got divorced in 1980, if there was still a stigma I never noticed it. My parents were horrified though, I was the first divorce on the Catholic side of my family. My mother felt a whole lot better when a number of my great aunts told her they admired my nerve and wish they would have gotten divorced. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-still-a-stigma-for-divorced-people/649656.md?page=1)