# Is There Such a Thing as Mr. Right or Ms. Right? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 1999, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476 "1999-12-20T03:26:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/21 "2000-01-03T20:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > the key word is respect. Learn to respect yourself (easier said than done); then you can respect other people, and recognize when they’re treating you (and themselves) with respect. --ScarletP > [@](#): > > My philosophy boils down to “know yourself.” Think what’s really important to you – mentally, physically, spiritually. --Beruang I don’t think there’s necessarily **a** Mr./Ms. Right for anyone - I believe there can be many. But before anyone can be right for you, _you’ve got to be right for yourself!_ Scarlet and Beruang rightly pointed out that in your search for someone else, be sure you know who/where YOU are first. I think this is hugely important. IMHO, not nearly enough people look within before looking without. And if _you_ don’t know who you are and respect that person, how can you expect anyone else to? Hence, if you don’t do a little work on yourself first, you’re going to end up with someone just as in the dark about you as you are - a relationship doomed to fail. Been there, done that. Now I’m on the _right_ road and it’s GRAND! * * * **StoryTyler** “Not everybody does it, but everybody should.” [I Spy Ty.](http://sites.netscape.net/storytyler/homepage) ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/22 "2000-01-03T21:02:00Z")
Yes, there is such a thing as Mr. or Ms. Right. However, many people make the mistake of thinking that meeting Mr. or Ms. Right will mean that bliss will occur without any effort to properly accommodate one another, since if they’re already “Right”, by definition there’s no further effort necessary. A hammer and chisel might be the “Right” tool for creating a beautiful sculpture. But if one doesn’t put in the effort to learn to use the tools properly, all the new hammer-and-chisel owner will have is the same stone block…or worse, a pile of gravel. Mr./Ms. Right is out there, as I have found in my own lovely wife. But if not for the efforts we have made to _be_ the other’s Mr./Ms. Right, and to properly care for our Mr./Ms. Right, we may very well be a lot less happy…and not due to any inherent flaw in our choices of mate. * * * Chaim Mattis Keller [cmkeller@compuserve.com](mailto:cmkeller@compuserve.com) “Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.” – Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/23 "2000-01-03T21:13:00Z")
I think Baloo hit the nail on the head with: > [@](#): > > In a relationship, the only thing you have control over is your own behavior. If you haven’t got at least a little control over that, you don’t need to be in a relationship anyway. I’ll go a little farther and say that If you are not happy with yourself ( for the most part) how can you expect anyone to be happy with you? Also, if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will. (Wait for my best selling book …Motivational Cliches. On sale now in the lobby.) Relationships do change over the years and so do personalities. It’s called settling in and getting comfortable. If any of it becomes vulgar, abusive or destructive, it’s time to get out of the situation quick. Most changes are of the more mundane. I know I have changed (I’m not as social anymore and getting me out of the house takes some doing because 1) either I’m sick of the driving to everyone else’s house to say HI and no one comes to our house in the sticks (they all bail at the last minute) or 2) I just can’t justify spending the money. I know I have to make a compromise for the sake of my husbands sanity because he is a social butterfly and for my children, or they will grow up thinking that Mommy is Howard Hughes-ish. Thing is, when I do get out, I have a great time. It’s getting me past the threshold that’s a challenge. Compromise is the key. ---
**Author:** ![Guy\_Propski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Guy\_Propski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_Propski)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2000, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/24 "2000-01-03T22:35:00Z")
Sure there’s a Ms. Right. I married her. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/25 "2000-01-04T01:15:00Z")
\*Bastardization of a Zen parable: \* A certain man is nice, intelligent, good-looking, rich, etc. He goes out travelling across the country to find “The Perfect Woman” to marry. After years of searching, he comes back home, still alone. His friends ask what happened. He replies: "In _such-and-such_ province the women were beautiful beyond one’s dreams. I met the most gorgeous of them, but kept searching. In the next province, the women were brilliant beyond compare. I met the smartest of them, but kept searching. In the next province were the most compassionate women in the world. I met the most sensitive among them, but kept searching. I travelled on, finding the most talented, sensual, eloquent, _etc._ women… Until, at last, I came to a kingdom wherein the women were nearly perfect. I met a woman who was smart, sensitive, pretty, talented, hardworking, humorous, sexy, wealthy, caring…_everything_ a man could possibly hope for in a wife. “So why didn’t you marry her?” his friends asked. “Alas, she was looking for the perfect man,” he replied. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/26 "2000-01-04T08:43:00Z")
For those looking for their perfect match: I highly recommend a short story by Harlan Ellison titled “Grail”. It’s about a search for True Love. “I know that my true friend will appear after my death, and my sweetheart died before I was born.” Actually, read anything by Harlan Ellison you can get your hands on. ---
**Author:** ![Dizzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d78d45/32.png) [@Dizzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dizzy)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/27 "2000-01-04T09:55:00Z")
I have been married almost 3 years to a man I have known for off and on for 10 years. We met in college, and we were each-others’ first real loves (I didn’t date much in high school- I was a late bloomer). When he went away to a new school, we broke up. We didn’t speak for 4 years. In the mean time, I dated a horriable man who took advantage of me and ended up stalking me after we broke up. I knew I never wanted another man like this in my life again. I never forgot my first love; I called him “the one that got away”. I figured, “what the hell?”, and I wrote him a letter at the last address I knew for him. He took 3 months to answer, and we got back together. I found out that he had been engaged to this awful, vendictive girl, and at the height of the break-up with her, her received my letter. We were married about seven months latter. My point is, I am lucky. I found a man who respects me, loves me dearly, takes _such_ good care of me when I am sick, is the funniest person I have ever met… and the best part is he feels the same way about me. I almost let the perfect man go. He almost let the perfect woman go. (I define perfect here to mean “perfect for each-other”) What if he had been married when I wrote to him? What if his address had changed? And the biggie- what if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me again and just ignored my letter? So I believe there is a Mr. or Ms. Right. You just have to be very lucky. * * * Dizzy _You people have been holding me back long enough! I’m going to clown college!_ ---
**Author:** ![Guy\_Propski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Guy\_Propski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guy_Propski)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476/28 "2000-01-04T19:43:00Z")
The funny thing about Ellison–he says he met his Ms. Right. He’s now married to her and madly in love (read his short story “Susan” in “Mind Fields”). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-mr-right-or-ms-right/12476.md?page=1)