# Is there such a thing as rich people toilet paper **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 19, 2020, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094 "2020-04-19T01:07:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Telperion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telperion/32/509_2.png) [@Telperion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperion)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2020, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/21 "2020-04-19T21:42:43Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > If by some crazed, misguided chance Chump ever gets his mug on a bill, I’ll be using that to wipe my ass. I don’t think they make a 1-kopek bill. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2020, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/22 "2020-04-20T02:15:11Z")
Assuming that what I get in five star hotels is what rich people would expect, then there’s no difference. I have a bidet wand; I’m not a rich person. My TP is Kirkland, and I only use it if I can’t use the bathroom with the bidet for the number two business. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2020, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/23 "2020-04-20T03:02:17Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > I have a bidet wand Is that what they have at Hogwarts? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2020, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/24 "2020-04-20T04:20:36Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Is that what they have at Hogwarts? _[Tergeo](https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Tergeo)_ backside! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2020, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/25 "2020-04-20T05:38:31Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I thought rich people wiped themselves with twenties. > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Huh. And here I always thought rich people’s toilet paper was $100 bills. Considering what it feels like to the hand, I don’t think US currency would make good bumwad. And it is, after all, hard currency. It might be softer after thorough laundering.😃 ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2020, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/26 "2020-04-20T07:13:32Z")
Back in the day, poor rural folks used pages from the Sears-Roebuck catalog. I suppose richer folks used pages from the Nieman-Marcus catalog. But N-M just filed bankruptcy. I’ll guess _los ricos_ (except PETA members) must rely on geese now. My sister dumped her second husband because he used a whole roll at each sitting (and they weren’t rich). Trimp complained awhile back of needing to flush his toilet 15-20 times. Remember back in the day whenever there was an addictive drug shortage and Keith Richards was blamed for using them all? Trimp is why we have a TP shortage. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2020, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/27 "2020-04-20T16:06:25Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > > [@Balthisar](#): > > > > I have a bidet wand > > Is that what they have at Hogwarts? Hijack: in news you didn’t need to hear, read [this tweet](https://twitter.com/wizardingworld/status/1081242428105998336?s=20). Apparently before there were toilets at Hogwarts, the wizards just defecated or urinated wherever they were standing and just cast a spell to remove the evidence. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2020, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/28 "2020-04-21T22:06:55Z")
I agree with “bidets” as the answer. We are only moderately rich, and have a relatively budget one, but if I had money to burn I’d buy the full-on fancy-schmantz $10k Japanese automatic toilet. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2020, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/29 "2020-04-22T21:07:28Z")
Poor people. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2020, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/30 "2020-04-22T21:53:05Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > If by some crazed, misguided chance Chump ever gets his mug on a bill, I’ll be using that to wipe my ass. > [@Telperion](#): > > I don’t think they make a 1-kopek bill. I propose a special $3 bill. With orange ink, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2020, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/31 "2020-04-23T08:29:49Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I only have 300 thread count satin. We won’t judge you for your poverty here. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2020, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/32 "2020-04-23T21:26:03Z")
> [@RioRico](#): > > Back in the day, poor rural folks used pages from the Sears-Roebuck catalog. I suppose richer folks used pages from the Nieman-Marcus catalog. But N-M just filed bankruptcy. I’ll guess _los ricos_ (except PETA members) must rely on geese now… In the Soviet Union _Pravda_ (the Communist Party’s official newspaper) was a popular choice. ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2020, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/33 "2020-04-24T20:00:01Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Hijack: in news you didn’t need to hear, read [this tweet](https://twitter.com/wizardingworld/status/1081242428105998336?s=20). Apparently before there were toilets at Hogwarts, the wizards just defecated or urinated wherever they were standing and just cast a spell to remove the evidence. I think I recall an old SciFi tale of advanced humans teleporting their bodily and industrial wastes to another dimension. Then inhabitants of that dimension returned it all. Oops. I think I saw a recent note about some places selling individual rolls of ordinary buttwipe for 40 bucks or Euros or pounds or whatever. So it’s ALL “rich people toilet paper.” At that rate, some may find it more cost-effective to hire illegals to lick their butts clean. I think I recall medieval engravings of that practice. It’s GOOD to be rich! Sucks to be poor, tho. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2020, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/34 "2020-04-24T23:36:31Z")
someone was trying to invent a toilet that would do medical tests on what you put in it. Don’t know if he ever got it to work, probably not. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2020, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/35 "2020-04-25T00:07:40Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I thought rich people wiped themselves with twenties. And then they put them back in circulation. And they all chuckle mirthfully. “ho-ho! I say, those yuppies are carrying around my shit!” ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2020, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/36 "2020-04-25T00:16:04Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > someone was trying to invent a toilet that would do medical tests on what you put in it. Don’t know if he ever got it to work, probably not. [Here](https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2020/04/smart-toilet-monitors-for-signs-of-disease.html) is a press release about one such project from the geniuses at Stanford University. The press release talks about the need to identify which member of the household is using the toilet. The designers thought about using a fingerprint reader on the flush button but what if one person uses the toilet but someone else flushes? So instead, “they added a small scanner that images a rather camera-shy part of the body. You might call it the polar opposite of facial recognition. In other words, to fully reap the benefits of the smart toilet, users must make their peace with a camera that scans their anus.” ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2020, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/37 "2020-04-25T17:02:51Z")
I was in an upscale office building once and used the restroom. The toilet paper was in a vertical dispenser and the paper came out like Kleenex does out of the box one sheet at a time. The tissue were quite large, like a medium sized sheet of paper towel. The tissues were triple ply and soft as silk. And they had a light coating of lotion on them. Never thought I’d be amazed by toilet paper but that stuff was awesome. I had never seen anything like that before nor since. And I’ve looked for it. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2020, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/38 "2020-04-25T19:16:41Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Bidets? When I was 12 I was in my uncle’s wedding and that was the first time anyone in my family had seen a bidet. The wedding was held at what seemed like a “mansion” to me, with a large plantation or something rented out. But, no, it was the home of the father and step-father of the bride. He was some sort of retired executive (started out as an engineer) and she has been the Pres or CEO of several companies or divisions of companies everyone here has heard of. Just Googled and she still is. So, that was definitely a rich people thing to me though I really see no reason it hasn’t been adopted by the middle class, especially in the ensuing years with all the kitchen and bathroom upgrades that seem fairly common for even starter homes. As far as unbreakable 3-ply toilet paper, I used to buy it all the time… at Walmart. I don’t see it anymore but I thought their cheap White Cloud was the best i’ve ever had. ---
**Author:** ![Periwinkle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Periwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Periwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2020, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094/39 "2020-04-25T21:17:24Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > There’s bamboo toilet paper. It’s pricey. Not sure if it’s any better. (:)) I started a subscription to get bamboo tp a few weeks ago. It is $28 plus tax for 24 rolls from CloudPaper. I think it’s fine, seems pretty much like Charmin to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-rich-people-toilet-paper/852094.md?page=1)