In my experience the Americans that are entirely unsympathetic to gun rights, largely are not interested in hearing a serious explanation from the other side, so I have typically learned to simply avoid such discussions most of the time.
Nevertheless, I’ll wade in against my better judgement.
I feel the need first to address the “extremist position”, because in my experience there is a strong desire to make any advocacy for gun rights synonymous with this position.
The extremist position on gun rights, as exemplified by the modern-day (post 1980) NRA and some adherents of its ideologies, holds that there can be no restrictions on firearm use, either licensure, safety requirement, physical gun characteristic requirements et cetera. While they mostly seem willing to be content with the current background check laws, they also oppose any change or expansion of them whatsoever. They typically also support what are called “pre-emption” laws, where State governments in “home rule” states, where cities can typically legislate their own laws fairly robustly, are to be subject to pre-emption on gun laws–i.e. the State can tell the cities “you cannot ban guns.” They also support concepts like forcing businesses to allow people to carry armed on their premises, and some extremists even support prohibiting government facilities from prohibiting guns on site.
I do not support these positions, for a little background I supported the NRA long ago–I dropped that in the 1980s when they went hard political. I opposed the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban and generally voted Republican in most elections up through 2012. I think the loudest voices on guns on the right now dominate the discussion there, and they represent an extremist view that is incompatible with both common sense and our history as a country (a huge number of frontier towns for example had gun regulations, going back 200 years–the idea of the right to own and use a gun being predicated on complete inviolability and immunity to all regulation and restriction is just asinine to me.)
Let’s also address the reality on the ground right now–the gun debate has now become part of the larger left/right “culture war”, this means a significant part of the right simply is no longer willing to discuss, or concede, anything on guns. It’s not because they don’t (in many polls) support certain common sense gun safety laws, it’s because they simply value “owning the libs” as part of their “tribe” far more than they do anything else. For this reason, for the reality that Democrats support greater legislation, much of these people will oppose them, regardless of the merits or messaging.
With that understanding, that virtually nothing can be done outside of the margins, I will at least try to explain the “reasonable gun owner” position.
Gun owners by and large enjoy owning and firing guns, recreationally, in sport, and et cetera. Some gun owners rarely shoot but feel safe having a gun for protection in their home. Some feel safe carrying a gun. I don’t regularly carry but I do participate in shooting sports, hunting, and keep a gun ready in the very, very low percent chance I need to use it for self-defense in my home. I live alone and have no children, so the risk to a loved one from my having the self defense gun out of the safe, is minimal. Its presence certainly means if I was suicidal I would have a higher chance of succeeding at a suicide attempt, but I am not suicidal and I can’t and won’t live my life afraid of what I might do if I someday become suicidal. If I had a history of mental illness, severe depression, suicidal ideation etc then I may evaluate that risk differently.
Many gun owners have a cultural and familial affiliation with guns on top of everything else I just said. It is very common that a gun owner was taught the basics of using a gun by their father, and if their father has passed on it is very common, they own a few guns they inherited from their father. In large swathes of the country, this familial gun culture dates back hundreds of years and is an important part of the social and cultural fabric of the community.
Where I would say a lot of acrimony came from historically (I’m use that term because I am not talking about the present–where most acrimony is intractable political tribalism), is a lot of lawful gun owners who have never committed any crime, were faced with campaigns that talked of “banning” certain types of guns, and saying things like “no one needs x.” That gets people’s hackles up, and it shows a good bit of innate disrespect to the traditions and actual behavior of the huge majority of lawful gun owners.
Now, is it intrinsically wrong to do something that shows disrespect? Not necessarily–but from a “plain old politics” approach, you win very few enemies and change very few minds if you do things that immediately get you seen as an “outsider” antagonistic to their ways.
Most firearm, feature-specific “ban” attempts are incredibly ill-thought out, tend to focus on guns involved in a vanishingly small number of total gun crimes, and that mostly serve to cement the idea that the liberals seeking to impose these bans know nothing about guns or gun crime, and just dislike gunowners and want to take their guns away.
While nothing likely could have been protected from our current era’s political toxicity, going back 30 years, if the “gun restrictionists” had spent a lot more energy focusing on “gun safety” policies, like safety classes and shall-issue licensure, and not going full bore into bans first (which helped feed the larger narrative that all regulations are just attempts to backdoor ban guns) I think things may have progressed in a much better way.
I think if we ever return to an era where we can discuss and decide on political matters in our political system, a focus on ideas like beefed up background checks, safety classes, shall-issue licensure, more regulations aimed at 25 and under gun owners (who commit the disproportionate majority of gun crimes, and we know biologically up until age 25 many people are still developing the parts of their brains that let them make consequences-mindful decisions), would be prudent directions to go in. Foaming at the mouth about banning magazines of a certain size or guns with certain cosmetic features, will likely not do much to actually reduce mass shootings or other types of gun crime, and will keep the topic nice and toxic and part of a broader intractable culture war.