# Is "Third Base" Heavy Petting or Dry Humping? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2000, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823 "2000-08-10T13:08:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/21 "2000-08-10T23:33:35Z")
Ohhh, just thought of a good one for “ground rule double”, but it’s just too offensive…damn base on balls: does it need explanation 🙂 hit for the cycle: with different individuals for each base ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/22 "2000-08-11T00:05:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by funneefarmer \* > I will never forget the fact the Staten Island Yankees were the Oneonta Yankees for decades before youse guys from down state swiped them from us. Hmmph. Funny. I thought they used to be the Watertown Indians… Thanks for the replies so far. Now I am more confused than ever. ---
**Author:** ![Darkfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@Darkfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkfox)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/23 "2000-08-11T00:23:09Z")
You’re right - the four bases don’t cover it. That’s why the “Expanded” system was developed in the late 1980s. It goes as follows: (the first four correspond to the standard bases) 1: Kiss 2: Breast Fondling 3: Digital stimulation of the girl’s naughty bits 4: Intercourse (usually missionary) (the rest have their own symbology) 5: Digital stimulation of the boy’s naughty bits (five fingers) 6: Oral performed on the Male (first half of 69) 7: Intercourse man behind woman (bending over looks like a 7) 8: (umm… how to put this delicately…ok, I guess you can’t) Dutch fucking. You know - breast fucking?? 9: Oral on the female (other half of 69) 10: All of the above in one session. Hope that helps. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/24 "2000-08-11T00:46:37Z")
[Phil Rizutto mode] Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here, two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth, there’s the wind-up, and there it is, a line shot up the middle, look at him go. This boy can really fly! He’s rounding first and really turning it on now, he’s not letting up at all, he’s gonna try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center, and here comes the throw, and what a throw! He’s gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he’s out! No, wait, safe - safe at second base, this kid really makes things happen out there. Batter steps up to the plate here’s the pitch - he’s going, and what a jump he’s got, he’s trying for third, here’s the throw, it’s in the dirt - safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base! He’s taking a pretty big lead out there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher glances over, winds up, and it bunted, bunted down the third base line, the suicide squeeze is on! Here he comes, squeeze play, it’s gonna be close, here’s the throw, here’s the play at the plate, holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it! [/Rizutto] ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/25 "2000-08-11T01:25:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zwaldd \* > \*\*home run: nasal > \*\* Now that’s what I call a nose job! ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/26 "2000-08-11T01:40:47Z")
My version is less fun. First Base: “You are such a good (girl) friend.” Second Base: “You’re so much nicer than other guys. (Who I am willing, even egar to date/make love with/marry)” Third Base: “You’re so sweet and funny. You’re going to make (another) woman so happy.” Home Run: “Allow me to explain in excruciating detail about my relationship, including intimate details of my sexual behavior, while you make vaugly simpathetic noises and tell me I was right about everything.” Let’s not forget Foul: “Get your hand off my ass, this is a friendly hug.” Stealing Second: “Well, he must have accidentally brushed his hand on my calf, he couldn’t possibly have a sex drive.” Error: “Oh . . . my . . . god! She was coming on to me all that time and I missed it! AUUUGGHH!!” -beat head against wall- (Best if done several months/years after the fact) And the immnortal: Selling the Team to Rhode Island: “What? (horrified) No, I’m sorry but I’m frigid. Sometimes I think I might be a lesbian, but I don’t really like women either. Sorry. See you later.” (avoid me from then on) Honest to god, niether made up or exagerated. I was just asking her to grab dinner after we went over a project. Not even a date. Disturbing, but kind of funny. In retrospect. Never liked baseball anyway. You can always avoid the sticky third base question by using the smaller and more efficent japanese system. A) kissing B) petting C) making the backasaurus. (the beast with two backs) D) the result of two much C, without proper protection (Pregnacy) I) One way of dealing with D (Abortion) ## Mmmm. Sticky Third Base . . . “Audiences will not soon forget the time that the thing we don’t know what it was was carried to the helicopter by the guy we didn’t know.” ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/27 "2000-08-11T02:16:54Z")
I have heard it first as the 4 f’s frenching, feeling, fingering, ?ucking (take a guess) maybe the bases were modified to fit the f’s though ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/28 "2000-08-11T02:46:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by handy \* > \*\* > That was a lot of fun. > > first base: kissing > second: above waist fondling > third: below waist fondling > homer: fucking > > \*\* Damn! handy nailed it. ---
**Author:** ![RM\_Mentock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@RM\_Mentock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RM_Mentock)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/29 "2000-08-11T03:44:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cartoongod \* > \*\*Obviously you people don’t know the technical system > > Slopy Second: Shirts off with licking\*\* No, I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![Cartoongod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c2a13f/32.png) [@Cartoongod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartoongod)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/30 "2000-08-11T03:53:32Z")
## quote: Originally posted by Cartoongod Obviously you people don’t know the technical system ## Slopy Second: Shirts off with licking No, I don’t think so. um i’m new at this thing so i don’t know how the quote thing works so the i don’t think so is from RM Mentock if anybody was wondering and why RM Mentock don’t you think so please enlighten me ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/31 "2000-08-11T04:51:33Z")
**"DRY"** humping, huh? I should be so lucky! ☹ All right, then, baseball experts: What’s accounting for the huge increase in _ahem_, home runs, anyway? Are the “batters” better than in the good old days? Is the ball “juiced”? Are ballparks more “home run friendly”? Are the bats “corked”? Non enforcement of the real “strike zone”? And finally, will anyone “go deep” more than 70 times in 162 games? ---
**Author:** ![Surgoshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Surgoshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surgoshan)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/32 "2000-08-11T05:14:25Z")
Sloppy seconds goes as such. One guy fucks a girl. If another guy were to fuck her just after, he would be getting ‘sloppy seconds’. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/33 "2000-08-11T05:25:07Z")
DRY, you’re forgetting something there… The Scottish play, act 1, scene 1, line 10: “Fair is foul and foul is fair” (ducking, running, and sliding) ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/34 "2000-08-11T08:46:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > \*\*DRY, you’re forgetting something there… The Scottish play, act 1, scene 1, line 10: > “Fair is foul and foul is fair” > \*\* “O hateful error!” –Julius Caesar, Act 5, Scene iii ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/35 "2000-08-12T03:51:04Z")
Here are some more: out on appeal: got accused and arrested interference: friends help set it up obstruction: something fell between (among) the would-be lovers corked bat: hmm… triple play: rejected, told she was faking it, and getting arrested for it. spitball: err, ahh… fielder’s choice: parents know but choose to pretend not to. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/36 "2000-08-12T04:22:31Z")
silo’s nailed it (no pun intended) in one. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/37 "2000-08-12T04:26:41Z")
hey cartoon god, i cant figger it out either. hey sam stone, it depends on what yer pullin out of yer ass. for instance, if its someone else’s wedding ring, i’d call that fifth base. (if i didnt hate emoticons so much, i’d insert one of those smirky winkin ones here.) ---
**Author:** ![barflyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@barflyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/barflyer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/38 "2000-08-12T04:57:51Z")
Third base is mutual gonad action, without penetration. Blow jobs don’t count - they belong closer to home plate. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/39 "2000-08-12T13:19:36Z")
I’ve never reached first base. I haven’t even been picked for the team. I sure do a lot of batting practise, though. ---
**Author:** ![Viscera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/258eb7/32.png) [@Viscera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viscera)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/40 "2000-08-12T22:35:15Z")
**Myrr21:** > [@](#): > > **Ohhh, just thought of a good one for “ground rule double”, but it’s just too offensive…damn** Oh come on. 😃 Vis [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823.md?page=3)