# Is "Third Base" Heavy Petting or Dry Humping? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2000, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823 "2000-08-10T13:08:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![UrbanShocker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/eb9ed0/32.png) [@UrbanShocker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanShocker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/41 "2000-08-13T00:30:05Z")
A corked bat is if you use Viagra, or a penis pump, or something. Astroturf could be… I don’t know, a merkin? A called game is when his/her parents come home at an inopportune moment. Making a move, realizing she’s not interested and trying to cover your tracks is a check swing. A case of blue balls means you’ve left runners on. And hey, thanks to Gaylord Perry, K-Y Jelly already has a place in baseball. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/42 "2000-08-14T10:25:27Z")
I was surprised I didn’t see this baseball/sex metaphor: spring training: That’s when you, er, play with your own team ---
**Author:** ![shulmahn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@shulmahn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shulmahn)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/43 "2000-08-15T18:16:37Z")
Now aren’t there two different systems going here? One for the guys and one for the gals? GIRLS (receiving) 1st frenching 2nd playing with the breasts 3rd eating her out hr screwin GUYS (receiving) 1st frenching 2nd handjob 3rd blowjob hr screwin We were oddly enough discussing this last night at dinner and we agreed on this… just my two cents ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/44 "2000-08-15T18:45:07Z")
Pop out: Well, _you_ know… ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/45 "2000-08-15T19:13:57Z")
So what are the five ways to reach first base without getting a hit? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/46 "2000-08-15T21:20:47Z")
A walk: that’s a gimme kiss, IMO. Error: stated previously. Fan interference: you fall on her or something. catcher interference: a friend dares you to (I’m lame). foul ball tipped fair: you go for it and for whatever reason she lets you. ball lodges in catcher or umpire’s equipment: NO COMMENT! In other news: bunt single: you kiss her before she can pull back. bunt double (Rafael Furcal did this recently in a game): you get her before she can pull back and she’s too lazy to prevent you from doing anything else. passed ball: you advance because she either is drunk or doesn’t care. wild pitch: you can’t stop yourself . . . no-hitter: you get a sympathy kiss, nothing else. perfect game: you don’t even get a smile. opening day: first date. bat/ball boy: fluffer. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/47 "2000-08-15T21:23:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by k2dave \* > \*\*I have heard it first as the 4 f’s > frenching, feeling, fingering, fucking maybe the bases were modified to fit the f’s though \*\* Basics of the bases is described this way. feeling in my definition is anywhere on the body, but if manual stimulation below the waist happens, it turns into third base. Oral sex goes into third base as well for my list. ---
**Author:** ![Frankie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/258eb7/32.png) [@Frankie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frankie)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/48 "2000-08-15T21:58:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > \*\*[Phil Rizutto mode] Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here, two down, nobody on, no score, bottom of the ninth, there’s the wind-up, and there it is, a line shot up the middle, look at him go. This boy can really fly! He’s rounding first and really turning it on now, he’s not letting up at all, he’s gonna try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center, and here comes the throw, and what a throw! He’s gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he’s out! No, wait, safe - safe at second base, this kid really makes things happen out there. Batter steps up to the plate here’s the pitch - he’s going, and what a jump he’s got, he’s trying for third, here’s the throw, it’s in the dirt - safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base! He’s taking a pretty big lead out there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher glances over, winds up, and it bunted, bunted down the third base line, the suicide squeeze is on! Here he comes, squeeze play, it’s gonna be close, here’s the throw, here’s the play at the plate, holy cow, I think he’s gonna make it! [/Rizutto] > > \*\* Stop right there…I gotta know right now…before we go any further… ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/49 "2000-08-15T22:05:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > \*\* > Funny. I thought they used to be the Watertown Indians… > \*\* …Hijack That is where they originally bought the team from. I can’t remember if they were still affiliated with them for a year or two before they switched to the Yankee franchise. The Yankee franchise had been in Oneonta since I was a wee tyke. I remember going to some games with parents and grandparents when I was in grade school. I’m surprised the Queens team hasn’t switched to a Mets affiliation yet. I sort of had the impression when they set up two teams for the NYC area that one would be Mets and the other Yanks but it has been awhile since I’ve heard much about it. …End Hijack Game interrupted by brawl, batter fined and suspended - She said she was 18, parents caught you, she changed story and you were fined and confined. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/50 "2000-08-16T01:50:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Myrr21 \* > \*\*Ohhh, just thought of a good one for “ground rule double”, but it’s just too offensive…damn > \*\* Yeah, come on, sweetie, do tell! Hey, I guess that gives new meaning to “a runner in scoring position”, huh? :eek: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![nOmega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nOmega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nOmega)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/51 "2000-08-16T06:28:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kunilou \* > \*\*So what are the five ways to reach first base without getting a hit? \*\* Is one of them getting four balls? I remember when no-one would talk about this stuff, oh for the heady days of yore. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/52 "2000-08-16T06:42:52Z")
for the batter charging the…uh…“mound”? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/53 "2000-08-16T11:02:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DRY \* > \*\*for the batter charging the…uh…“mound”? :eek: \*\* My guess would be that the pitcher hit the batter in the head . . . and the batter might hit the pitcher . . . or bite him - er, her. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/54 "2000-08-16T14:18:59Z")
OK, I left this here in the hopes there was a universal standard, or a history or something to this system. Since there appears not to be, I’m going to send the thread to MPSIMS. Also because there appears not to be a standard, I can now claim that in junior high school, I got to third base and even home plate. A lot! ---
**Author:** ![Outrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9d8465/32.png) [@Outrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Outrider)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/55 "2000-08-16T14:52:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > \*\*Also because there appears not to be a standard, I can now claim that in junior high school, I got to third base and even home plate. A lot! \*\* How about a new forum? It would be called MTYEWTKAYM - More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About Your Moderators. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/56 "2000-08-16T15:34:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by k2dave \* > \*\*I have heard it first as the 4 f’s > frenching, feeling, fingering, ?ucking (take a guess) > maybe the bases were modified to fit the f’s though \*\* Of course, there’s another four-part approach to sex, as outlined in this exchange overheard at a bar: (Man) Baby, my philosophy of sex is: Get it up, get it in, get it off, and get it out. What do you think? (Woman) I think I’d call that the Four-Get-It system. (leaves) What can you say to that but, “You GO, girl!” ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/57 "2000-08-16T15:43:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > \*\*DRY, you’re forgetting something there… The Scottish play, act 1, scene 1, line 10: > “Fair is foul and foul is fair” > > (ducking, running, and sliding) \*\* And YOU forgot the next line, which would have made it even funnier. The whole quote is: “Fair is foul and foul is fair/hover through the fog and filthy air.” Sounds like Shea Stadium to me. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/58 "2000-08-16T16:29:51Z")
Well I don’t think I’ll ever watch another ballgame with the same ideas again. And as usual, Manny, I’m impressed. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/59 "2000-08-16T16:37:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > OK, I left this here in the hopes there was a universal standard, or a history or something to this system. > > Since there appears not to be, I’m going to send the thread to MPSIMS. Manny the Mover: Yeah, I was hoping that there was a universal standard, too, which was shy I put it in GQ in the first place. Thanks for leaving it there as long as you did. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823/60 "2000-11-04T04:13:09Z")
Fielder’s choice: when you’re on a date with a bisexual. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-third-base-heavy-petting-or-dry-humping/28823.md?page=4)