# Is this a "date"? What do I do? OH GOD SO CONFUSED **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 25, 2007, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297 "2007-06-25T06:52:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/41 "2007-06-26T20:20:03Z")
[QUOTE=Red Barchetta] Meh, I’m not too hell bent on this either way. Should I call her back and set a different date, or just cut my losses? OneCentStamp may yet still be right about my Rush inspired username never getting me a date 😉 [/QUOTE] I’m tellin’ you, man: be cool or be cast out. 🆒 I don’t know…from your transcript of the message, it doesn’t sound like a dodge. I bet she really is interested in meeting you in person. ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Pumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@Ms.Pumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Pumpkin)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/42 "2007-06-26T20:31:51Z")
Call her back and set another date! If I were in the position of choosing whether to see a good friend I don’t see often, or go out with someone I barely know and may end up not hitting it off with, I’d choose the friend, too. It’s just a safer gamble for that particular evening, and it wouldn’t be anything personal against my potential date. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/43 "2007-06-26T20:34:52Z")
[QUOTE=Red Barchetta] So I don’t know at this point; I’m thinking if she really were interested, she’d blow off the hanging out at friend’s house thing…but she did suggest other possible dates. [/QUOTE] If you’d like a girl to be so smitten with you that shes blowing off her friends, then you usually have to let her meet you in person first. She suggested Sunday, if she weren’t interested she would have said something like “I’ll give you a call next week”. Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/44 "2007-06-26T20:48:08Z")
[QUOTE=burundi] I don’t think much of **Autolycus** ’s advice. There’s a fine line between “confident” and “asshole.” If someone told me I played pool “pretty good for a girl,” he would not be seeing me twice. ( **Autolycus** , I may be remembering incorrectly, but didn’t you say you haven’t had much luck with American women?) [/QUOTE] There is a fine line, which is why I meant that comment as a general thing and not a ‘say this’ type of advice. As for me, my luck with women is gettingg better, but mostly because I’m putting more attention into my appearance. Anyway, I dont expect women to value my advice. From my experience, all will say they want a nice guy, but… that’s a discussion for another thread. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/45 "2007-06-26T20:52:15Z")
As for the new developments, wait two days, call her and set a date for Sunday. If she makes an excuse again, I say forget her. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/46 "2007-06-26T20:53:34Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] There is a fine line, which is why I meant that comment as a general thing and not a ‘say this’ type of advice. As for me, my luck with women is gettingg better, but mostly because I’m putting more attention into my appearance. Anyway, I dont expect women to value my advice. From my experience, all will say they want a nice guy, but… that’s a discussion for another thread. [/QUOTE] A discussion which has been beaten to death, buried, exhumed, and brought back to life, indeed. What people aren’t getting is that a lot of these guys who claim that women don’t actually like nice guys…aren’t nice. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/47 "2007-06-26T21:00:44Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] Anyway, I dont expect women to value my advice. From my experience, all will say they want a nice guy, but… that’s a discussion for another thread. [/QUOTE] As **burundi’s** husband, I can tell you that I sure didn’t win her through treating her like crap or through playing any convoluted mind games. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/48 "2007-06-26T21:02:18Z")
Don’t wait two days. Its a little cliched. Call her up, throw out some potential times and take it from there. If she still gives excuses, then cut your losses and move on. On the date, make eye contact and don’t dominate the conversation. Ask her some open ended questions to get to know her. Skip the flower. Don’t take personal calls while on the date. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/49 "2007-06-26T21:08:24Z")
Nicest place I’ve every played pool in Berkeley is Thallasa. That was back when I played a lot, too. It’s really relaxed and low-key with nice (not overly-pubby) decor. But it does have----I can’t remember—8 or 10 tables? So it’s also a bit of a pool hall, albeit an upscale, hip one. But a regular bar with a table might be better—depending on what you guys want. Thallasa 2367 Shattuck Ave, Berkeley - (510) 848-1766 ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/50 "2007-06-26T21:13:18Z")
Don’t wait two days. And I think Sunday night is a better night for this, places will be quieter and less crowded. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/51 "2007-06-26T21:57:24Z")
She wants to meet. Like everybody else said; she suggested an alternate date which is a sign of interest. “Sorry, maybe another time” is a blow-off. “How about Sunday instead?” is an invitation. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/52 "2007-06-27T00:01:42Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] Faux, not feaux. And speaking as a chick, I would find the stuff **Autolycus** suggested patronizing. It would not gain you any points with me, though I’m kind of a strange girl, so other girls may love it. No slur on you personally is intended, though, **Autolycus.** [/QUOTE] The rest is kind of silly, but the point about backhanded compliments works well on a lot of women - myself included. I think it depends on how prone to sarcasm _she_ is, though. Some women are really sensitive and take slights to heart, but a lot of us enjoy trading barbs with guys we like. If you find out she prefers Beatrice & Benedict to Romeo & Juliet, she’d probably be amused, rather than hurt, if you poke fun. However, unless the OP is already teasing the girl while interacting online, trying it on the first date is pretty dicey, unless she starts teasing him first. One of my guy friends said I was being sarcastic (commenting on something I said to another person) and I asked him how he could tell. “You’re talking.” Touché . ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/53 "2007-06-27T01:32:24Z")
**Red Barchetta** , you’ve already taken my advice and called her. I know the last time I gave a guy my phone number, if he hadn’t called, I would have felt like a complete idiot and would have assumed he wasn’t interested. You have a date, sir! Congratulations! I don’t think she’s putting you off. While I’m a bit older than you, I can see where she’s coming from. My best friend lives a few hours drive away and, even if I did find a guy attractive, given seeing someone I know well and like who lives 200 miles away versus seeing someone I barely know who lives 20 miles away, I’ll take the old friend. Talk to her or e-mail her and see how Sunday will work. She may well have been thinking, “I really do want to see him and I don’t want to think I’m blowing him off. I don’t want to wait until next weekend, either. Maybe he can do Sunday?” If she’d suggested next weekend, that wouldn’t have been a bad sign, but to me, the fact that she suggested Sunday indicates she doesn’t want to wait that long or make you think she’s not interested. Oh yes. The teddy bear, as others have said, is a bad thing. Keep it light and casual and find out what she’s into. If you want to bring her something, may I suggest chocolate? A small square of Ghiradelli chocolate costs next to nothing, yet is a nice sweet gesture. Then again, I’m a chocoholic who doesn’t care for teddy bears, so take that for what it’s worth. 😉 Oh yes, ignore the guy who razzed you about being a Rush fan. I’ve got a brother who’s a fan of them, and he seemed to do all right with women. Have _fun!_ I wish you every bit of good luck, and I hope you both have a great time! ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/54 "2007-06-27T01:48:52Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] The rest is kind of silly, but the point about backhanded compliments works well on a lot of women - myself included. I think it depends on how prone to sarcasm _she_ is, though. Some women are really sensitive and take slights to heart, but a lot of us enjoy trading barbs with guys we like. If you find out she prefers Beatrice & Benedict to Romeo & Juliet, she’d probably be amused, rather than hurt, if you poke fun. However, unless the OP is already teasing the girl while interacting online, trying it on the first date is pretty dicey, unless she starts teasing him first. One of my guy friends said I was being sarcastic (commenting on something I said to another person) and I asked him how he could tell. “You’re talking.” Touché . [/QUOTE] I guess you’re right. I don’t want **Autolycus** to think that I’m picking on him because I’m not. I’m just not a sarcastic girl, which could be why I don’t go for that kind of stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/55 "2007-06-27T05:28:00Z")
In my experience, the woman who doesn’t really know you, but who is wanting to do things with you, has pangs of attraction. Your actions on that “date” will help determine where she goes from there. Of course, the “I just want to be friends” speech is the kiss of death, but at the moment, I’d say you’re in for a date if you can be charming enough to turn it into one. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/56 "2007-06-27T05:42:52Z")
[QUOTE=Red Barchetta] Hmm, well I called and left a message last night. She got back to me today (she also left a message) stating that she actually can’t make it this Friday, because she’s “working” until my proposed time and that she wants to go to a “friend’s house she hasn’t seen since she got back from vacation” afterward. She then said Sunday might work, or almost any other day of the week, and concluded with “Thanks for calling me.” So I don’t know at this point; I’m thinking if she really were interested, she’d blow off the hanging out at friend’s house thing…but she did suggest other possible dates. ) [/QUOTE] No, a “can’t make it but I am free xxxx” is a\* Good\* sign. “I can’t make it” folowed by no alternative=\*\* BAD.\*\* Trust me. Oh, and Doper dudettes- learn this- if you have to blow off a dude- the ball is now in your court to suggest another day. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/57 "2007-06-27T12:25:31Z")
[QUOTE=Siege] … the fact that she suggested Sunday indicates she doesn’t want to wait that long. [/quote] True dat. > [@](#): > > Have _fun!_ Triple true dat. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Miscue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@Miscue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miscue)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/58 "2007-06-27T13:22:51Z")
This is \*\*extremely \*\*important, and needs saying: Don’t twirl your pool cue around like a baton. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2007, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/59 "2007-06-27T13:46:46Z")
Agreed, unless by “pool cue” you mean… ---
**Author:** ![Lynne\_kilii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d26b3c/32.png) [@Lynne\_kilii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynne_kilii)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297/60 "2007-06-28T11:34:49Z")
[QUOTE=Miscue] This is \*\*extremely \*\*important, and needs saying: Don’t twirl your pool cue around like a baton. [/QUOTE] Eep! Guys and girls alike? Am I doing something I really shouldn’t? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-date-what-do-i-do-oh-god-so-confused/409297.md?page=4)