# Is this a guy blowing me off? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 10, 2011, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491 "2011-07-10T07:38:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/41 "2011-07-10T18:56:42Z")
This very short text dialogue was way too vague and full of innuendo and hints to amount to a successful exercise in communication. There were no specific invitations issued or accepted. Just because you’re texting (which I do, BTW, even though I’m older than old dirt) doesn’t mean you can’t say, “Napping til 8, but come over then. Text me when you’re on the way.” This is the way my fellow senior citizens and I communicate by text regarding our appointments. “Let’s have coffee tomorrow at Starbucks- how about 9:30?” “Great! See you there.” Works every time. As a point of stubborn pride we do NOT use SMS shorthand. I write out all the words. If I run over my allotted 140 characters, I edit the holy shit out of my message. I will not write stuff like: “C U there.” Can’t do it. If I did that, my thumbs would fall off. Let me rephrase: “If I do that, MAY my thumbs \*please \*fall off. AMEN.” ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/42 "2011-07-10T18:56:44Z")
He’s blowing you off but the simple act of communicating with you doesn’t negate that he’s doing that. Also, you are really overthinking all of his behavior at this point and not taking anybody’s advice that doesn’t fit within the scope of what you already think makes “sense”. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/43 "2011-07-10T19:06:55Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > You and me both. I remember when boys and girls used to speak in full sentences (and still had miscommunications). When I was deployed to Japan back in about 1983, our office and equipment staging area was in a warehouse. After a few months it became evident that a couple of the guys had hooked up with some military or dependent women and were having sex in the warehouse. We would come in on Monday morning and there would be a cot set up near the urinals (bathrooms were the warmest places in the joint), and somebody was using the plumbers’ toolchest as a boinking point. Class act all the way. I always wondered if the smell of urinal cakes gave the guy a woodie later in life. Sorry, back to the lonely hearts thread in progress. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/44 "2011-07-10T19:18:49Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You’re actually asking why he’s “blowing you off” after that utterly innocuous series of texts that in no way, shape, or form points to you being able to jump to that conclusion. > > You will make some man a fine crazy girlfriend one day. Where can I get one of those? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ryan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a8b319/32.png) [@ryan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryan)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/45 "2011-07-10T19:25:38Z")
Sure it makes sense. There is far less emotional involvement in texting someone rather than calling and speaking to someone. I have to agree with what others have written. Going to meet him at his place at 1AM is , pardon the pun, _textbook booty-call_. Whatever he _might_ have felt, you acquiesced to the position of both booty-call **and** , pardon me for being blunt, cock-tease. For what it’s worth, many men will view someone who just left an engagement/long-term-relationship a mere two weeks ago as specifically not looking for any sort of commitment, but rather causal hook-ups. Which, sorry to say, you seemed to fit the bill by your actions, if not words. Listen to **even sven** , do some growing and (re) learn how to be single, do some reflection on what you’re actually looking for and then start looking. Good Luck ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/46 "2011-07-10T19:48:49Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Where can I get one of those? 😛 You’d be better off with a pickle slicer. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/47 "2011-07-10T19:57:58Z")
It was my experience that very few dudes are willing to unequivocally reject you if the reason is just that they aren’t that into you. I think most guys think of it in terms of not wanting to be mean about it, but there is also the undercurrent of keeping the lines of communication open for possible future booty calls. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/48 "2011-07-10T20:04:46Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > You went. This taught him that you are willing to take his scraps, and that he does not need to treat you well. > Men will try to find the lowest standard that you will accept. Once you accept it, it’s hard to reverse. AND by accepting low standards you make the chase boring ad he loses interest and respect. What would treating her well have required? What are the different standards men will try to go for? If a woman accepts booty-call status, men will lose interest in her? They’ll no longer want anything to do with her after she accepts that? ---
**Author:** ![hmhmlm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/db5fbb/32.png) [@hmhmlm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hmhmlm)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/49 "2011-07-10T20:06:32Z")
I understand not being mean. But when I called ad didn’t leave vm, all he had to do was send 1 text asking y I called. When I didnt respond to that in 5 hours, he was under NO obligation to contact me further, asking what my evening plans were and volunteering info about his own (ie hanging at home). It’s 1 thing if I asked what he was doing this weekend n he politely answered. But I didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/50 "2011-07-10T20:07:58Z")
> [@lisacurl](#): > > It was my experience that very few dudes are willing to unequivocally reject you if the reason is just that they aren’t that into you. I think most guys think of it in terms of not wanting to be mean about it, but there is also the undercurrent of keeping the lines of communication open for possible future booty calls. And texting to keep the fish on the line is soooo easy - just a couple of keystrokes, and she still thinks she’s something more than a last resort. **hmhmlm** , I don’t mean to be rude to you or make you feel bad. **even sven** is absolutely right about getting the lowest level of treatment you’ll accept from guys (unfortunately). ---
**Author:** ![hmhmlm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/db5fbb/32.png) [@hmhmlm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hmhmlm)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/51 "2011-07-10T20:16:46Z")
I just wanted to spend time w him. If he hadn’t thought of me as a booty call then I did nothing wrong by going Over there. I just wanted to see him. If he did think of me as a booty call then I don’t care about him anyhow. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/52 "2011-07-10T20:56:49Z")
Clearly you do, because you’ve already admitted you went over for a booty call and you’re seemingly still obsessed with this guy and all his communications, motivations, and how he feels about you in the grand scheme of his life. I somehow doubt he’s thinking about all the hidden nuances in your text messages. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/53 "2011-07-10T21:31:53Z")
Why are tho only two options “into you” or “not into you”? Maybe he kind of likes you and is also very busy lately. Cool it off a little with the texts about mundane things. Ask him out for a specific event. If he says he’s busy try to reschedule for a different time and them leave it at that. If he wants to date you he’ll make an effort to go to your planned event or ask you to a different specific event. If he’s not willing to plan ahead to see you it means he doesn’t care if he sees you at all. When you do the all day/ about everything, texts you develop a habit and a relationship with someone who may not want a relationship with you. It feels like dating but it’s not. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/54 "2011-07-10T22:15:33Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > What would treating her well have required? > > What are the different standards men will try to go for? > > If a woman accepts booty-call status, men will lose interest in her? They’ll no longer want anything to do with her after she accepts that? Fair questions. Keep in mind, I’m pretty pro-booty call. I’m not coming at this from a “men are scum” view. Actually, I think men are generally pretty smart and level-headed about dating and women would often benefit from understanding the male approach. Know who is booty call material, have a ton of fun with that, but save your mental energy for the real thng. You’ll have more fun and be a funner and more attractive girlfriend. “Treating someone well” is about how you’d treat a friend you’ve known for the same amount of time. You don’t call a new friend out of the blue at one AM expecting them to drag their ass to your house to hang out. You make concrete plans, or you finalize tenative plans as soon as you can. If you make vague plans, you explain what’s up (“I’d love to go to your party, but I’vemeeting a girl at seven so I’m not sure I’ll make it. I’ll let you know by eight.”) You alternate being host and guest, or meet at locations halfway. You don’t met them trashed, exhuasted or moody until you are really close. You don’t only want to hang out with them on late nights after having you real fun with your real friends. It’s just basic respect for the other person’s time. You don’t treat a girl you care about with less regard than you’d show a casual drimking buddy. Both sexes will try to see if they can get a relationship that offers maximum freedom and minimum work. This isn’t a moral failing. It’s the only smart way to do things. If someone else is willing to do all the work, why would you bother? What people accept also shows you a lot about their self-respect, and that affects your respect for them. It’s an easy way to judge if someone is independent and secure, and thus a good candidate for an equal relationship. And yes, if you start as a booty call, the relationship is probably going to stay like that. But a booty call can last a while and be fulfilling. What is doomed is women who ditch their self-respect by being always available no matter the time or day, take emotional bait (like talk about exes) by acting emotional and irrational, jump through hoops and generally show a man that they will take any treatment rather than be alone. This is boring, somewhat scary, and hints at neediness and clinginess and craziness. No matter how attracted to you he was, that’s gonna drop like a brick when you get needy. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/55 "2011-07-10T22:22:34Z")
Post a pic of yourself and the guys of the SDMB will tell you how into you he is. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2011, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/56 "2011-07-10T23:35:41Z")
[slight hijack] When you light the scarf he just gave you on fire, do you use matches or a lighter? [/slight hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/57 "2011-07-11T01:55:30Z")
> [@Zulema](#): > > When you do the all day/ about everything, texts you develop a habit and a relationship with someone who may not want a relationship with you. It feels like dating but it’s not. This is also very perceptive. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/58 "2011-07-11T02:33:38Z")
Since you’re looking for opinions, I’ll move this to IMHO. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/59 "2011-07-11T03:25:43Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > You’d be better off with a pickle slicer. Didn’t she get fired too? ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491/60 "2011-07-11T03:43:56Z")
> [@AntiCoyote](#): > > I found since cell phones and texting became popular people tend not to make definite plans anymore. They play it by ear, afraid to commit because something better might come along. There were a lot of flakes around even before cell phones. Dependable people are still dependable, even though they text a lot. You should meet some of my friends in their 20s. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-blowing-me-off/588491.md?page=4)