# Is This a Guy Thing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2019, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803 "2019-10-15T16:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/81 "2019-10-16T22:25:14Z")
> [@johnod](#): > > I also consider it an imposition when others ask about my doings/life. I don’t consider being asked things an imposition, but I assume that other people _do_ - or rather that if they wanted me to know something about them they would have shared it voluntarily. Of course I also assume that nobody is interested in knowing anything about me, so I remain silent unless asked. This all makes perfect logical sense. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/82 "2019-10-16T22:28:44Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > What kind of “I’m at some place and the person helping me” did you have in mind? Employees during any business or bureaucratic transaction. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/83 "2019-10-16T22:55:26Z")
This site and typical user composition is probably not the best for soliciting this type of advice. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/84 "2019-10-16T23:05:10Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Are these people who don’t have other social outlets outside of work, or something? I just have trouble wrapping my mind about needing my grief validated by my _coworkers_. Hell, when my dad died about five years ago, I deliberately avoided mentioning it at work, just to avoid this sort of faux-pity from people who barely know me, and didn’t know my dad at all. I’m gonna assume I \*shouldn’t \*say “sorry for your loss” here… Your argument seems a little circular. If you have chatted about random things with your coworkers during the amount of time you’ve worked there then they don’t “barely know you” - that’s kind of the point. Lots of people would find it very disheartening to be spending forty hours a week every week with people they “barely know”. So you chat about something of mutual interest, to fix that problem. Just from a practical point of view, it would seem like when your parent died it would be good for your coworkers to know this, so that if you’re distracted, or grumpy, or sad, or vague, then they can ascribe it to the right thing rather than “gee, wonder why **Miller’s** being such an asshole this week” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2019, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/85 "2019-10-16T23:54:41Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > Your argument seems a little circular. If you have chatted about random things with your coworkers during the amount of time you’ve worked there then they don’t “barely know you” - that’s kind of the point. Lots of people would find it very disheartening to be spending forty hours a week every week with people they “barely know”. So you chat about something of mutual interest, to fix that problem. Oh, my work place is super social. We talk about our interests a lot, and have a lot of things like board game days and at-work movie screenings. (I work in the game industry - it’s kind of different here) I run a D&D game for some of my co-workers after hours. But I don’t think the fact that the guy who sits next to me knows what order I rank the Star Wars films in means he actually knows me as a person. He’s certainly not someone I’d turn to for support in a time of emotional turmoil. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/86 "2019-10-17T01:26:04Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Only if you assume that that someone asking about you, uninvited, is a polite thing to do. Not everyone does. Which we can assume because it is absolutely normal to engage in conversation with someone you have worked with for 15 years. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/87 "2019-10-17T10:32:03Z")
> [@DrForrester](#): > > … > Personally, and I am aware that I am about to say something anti-social, I apologize in advance. Personally, I wish that people would stop asking about my family and my weekend plans. I find it off putting and intrusive. I never ask about anyone else’s weekend plans or families. Please don’t ask me what I am going to eat for lunch. I won’t ask what you are about to eat for lunch. I really don’t care where you are going on vacation. I won’t show you slides from my vacation. > > I find it all to be noise. > > I don’t mind asking for or giving advice. If you’ve got a problem, let’s sit down & talk it through. No problem. I don’t care _at all_ that you baked brownies last night. I can relate to this and I’m female. I dont particularly like such howwasyourweekend questions. I find them intrusive, and spoiling my train of thought, and tasking me with the job of leading the conversation away from such formats into more interesting topics. If you want to tell me something, please do and I’ll listen politely. If I have something to say that might be relevant, I will. But dont set that trap. I do not want to play that game. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/88 "2019-10-17T10:38:57Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > Which we can assume because it is absolutely normal to engage in conversation with someone you have worked with for 15 years. Sure, one would hope that over that period of time you’d have established the level of interaction they are comfortable with. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/89 "2019-10-17T10:53:30Z")
I do care about how people are and what they are doing, very much so, but only if they ate my friends. Asking such questions of a near stranger feels wrong to me, like faking an intimacy that is’nt there. Its also pointless. My co worker can have two daughters or one son, named john or Jill or whatever, and in all those cases my answer would be “oh, how nice” So then what is the point of asking? Now, if people are new parents, then I’m really interested. I do ask people about their activities ( projects) and opinions, though. Exchanging info, a male talking style, apparently. I also do a lot of the socializing organization. But not by asking these questions. Bonus tip: if you really want to get to know a person, very quickly, agree with them to ask each other the Aron questions. [The 36 questions that will make you fall in love with anyone](https://ideapod.com/questions-psychologist-says-will-make-fall-love-anyone/) ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/90 "2019-10-17T12:08:46Z")
**Moderator Note** > [@kambuckta](#): > > I guess I shouldn’t have expected better from Urbanredneck. Attack the post, not the poster. If you want to attack the poster, do so in the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/91 "2019-10-17T12:34:23Z")
> [@CurtC](#): > > I think it’s more of the placement on the autism spectrum (the whole thing, not just the outliers at the end). The population is distributed along that line, and those closer to the autism end not only tend to be men, but have what we think of as a typical man brain. > > Narcissism is different, and autism can look to an outsider to be similar to narcissism. Gospel. There’s a difference between living in your own head because it’s comfortable, and thinking you’re particularly important everywhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/92 "2019-10-17T12:38:47Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Oh, my work place is super social. We talk about our interests a lot, and have a lot of things like board game days and at-work movie screenings. (I work in the game industry - it’s kind of different here) I run a D&D game for some of my co-workers after hours. But I don’t think the fact that the guy who sits next to me knows what order I rank the Star Wars films in means he actually knows me as a person. He’s certainly not someone I’d turn to for support in a time of emotional turmoil. I would think you’d know someone better after doing a D&D campaign with them, than if you know their daughter likes hockey and their son just got married and…(insert whatever random family stuff here). A conversation doesn’t have to be about your family life to be bonding - interests work fine. So maybe you just have a really high threshold for sharing your bad news? Because it sounds like you’re bonding, but just don’t want to get bonded too much. Whereas other people bond a bit, so that later on they can bond a lot. I would totally share “I’m bummed because my dad just died” with a fellow-gamer, and wouldn’t feel any sympathy coming back to be ‘false’ ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/93 "2019-10-17T13:11:41Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > I would totally share “I’m bummed because my dad just died” with a fellow-gamer, and wouldn’t feel any sympathy coming back to be ‘false’ Gamer 1: “My dad just died” Gamer 2: [rolls D20 vs Charisma, fails] “Mine didn’t. Did you bring the Doritos?” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/94 "2019-10-17T13:37:16Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > I do care about how people are and what they are doing, very much so, but only if they ate my friends. Yeah, if somebody eats my friends, I’m gonna keep a close eye on them. ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/95 "2019-10-17T14:40:11Z")
> [@MikeF](#): > > Its because, at home, they never get to voice their thoughts and have to listen what the wife/girlfriend is droning on about. Out in the wild they get a chance to be heard but otherwise appreciate the silence. Just kidding, of course. For the most part. 😉 I really think this is a thing. The guy I mentioned has a wife, 2 daughters and 2 granddaughters at home. I think he gets home after work and everyone ignores him and he has no one to talk to, unless they want him to do something. So when he has a captive audience…look out! ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/96 "2019-10-17T14:45:47Z")
A man has likely no way of knowing if questions about a female coworker’s private life could explode into a harassment allegation so it’s best to not even ‘go there’. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/97 "2019-10-17T15:02:10Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > A man has likely no way of knowing if questions about a female coworker’s private life could explode into a harassment allegation so it’s best to not even ‘go there’. Really? How often has “So, how was your weekend?” (especially in response to a similar question) exploded into a harassment allegation? ETA: If you’re so socially tone-deaf that you can’t tell the difference between something that might be perceived as harassment and something that wouldn’t, then maybe it is best not to even go there. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/98 "2019-10-17T15:18:13Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > A man has likely no way of knowing if questions about a female coworker’s private life could explode into a harassment allegation so it’s best to not even ‘go there’. A man **WHO** has likely no way of knowing if questions about a female coworker’s private life could explode into a harassment allegation …. 😉 From what I’ve seen, short of something blatant amounting to assault or a straight up out-of-the-blue proposition to soil each other’s pants, a harassment case requires a pattern of behavior and at least one “no”. Chatting about mundane stuff and a “hey how about coffee/dinner/feeding ducks at the park after work?” isn’t gonna be a problem. Unless you keep asking after “no” and you can’t be cool about it. Yes, there are sociopaths out there looking for any opportunity to destroy a man. Not many, and a nondysfunctional management & HR crew can spot them a mile off. ---
**Author:** ![DrForrester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@DrForrester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrForrester)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/99 "2019-10-17T17:33:46Z")
I find myself in this conversation every now and again: Q: What did you do over the weekend? A: I’m sorry, but I really can’t talk about that. Q: Why not? A: Well, it’s to do with the “statute of limitations”. or A: I promised the FBI that I wouldn’t. I don’t _want_ to be a jerk. After trying every other type of diversion over months, I just, eventually, have to resort to being one… but, I still try to be a little creative. Do people really, honestly, care that I mowed my yard, edited some music, and played with the cats which watching “El Camino”? No. They don’t care. You don’t care. Nobody cares. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/100 "2019-10-17T17:48:23Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > And I think yours was the stupidest comeback. Who died and made you discussion king? I think someone at my work’s mother died, but I’m sure as hell not going to ask them about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803.md?page=6)