# Is This a Guy Thing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2019, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803 "2019-10-15T16:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/101 "2019-10-17T17:48:35Z")
An old joke: A wife asks her husband how his day went. He replies “Great!, me and good ole Jim each caught three fish - big ones too. We shot some cans and ran into Buddy on the way back from the beer store. It was good seeing Jim. We have known each other since high school.” The wife asks “How is Jim’s wife?”. The husband answers: “How am I supposed to know that?”. My fiancee often complains that I talk too much meaning that I speak at all. Our ratio is about 1000 to 1 words but I make them count. She blabbers about nothing. I usually tell her to just me know when she is done so that we can focus on the important things. Men don’t tend to care about other people’s relationships or what they are doing. That is the reason the busybodies in every neighborhood are almost invariably women. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/102 "2019-10-17T19:12:48Z")
In this “me too” era, an older male has to be exceptionally careful around how he is perceived around scantily clad female coworkers. It’s best not to get into personal conversations with them. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/103 "2019-10-17T19:20:42Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > In this “me too” era, an older male has to be exceptionally careful around how he is perceived around scantily clad female coworkers. It’s best not to get into personal conversations with them. Hmm. And I always thought it was best to treat them exactly the same no matter how they were clad. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/104 "2019-10-17T19:45:05Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Hmm. And I always thought it was best to treat them exactly the same no matter how they were clad. It’s all in how it’s perceived, not necessarily “how it is”. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/105 "2019-10-17T20:42:10Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Hmm. And I always thought it was best to treat them exactly the same no matter how they were clad. Irrespective of their cladness level, I’m leery of making any woman think I’m hitting on them, and this goes double for co-workers. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/106 "2019-10-17T21:08:31Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > It’s all in how it’s perceived, not necessarily “how it is”. I’m in my forties and regularly work with women in their twenties, including in semi-supervisory roles. This isn’t a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mundane_super_hero/32/6304_2.png) [@Mundane\_Super\_Hero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundane_Super_Hero)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/107 "2019-10-17T21:19:35Z")
I avoid cladding women at all costs. It’s just asking for trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/108 "2019-10-17T21:49:39Z")
> [@DrForrester](#): > > I find myself in this conversation every now and again: > > Q: What did you do over the weekend? > > A: I’m sorry, but I really can’t talk about that. > > Q: Why not? > > A: Well, it’s to do with the “statute of limitations”. > > or > > A: I promised the FBI that I wouldn’t. > I don’t _want_ to be a jerk. After trying every other type of diversion over months, I just, eventually, have to resort to being one… but, I still try to be a little creative. Do people really, honestly, care that I mowed my yard, edited some music, and played with the cats which watching “El Camino”? No. They don’t care. You don’t care. Nobody cares. “Any plans for the weekend?” “I don’t plan things ahead. That’s when words like ‘premeditation’ start getting thrown around the courtroom.” ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/109 "2019-10-18T03:17:26Z")
One thing I’ve told the other departments that if they have an issue involving something that needs fixed, ask one of us maintenance guys. So say something involving their house or car etc… one of us would know how to fix it. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/110 "2019-10-18T04:48:54Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > My fiancee often complains that I talk too much meaning that I speak at all. Our ratio is about 1000 to 1 words but I make them count. She blabbers about nothing. I usually tell her to just me know when she is done so that we can focus on the important things. Men don’t tend to care about other people’s relationships or what they are doing. That is the reason the busybodies in every neighborhood are almost invariably women. Yeah, girls tend to gab more than guys. Maybe this is out of line, but I really think you’d enjoy people more if you thought of them as quirky characters rather than people doing life wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/111 "2019-10-18T06:00:52Z")
So I’ve seen this meme of “women natter on all the time and men can’t get a word in edgeways” come up a few times in this thread now, and [science says you’re all wrong](https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/applied-psycholinguistics/article/speaker-sex-and-perceived-apportionment-of-talk/16666BA97B7BE41FFB16A5693BF60C23). Women talk less (in mixed gender situations), but it seems like more because we’re biased to think men should be taking up more of the verbal space. [Also here](https://medium.com/@darcyreeder/yes-men-talk-more-than-women-bc21b0929c23). Some studies say it [evens out over all conversations](https://www.livescience.com/7330-word-men-talk-women.html) but that’s because women talk more [to each other](https://www.livescience.com/7420-men-talk-women.html) than men talk to each other. Women also [get interrupted more](https://www.scmp.com/magazines/post-magazine/long-reads/article/2137023/science-behind-interrupting-gender-nationality), and men do more interrupting. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/112 "2019-10-18T10:46:21Z")
So, I’m a guy. If Point Stret Tavern has a band, I’m thinking we’ll go there Saturday. Sunday I really should pull the boat out of the water for the season. There are people at work who I’ll discuss my weekend with and ask about theirs. Then there’s one woman in particular who I will not ask, because she’ll over share and tell me sick shit I don’t need to know. ---
**Author:** ![Snake\_Plissken\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Snake\_Plissken\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snake_Plissken_1)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/113 "2019-10-18T11:40:51Z")
Very interesting thread! I was a stay at home dad for nine years. Raised two from babies to elementary school age. Being self conscious of my ‘non-traditional’ role made me keenly sensitive to what was going on around me in social settings. One of the first things I noticed was that hardly any women would talk to me. It was really uncomfortable at school functions or daycare events during the day where oftentimes I was the only adult male in attendance. I felt my presence was an intrusion. The women had to alter their conversations. When women did speak to me the first question was invariably ‘Where’s their mother?’ I always felt like saying, ‘She died in the fire.’ (That’s what I’d say to another man, anyway). Anyway…I think men AND women have difficulty talking to each other because we don’t have a lot of practice at it. Women prefer talking to women and men like talking to men. It’s as simple as that. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/114 "2019-10-18T11:45:06Z")
\ The situation in the OP is very common. It’s just a matter of lacking certain social skills, which tends to be more common in men. I myself am a reformed “social idiot”. If someone asks about my life, I might go on something of a tangent for a minute before something kicks in in my mind and reminds me I need to reciprocate, and ask about the other person. This is something I have had to train myself to do. And it’s not because I don’t care about the other person – when they share their situation, I am usually interested to hear about it, and if they are going through something I can give advice or offer help – it’s just that I wouldn’t have thought to ask if it wasn’t a behaviour that I’ve drilled into myself. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/115 "2019-10-18T12:12:38Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > An old joke: > > A wife asks her husband how his day went. He replies “Great!, me and good ole Jim each caught three fish - big ones too. We shot some cans and ran into Buddy on the way back from the beer store. It was good seeing Jim. We have known each other since high school.” > > The wife asks “How is Jim’s wife?”. > > The husband answers: “How am I supposed to know that?”. > > My fiancee often complains that I talk too much meaning that I speak at all. Our ratio is about 1000 to 1 words but I make them count. She blabbers about nothing. I usually tell her to just me know when she is done so that we can focus on the important things. Men don’t tend to care about other people’s relationships or what they are doing. That is the reason the busybodies in every neighborhood are almost invariably women. The only wrong thing in this post is the word “fiancee”. Why are you engaged to marry someone you find contemptible? ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/116 "2019-10-18T12:25:24Z")
Because I was raised by a mother who gave the extremely strong impression that answering personal questions would do her irreparable emotional damage, and a father who adored me as long as I was continuously amusing and witty, I have had to teach myself, painfully, how to ask people social questions. I was made afraid to ask anything personal, and was strictly trained to tell entertaining stories about myself, only. Invariably after a social encounter is over I am sure that I over-talked and under-asked. It is very hard to change this. I believe that, in western cultures, the combination of the adamant rule for men to never be vulnerable, and the deeply inculcated male sense of superiority to women, is what causes most gendered conversational imbalance, however. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/117 "2019-10-18T12:31:44Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > Yeah it can be a guy thing. We don’t multitask that well, so if he had anything else on his mind he wouldn’t have been able to pay attention that well. And we don’t care as much about personal/family issues. This can be true even with friends, let alone work colleagues. I have friends I go cycling with. Some of them are quite old friends but I only see them two or three times a month on bike rides. Often when I get home, my wife will ask “So, how was X? What have he and his wife been up to?” And I’ll have to admit that I have no idea, because although we talked, we really only talked about the stuff we were actually doing at the time, how wet and muddy the trail was, how so-and-so nearly crashed back there, etc etc. Personal stuff? No idea. Meanwhile when my wife goes to catch up with friends, she will find out the full history of everything they have done, seen and experienced over the past week. And on edit I see that I am basically the subject of the joke that **Shagnasty** quoted 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/118 "2019-10-18T13:13:30Z")
Guy here. Yeah, it’s a guy thing. I enjoy talking with people but often find that other guys, while perfectly willing to talk about themselves if asked, won’t ask questions of their own. ---
**Author:** ![Wrath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ee7513/32.png) [@Wrath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wrath)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/119 "2019-10-18T15:03:38Z")
I’ve actually experienced the opposite, on dates. I’m usually very interested in learning about a potential romantic partner - the things they enjoy, their passions, their family, etc. And then hardly a query from her, as if there was zero interest. As for business associates, I tend to keep them, both men and women, at arm’s length. I tend to not ask more personal questions about their life and family beyond the requisite “how was your weekend” type of things. But being single, I’m always asked about what I did, who I went out with, where we went. I think they like to live vicariously through me. LOL ---
**Author:** ![sps49sd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@sps49sd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sps49sd)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803/120 "2019-10-18T19:50:55Z")
Is it a ‘girl thing’ that women are always oversharing personal things I don’t really worry about and asking questions of me that are none of their business? This is partly gentle mockery and mostly wondering why a female who heard second hand I was seeing someone completely unknown to my circle started asking her age, job, appearance, family,; things I didn’t even know yet. My answers got shorter and when I asked her not to ask what I felt were personal questions, her feelings were hurt, which did make me feel bad. A little. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-guy-thing/841803.md?page=7)