# Is this a jerkish impulse? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 8, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510 "2010-10-08T16:38:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/1 "2010-10-08T16:38:09Z")
On my little sister’s facebook page, she has a statement to the effect that she is engaging in the Breast Cancer Walk in honor of our mother, who died of breast cancer, and two of our aunts, who died of other varieties of cancer, and asking others to list whom they are honoring today. Reading this, I had the impulse to ask why she was leaving out the uncles (three in number) who died of cancer as well. Before anybody asks, I didn’t ask the question because I decided it would be a pointless stirring up of shit. So I ask you: was the impulse itself jerkish? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/2 "2010-10-08T16:42:11Z")
No, not at all, but then I’m one of those people who is absolutely sick of being made “aware” of breast cancer. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/3 "2010-10-08T16:44:51Z")
Asking it publicly on her page would be semi-jerkish. Asking it in a private message would not be jerkish at all. In my opinion. Although I am with **Justin\_Bailey** that I am perfectly well aware of breast cancer, as I think are most non-comatose humans in this country, and would be very happy if people would stop trying to raise my awareness with pink ribbons and pink soup can labels and pink Facebook profile pictures and the like. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/4 "2010-10-08T16:47:31Z")
Don’t know that I’d call it jerkish, but I would call it tacky. And, as you know, in the South, things that are considered tacky are generally not done by civilized people. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/5 "2010-10-08T16:48:26Z")
It’s Breast cancer Month. Did your uncles die of _breast_ cancer? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/6 "2010-10-08T16:50:42Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s Breast cancer Month. Did your uncles die of _breast_ cancer? Probably not, but neither did two of the aunts who were listed. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/7 "2010-10-08T16:51:48Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s Breast cancer Month. Did your uncles die of _breast_ cancer? I realize my OP, at 112 words long, was daunting. But if you had troubled yourself to actually read it, you might have noted that only our mother died of breast cancer; the aunts did not. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/8 "2010-10-08T16:52:07Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s Breast cancer Month. Did your uncles die of _breast_ cancer? Unlikely, although **StR** said that his sister mentioned two aunts that died of non-breast cancer, so I think asking why other relatives that died of non-breast cancer didn’t rate a mention is reasonable. Though I wouldn’t make a big public “I’m calling you out” thing over it. I’d just send an email or something. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/9 "2010-10-08T16:59:38Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > It’s Breast cancer Month. Did your uncles die of _breast_ cancer? > > I realize my OP, at 112 words long, was daunting. But if you had troubled yourself to actually read it, you might have noted that only our mother died of breast cancer; the aunts did not. Well then by all means, pick a fight about. This aggression will not stand, man. ---
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/10 "2010-10-08T17:04:50Z")
I don’t think it’s a jerkish impulse. After swallowing it, like you did, I might go ahead and post that I would like to remember \ who also died of cancer. Some people are just thick. As a person who has done some thick things in the past, I guess I am more forgiving. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/11 "2010-10-08T17:04:50Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > It’s Breast cancer Month. Did your uncles die of _breast_ cancer? > > Unlikely, although **StR** said that his sister mentioned two aunts that died of non-breast cancer, so I think asking why other relatives that died of non-breast cancer didn’t rate a mention is reasonable. Though I wouldn’t make a big public “I’m calling you out” thing over it. I’d just send an email or something. Well, it still is specifically a breast cancer event. So she wanted to honorable mention a couple of other women who were important to her. So what? I see no point in trying to start shit with her about it. My guess is that the uncles just never occurred to her because she was thinking about women. If this is a question **skald** really feels he nees to know the anser to, he can ask her privately. Personally, I don’t see much cause to badger her publicly about it. She mentioned who she wanted to mention. Why does she have to justify anything? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/12 "2010-10-08T17:08:35Z")
Why stop at the uncles? Why not mention everybody else in the world who has ever died of cancer? And why stop at cancer? What about all those who have died from heart disease, ALS, fires, drownings and pit bull attacks? How dare anybody mention anything in facebook about people close to them who have diied without mentioning every single other person they know who has died? It’s her facebook page. She can remember whoever she wants. She doesn’t need to be policed for gender correctness. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/13 "2010-10-08T17:15:48Z")
I’m not seeing it here. She mentioned who was on her mind, and opened the door for you to do the same. So. do. the. same. There is no reason to publicly excoriate her just because her mind had different people on it than yours did. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/14 "2010-10-08T17:17:49Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > If this is a question skald really feels he nees to know the anser to, he can ask her privately. Personally, I don’t see much cause to badger her publicly about it. She mentioned who she wanted to mention. Why does she have to justify anything? You are saying this like you are disagreeing with me, which I find to be odd, since it’s basically the exact same thing I already said. Twice, actually. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/15 "2010-10-08T17:19:27Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I’m not seeing it here. She mentioned who was on her mind, and opened the door for you to do the same. So. do. the. same. There is no reason to publicly excoriate her just because her mind had different people on it than yours did. Oh, I’m not going to publicly excoriate her; I don’t think I’ll even send her an email. As I wrote in the OP, it would be a pointless stirring up of shit. Admittedly if it had been certain other siblings I’d have done so without blinking, but i’m not facebook (or real-life) friends with them, so obviously it’d never happen. I was just thinking about the impulse itself. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/16 "2010-10-08T17:23:48Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > If this is a question skald really feels he nees to know the anser to, he can ask her privately. Personally, I don’t see much cause to badger her publicly about it. She mentioned who she wanted to mention. Why does she have to justify anything? > > You are saying this like you are disagreeing with me, which I find to be odd, since it’s basically the exact same thing I already said. Twice, actually. I wasn’t disagreeing with you, just quoting you to acknowledge the correction on my mistake about thinking the other wo women had also died of breast cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/17 "2010-10-08T17:25:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@TruCelt](#): > > > > I’m not seeing it here. She mentioned who was on her mind, and opened the door for you to do the same. So. do. the. same. There is no reason to publicly excoriate her just because her mind had different people on it than yours did. > > Oh, I’m not going to publicly excoriate her; I don’t think I’ll even send her an email. As I wrote in the OP, it would be a pointless stirring up of shit. Admittedly if it had been certain other siblings I’d have done so without blinking, but i’m not facebook (or real-life) friends with them, so obviously it’d never happen. > > I was just thinking about the impulse itself. Without knowing anything about her relationship with those uncles, my first guess would be that she just had women on the brain and didn’t think about the uncles at all. Or maybe she didn’t like them. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/18 "2010-10-08T19:07:27Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > Oh, I’m not going to publicly excoriate her; I don’t think I’ll even send her an email. As I wrote in the OP, it would be a pointless stirring up of shit. Admittedly if it had been certain other siblings I’d have done so without blinking, but i’m not facebook (or real-life) friends with them, so obviously it’d never happen. > > > > I was just thinking about the impulse itself. > > Without knowing anything about her relationship with those uncles, my first guess would be that she just had women on the brain and didn’t think about the uncles at all. > > Or maybe she didn’t like them. I wasn’t wondering about HER impulse. I was assessing MY impulse. Though she liked both. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/19 "2010-10-08T19:36:16Z")
Thinking about asking her about them is not a jerkish impulse. Asking her might be. Posting, “Yes, I agree, and don’t forget about [uncles who also died of cancer]!” would not be jerkish. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510/20 "2010-10-08T19:40:41Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I wasn’t wondering about HER impulse. I was assessing MY impulse. Though she liked both. Yes, your impulse was mildly jerkish, but also pretty understandable. As long as you didn’t post it I don’t see that it’s a big deal, we all have jerkish impulses from time to time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-jerkish-impulse/556510.md?page=2)