# Is this a victory for Bullies? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 27, 2012, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614 "2012-07-27T22:12:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2012, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/41 "2012-08-02T11:25:01Z")
Uh, **BigT**? I never said I was jealous. Perhaps I would be jealous if I was still a teenager and being tormented by bullies. Not that it’s important, but being bullied was a relatively minor experience for me growing up. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/42 "2012-08-02T17:26:08Z")
To answer the OP, I would call this more or less a victory for the bullies. Sure, they probably weren’t aiming for the goal of having her get cosmetic surgery but, getting surgery to solve it would be like getting teased for being fat and getting liposuction or gastric bypass or something. We need to be teaching kids how to handle this sort of stuff in a way that doesn’t require this sort of extreme response. On how to handle it, I think punishing kids with jail or whatever is the wrong response. People stop overtly bullying not because of punishment but because of maturity. Throwing people in jail is essentially using the same sort of tactics that bullies use, it’s overt coercion. And, as other mentioned, even adults still bully, it just ends up being exclusion, insults, gossip and that sort rather than getting beat up. Sure, in this case, she was picked on for having her ears stick out a bit, and bullies will pick up on differences like that, but they’ll also stop when they don’t get enough of a response to make it worth the effort. We shouldn’t be teaching kids to base their self-esteem on their physical appearance like this. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/43 "2012-08-02T21:59:54Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Um, she’s specifically talking about herself. Um, she specifically mentioned the “obese/stuttering/clumsy/socially awkward classmates” of this girl, and I specifically responded to that. > [@](#): > > She’s saying she’s jealous of people like this, because she was picked on for something she can’t change, even with $40,000. I’ll let her decide whether to tell you what that is (mostly because I’m not sure I could sum it up well enough), but you can easily find out if you search the threads she’s started on this message board. Frankly I think it’s creepy and inappropriate that you even posted this. If **monstro** isn’t bothered by it then no harm no foul, but I see she has indicated that you overestimated the extent to which she _was_ in fact talking about herself. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/44 "2012-08-02T22:55:51Z")
> [@Weeping\_Wyvern](#): > > I am very confused… she looks quite pretty in the “before” pictures. But…but look at those ears! Who could love her?? ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2012, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/45 "2012-08-03T03:37:50Z")
I’m thinking of that old _Twilight Zone_ episode where a normal plain woman is forced to have plastic surgery so she’ll be attractive like everyone else. Damn, that show was ahead of its time. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2012, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/46 "2012-08-03T03:59:15Z")
I don’t think you can really say it’s a “victory” for bullies in that the goal of bullies is just to have someone to pick on so they can feel powerful. They don’t have some other considered goal of making everyone look ordinary, which they further using considered violence against those that look different. If every single person looked and behaved exactly the same they would still find some reason to bully somone. The bullying _is_ the goal. Also, this: > [@Farmer\_Jane](#): > > It’s likely she thought she had ugly protruding ears **before** she was a social outcast. I suspect the girl wanted to have her ears pinned quite apart from being bullied. She achieved a victory in that respect. Whether it would be better if she didn’t have that desire is another point. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2012, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/47 "2012-08-03T04:24:38Z")
Well actually the bullies are all children of the plastic surgeons. It is just a way to drum up business. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2012, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/48 "2012-08-03T04:47:56Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Uh, **BigT**? I never said I was jealous. Perhaps I would be jealous if I was still a teenager and being tormented by bullies. > > Not that it’s important, but being bullied was a relatively minor experience for me growing up. You also said your mother called you a baby or you got into trouble (maybe not seriously) if you complained about it. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/49 "2012-08-04T11:34:10Z")
> [@Farmer\_Jane](#): > > You also said your mother called you a baby or you got into trouble (maybe not seriously) if you complained about it. You need to find a hobby, **Farmer Jane**. Something that does not involve making crazy shit up about people you know nothing about. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2012, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/50 "2012-08-04T13:02:24Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > On how to handle it, I think punishing kids with jail or whatever is the wrong response. People stop overtly bullying not because of punishment but because of maturity. I don’t buy that. When the police can’t or won’t enforce such laws, adults do the same or worse. The bullies don’t get nicer when they get older; the authorities just put a leash on them. Remove the leash, and you get harassment and beatings and vandalism and everything else you get from the bullies when they were younger. With the occasional killing thrown in. ---
**Author:** ![Molesworth\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9dc877/32.png) [@Molesworth\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Molesworth_2)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2012, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/51 "2012-08-05T01:04:59Z")
It’s her money. If it makes her feel better about herself then it’s probably a better investment than blowing 40K on a prestige automobile. I have a lot more of a problem with vapid women being given a ridiculously expensive diamond ring or stupid men spending thousands on an Armani suit than I do with this. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614/52 "2012-08-05T01:15:20Z")
> [@Molesworth\_2](#): > > It’s her money. If it makes her feel better about herself then it’s probably a better investment than blowing 40K on a prestige automobile… I guess you didn’t read the story. It’s NOT her money, it’s not even her parents’ money. It money from a charity that raises funds that (I suspect) most donors support thinking that they are supporting children with serious problems like cleft palates, not nose jobs and ear jobs to make them marginally prettier. I have one positive hope about this. Maybe the charity funded this surgery because they had already funded all the surgeries of all the children they could find with real problems. What are the odds of that? :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-a-victory-for-bullies/629614.md?page=2)