# Is this annoying to wait staff or no? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** food-cooking\ **Created:** [September 2, 2026, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780 "2026-09-02T21:48:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2026, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/81 "2026-09-07T20:07:02Z")
Is it rude that I don’t care about whether it’s “annoying” to the wait staff? Not like I’m intentionally trying to annoy them, but the onus isn’t on me, the paying customer, to figure out what is more efficient for their particular operation. Although in this particular case, we usually ask them to bring the food as it’s ready so our kids can get to eating. I mean it’s not like I’m telling them “oh just cook the steak whatever temperature you usually cook it at”. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2026, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/82 "2026-09-07T20:12:49Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Is it rude that I don’t care about whether it’s “annoying” to the wait staff? Yes. It’s rude not to care how you treat other humans. Now, the circumstances dictated by the OP are not rude on their face, because ‘whatever is easiest for you’ at least tries to take the server into account. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2026, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/83 "2026-09-07T21:15:06Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > Yes. It’s rude not to care how you treat other humans. Now, the circumstances dictated by the OP are not rude on their face, because ‘whatever is easiest for you’ at least tries to take the server into account. Just to be clear, I’m not mistreating anyone here. But in the OPs particular case, telling the server to choose whichever option is more convenient to them seems like it shouldn’t be annoying and if it is, they perhaps should find another line of work. Particularly given the number of actual annoying behaviors customers can offer. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2026, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/84 "2026-09-07T21:58:49Z")
Service work, especially in restaurants is hard. It does take a very stable person to do it. They can’t all holler “eat my grits” everytime they get sniped at by a customer. I agree, if it’s not in your personality to do it, you probably shouldn’t be there. Restaurants are so understaffed that they will hire almost anyone who can carry a tray. We’re gonna see a bunch more of this. Nothing I hate worse than to see a table abusing or harassing a server. But…karen gonna karen. I say take your experiences eating out one at a time and try to be a human being _that day._ It’s easy enough to be polite. If your food is awful or the server was inept go give a bad review and don’t go back. No need to cause a ruckus from your table. ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2026, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/85 "2026-09-07T22:20:10Z")
so you’re unwilling to make up your mind, but you expect the server to 1. read your mind as to what you’re hungry for 2. be aware of any aversions/allergies you may possess? Should they also decide how the food is to be cooked? ---
**Author:** ![Nicest\_of\_the\_Damned](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8baadc/32.png) [@Nicest\_of\_the\_Damned](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicest_of_the_Damned)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2026, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/86 "2026-09-07T22:54:46Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > They can’t all holler “eat my grits” everytime they get sniped at by a customer. No, that would be very wrong. They should holler “_kiss_ my grits!” ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/87 "2026-09-08T00:08:21Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Is it rude that I don’t care about whether it’s “annoying” to the wait staff? > > Not like I’m intentionally trying to annoy them, but the onus isn’t on me, the paying customer, to figure out what is more efficient for their particular operation. Okay, it is okay to not think too much as to what annoys them, but there is a fine line between 'annoying" and rude. > [@ricepad](#): > > Yes. It’s rude not to care how you treat other humans. In nearly all these cases, we are not talking about being deliberately annoying- aka rude. Being deliberately rude to other people (except under extreme provocation) is wrong. But there are so many types and flavorsof waitstaff and restaurants, it is understandable to not know all the nuances. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/88 "2026-09-08T01:09:37Z")
Oh yeah. That. So sorry. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/89 "2026-09-08T02:05:21Z")
> [@fedman1](#): > > so you’re unwilling to make up your mind, but you expect the server to 1. read your mind as to what you’re hungry for 2. be aware of any aversions/allergies you may possess? Should they also decide how the food is to be cooked? Is that what I said? The question was whether the apps should come out first or with the meal. If I don’t have a preference (because I legitimately don’t care one way or the other), I don’t see how that should “annoy” the wait staff. I assume they will simply default to bringing out the courses as they are ready. And honestly, as long as the customer isn’t rude, wait staff should expect to answer questions about the meal or reasonable special accommodations without getting “annoyed”. ---
**Author:** ![ricepad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@ricepad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ricepad)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/90 "2026-09-08T02:26:53Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > Yes. It’s rude not to care how you treat other humans. > [@DrDeth](#): > > In nearly all these cases, we are not talking about being deliberately annoying- aka rude. Being deliberately rude to other people (except under extreme provocation) is wrong. But there are so many types and flavorsof waitstaff and restaurants, it is understandable to not know all the nuances. Hey, man…I was just responding to the question! ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/91 "2026-09-08T02:54:17Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > telling the server to choose whichever option is more convenient to them seems like it shouldn’t be annoying and if it is, they perhaps should find another line of work. telling the staff to make the decision is not “asking a question”. And then telling them to" find another line of work" is reproachable ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/92 "2026-09-08T03:46:30Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > Hey, man…I was just responding to the question! I know, sorry if I worded my response in such a way you took it personal- my bad. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/93 "2026-09-08T11:43:06Z")
> [@fedman1](#): > > telling the staff to make the decision is not “asking a question”. What other aspect of their job should I tell them how to do? Which side of the plate to cook the fork on? > [@fedman1](#): > > And then telling them to" find another line of work" is reproachable Well…too bad. The OP’s question seems like such a minor triviality to me in the grand scheme of waitering that not professional waiter should think twice about it. The correct answer of course is to bring the apps out first so they don’t get cold waiting for the main course and the main course doesn’t get cold waiting for you to eat your apps. But that’s individual preference. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/94 "2026-09-08T15:34:47Z")
> [@fedman1](#): > > so you’re unwilling to make up your mind, but you expect the server to 1. read your mind as to what you’re hungry for 2. be aware of any aversions/allergies you may possess? Should they also decide how the food is to be cooked? Let’s not pretend that a food-serving professional doesn’t have valid and meaningful opinions on this sort of thing. The server spends more time at the establishment than probably any customer, they have seen all the variations people have requested on everything on the menu, and they have seen & heard reactions concerning those variations. Sure, if you know what you want, say so. But if you are uncertain, maybe because it’s a new dish to you or maybe you want something new and unusual but don’t really know the options, why not ask the local expert at hand? If I turn to a server for an opinion and they get put off, then I think the problem is them having the wrong job, not me asking them for their input. That’s not any more “reproachable” than telling someone with a cat allergy that they maybe should reconsider being a small animal vet. WTH man? Expecting a server to know about my aversions/allergies is not the same thing and it sounds a bit huffy when you suggest it is. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/95 "2026-09-08T18:39:32Z")
This is not a monumental decision. 1. if you have a preference, just answer the question. 2. if you have no preference, i don’t think it’s horrible to ask the waiter if one option or the other is easier for them. If they lob the choice back to you, then just pick one. This whole conversation shouldn’t take more than 30 seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/96 "2026-09-08T19:21:51Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Just to be clear, I’m not mistreating anyone here. But in the OPs particular case, telling the server to choose whichever option is more convenient to them seems like it shouldn’t be annoying and if it is, they perhaps should find another line of work. It’s a mild annoyance and one I don’t imagine a lot of servers will get overly annoyed at. If you work customer service long enough you’re going to run into people who tell you they don’t care but suddenly aren’t happy with the choice they had you make on their behalf. ---
**Author:** ![batsto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b2d939/32.png) [@batsto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/batsto)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/97 "2026-09-08T19:43:18Z")
> [@ricepad](#): > > Don’t stack. There’s a very good chance you’ll screw it up and stack them wrong, or make more work for the wait staff. It also sends a message to the staff that you don’t think they’re capable of doing their jobs, which is to serve you. Don’t try to _help_ them. I guess this depends on the server and the restaurant. My wife always stacks, precisely because she used to be a waitress and appreciated when it was done for her. ---
**Author:** ![Drum\_God](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drum_god/32/44_2.png) [@Drum\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drum_God)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2026, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/98 "2026-09-08T20:08:17Z")
When it comes to wishy-washy decision-making (“whatever’s easiest for you…”), I’m reminded of a vaguely remembered scene on TV’s _The West Wing_. Two staffers (I don’t remember who) are in line at the White House commissary choosing items for lunch. One is taking his time and hemming-and-hawing over what he wants. The other chooses more quickly and says to his slower colleague something like, “I’ve seen President Bartlett get his lunch countless times. He never hesitates – he knows what he wants and he gets it.” The implication is that leaders know what they want and aren’t afraid to ask for it. Don’t make an ass of yourself, but say what you want and mean it. (I tried to find this scene on YouTube, but my search was not effective. Yeah, I get the irony. I asked for what I wanted and still didn’t get it.) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2026, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/99 "2026-09-09T00:25:10Z")
> [@fedman1](#): > > And then telling them to" find another line of work" is reproachable It certainly is. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > 1. if you have a preference, just answer the question. > 2. if you have no preference, i don’t think it’s horrible to ask the waiter if one option or the other is easier for them. If they lob the choice back to you, then just pick one. This whole conversation shouldn’t take more than 30 seconds. Yeah, it is no big deal. > [@Drum\_God](#): > > The other chooses more quickly and says to his slower colleague something like, “I’ve seen President Bartlett get his lunch countless times. He never hesitates – he knows what he wants and he gets it.” The implication is that leaders know what they want and aren’t afraid to ask for it. Or the implication was that Bartlett always orders the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2026, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780/100 "2026-09-11T13:23:49Z")
I feel like what the guest is trying to say is, “Whichever comes up first, just bring it. No need to wait till they are together!” Because the truth is one WILL come up first. And sit under heat lamps waiting on the second item. Hope this helps! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-annoying-to-wait-staff-or-no/1032780.md?page=4)