# Is this being overly manipulative?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-being-overly-manipulative/540948>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [May 27, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-being-overly-manipulative/540948 "2010-05-27T14:25:24Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 6

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**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\
**Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-being-overly-manipulative/540948/101 "2010-05-28T17:50:32Z")

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> [@Happy\_Poster](#):
>
> Yes, but it’s hijacking this thread, so it’s proper to withdraw.
> 
> I’m quite happy to continue the debate in another thread 🙂

Can I suggest such debating tactics as, “Eeeew, vaginas!” and “Never give a woman an important document–she might menstruate on it”?

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**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\
**Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-being-overly-manipulative/540948/102 "2010-05-28T18:28:25Z")

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> [@Freudian\_Slit](#):
>
> Can I suggest such debating tactics as, “Eeeew, vaginas!” and “Never give a woman an important document–she might menstruate on it”?

Careful, you might become a caricature of yourself 😉

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**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\
**Post date:** [May 28, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-being-overly-manipulative/540948/103 "2010-05-28T20:31:38Z")

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> [@Happy\_Poster](#):
>
> Heck, have you not noticed that almost all the other dopers bringing up family members behaving like this in this thread are talking about women? Must be a coincidence. Anyway, I’m off to give birth :rolleyes:

We’re disagreeing with the assertion that passive-aggressiveness or manipulation is the primary domain of women instead of men. Men do it just as often; for my own part I’ve known more men who do this than women who do.

Passive-aggressive and manipulative men I’ve known:  
[ol]  
[li]My father; also a narcissist, has a habit of destroying all of his relationships over time with his behavior (and he is the reason my first post called it “dealbreaker territory”)[/li][li]My brother; learned it from my father (just one example: he doesn’t want to raise his kids, so he keeps asking mom to “babysit” and then “doesn’t get around” to picking them up on time)[/li][li]My first boyfriend; who is now the Gold Standard of What to Run Far and Fast Away from in a Relationship[/li][/ol]

And there have been others, but mostly brief encounters because I have a low tolerance for that shit. For the record, my mom, my sister, and I all communicate like grown ups. We don’t place unreasonable expectations on each other, either.

It’s not common sense; it’s a ridiculous assertion with no actual correlation to reality. What you’re experiencing is confirmation bias.

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