# Is this customer an asshole? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 5, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855 "2011-05-05T17:15:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/41 "2011-05-05T20:21:05Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > For $150, I would have expected superior service and for everything to be perfect. I don’t think it was unreasonable for him to lose his cool. From the price of the meal, I guess this is a very upscale type of restaurant. Certainly a far cry from TGIF or Chili’s. Not that assholery is ever justified, but I think his level of dissatisfaction and how forcefully he expressed it wasn’t inappropriate for the situation. And on your birthday, especially, you want everything to be perfect. This. I have never, in my life, spent $150 on a single meal. If I did, it would be a once-in-a-great-while special occasion, and I would have high expectations for both the food and the service. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/42 "2011-05-05T20:23:59Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > This isn’t assembly-line food. You don’t say “hold the butter” if the steak is prepared with butter. The steak is prepared with butter because the chef designed it that way. You don’t tell him that his recipe and methods are wrong. You order something you like instead. It would be like ordering the tuna tartare and saying “I want the tuna cooked”. Asking to leave butter off a steak isn’t an insult to a good chef, it’s merely a personal choice. If a restaurant took offense at something like that I’d take my business elsewhere. That’s simply not proper customer service in the food industry. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/43 "2011-05-05T20:28:17Z")
For me, it all depends on who he was snapping at. If he was snapping at the person who actually screwed up his order, that’s fine. If he was just snapping at some random person trying to do their job; that’s an asshole move. Given the situation, I wouldn’t nail him to the cross for it though. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/44 "2011-05-05T20:29:44Z")
The chain in question is [Ruth’s Chris](http://www.ruthschris.com/). I chose maybe. it all depends, did he politely tell a server that there was an issue when served, or did they sulk and not say anything until the bill arrives? If they were polite and mentioned it immediately, not rude. Sulk, rude. Did the server immediately correct the issue? If yes, there shouldn’t be any issue - you just quietly and politely request to speak with a manger, politely let him know the service suffered and why. not a jerk. Shout bitch and moan at everybody that it sucked, jerky. The times we have eaten there, we had the orders correct, and good service. I would say that the waiter stopped 3 to 4 times, the manager once and the busboy refilled our water and offered drinks whenever the glasses got low. The waiter crumbed the table between appetizer and dinner, and between main and dessert. Maybe the busboy surfing past frequently is what bothered them? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/45 "2011-05-05T20:30:25Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Asking to leave butter off a steak isn’t an insult to a good chef, it’s merely a personal choice. If a restaurant took offense at something like that I’d take my business elsewhere. That’s simply not proper customer service in the food industry. Uh, no. The butter isn’t added to the recipe-it is _part_ of the recipe. It would be like asking the chef to prepare the food according to your recipe instead of his. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/46 "2011-05-05T20:40:45Z")
I voted asshole. OK, the restaurant ruined his evening. But for some reason he had to make sure that it was ruined for everyone else at his table too (and probably for people at nearby tables too), with his assholish behavior. He should have stepped away from the table and been an ass hole to the manager in private. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/47 "2011-05-05T20:44:58Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > I haven’t read the original thread, but “asshole” would be a little strong here. “Short”, perhaps, or “ill-tempered”. That’s what I was thinking. Yeah, it’s a bit jerkish. But asshole would be intentionally jumping on them. You say you snapped. That implies that it is accidental. And, similarly, I haven’t read the original thread. As for the other debate in this thread: the chef has no rights in this. If the manager allows the waitstaff to accept custom orders, then the chef has to prepare them. He does not get discretion. When the customer does not eat his food, he has just cost the manager money. And, if this weren’t the case, and the chef does have control, then he is required to let them know that he will not prepare what they want. How the heck does he know the person isn’t allergic? And, frankly, I have a lot more appreciation for a chef that can modify his recipes to accommodate people’s tastes. It is beyond arrogance to think you can cook something that every person will enjoy. Any shmuck can follow a recipe. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/48 "2011-05-05T20:45:34Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > Under no circumstances would I resort to snark if I was unhappy with my food, the service, or both. I simply wouldn’t return. > > I vote asshole. This. What you do is smile, have a good time, and if they’re interrupting you too often inform one member of waitstaff of this fact, explain calmly that the answer is “no our meal is not fine however we don’t wish for you to try to do anything else to fix it, and please stop asking,” and ask them to relay this to everyone else. Then just don’t go back if you think it’s likely to happen there again. If getting the wrong food on your order makes it impossible for you to have a good time, the problem is with you. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/49 "2011-05-05T20:45:56Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Uh, no. The butter isn’t added to the recipe-it is _part_ of the recipe. It would be like asking the chef to prepare the food according to your recipe instead of his. I disagree. With heart conditions and diabetes, many people have perfectly valid reasons to pass on the butter (and to order broccoli vs. broccoli casserole). If the patron is okay skipping it, then the chef should be okay, too. Besides, at Ruth’s Chris, the chef isn’t creating his own recipes so he shouldn’t be emotionally attached to them, anyway. The customer may or may not have been assholish, depending on his tone. However, the waiter screwed up and should have acknowledged his screw ups. Upon realizing his/the kitchen’s second mistake, he should have called the manager over to offer up some sort of remedy – at least a free drink or a complimentary dessert – instead of waiting for the customer to demand it. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/50 "2011-05-05T20:46:11Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Uh, no. The butter isn’t added to the recipe-it is _part_ of the recipe. It would be like asking the chef to prepare the food according to your recipe instead of his. And if that order is accepted, he’d better do it. My dinner is not about the chef and coddling his insecurities about his food. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/51 "2011-05-05T20:52:39Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > From another thread in Cafe. > > Simple question. Do you think this individual sounds like an asshole customer or a reasonable customer as he describes his own encounter? > > I’m not asking if he was justified in being unhappy with his food and sending it back. I’m only asking if the way he dealt with the staff was assholish. Did you forget to mention that customer in question is an SDMB poster? If you want to pit a poster, do it in The BBQ Pit. Closing thread. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855/52 "2011-05-05T20:59:56Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Not an asshole. I don’t see anything he said was abusive or over the top. He planned a nice evening and was prepared to spend the money that should deliver it. The restaurant screwed up repeatedly, and then didn’t handle it properly afterward, although they were clearly trying to do the right thing. There’s a difference between being upset and being an asshole, and this didn’t cross the line. I think that if someone is going to a place that charges that amount of money, then the diner(s) have a right to expect an excellent experience, and that includes getting the order RIGHT the first time. The waiters who work at these places are generally very, very good. They know exactly what is in each dish, and how each dish is prepared, and what wine would go well. And they’ll be happy to tell you. If a dish is wrong, they consider it a personal failure. > [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > $150 for two people implies that it’s a fairly high-end restaurant. It’s not McDonald’s, where you say “hold the mayo” and they hold the mayo. This isn’t assembly-line food. You don’t say “hold the butter” if the steak is prepared with butter. The steak is prepared with butter because the chef designed it that way. You don’t tell him that his recipe and methods are wrong. You order something you like instead. It would be like ordering the tuna tartare and saying “I want the tuna cooked”. I don’t make a frequent habit of going to high end restaurants, but I do go occasionally. And in every one, there’s a little note on the menu saying that if the diner has questions or special requests, that the chef would be more than happy to discuss these issues. Yes, it ISN’T assembly line food. And the chef/owner at Ruffino’s or Bonnelle’s will come out and talk to me, and recommend things to me, and he will accept my limitations as a challenge for him to come up with something tasty. Of course, this isn’t a chain, and the chef is RIGHT THERE, and willing to work to keep a paying customer. Maybe they think I’m white trash with money. But they act like they’re delighted to come up with something that I can eat, and enjoy, and not have to suffer afterwards. And if I want the meat from one plate and the veggies from another, they’ll do that, happily. Different people have different tastes, and just because the chef loves black pepper doesn’t mean that he won’t leave it off a steak, if I request it. Now, if the steak has been marinated in something that has pepper in it, then I accept the fact that I won’t be able to eat that steak, and there’s nothing the chef can do about it now. I have been assured, though, that if I wish to let the restaurant know a day ahead of time, they will set a steak aside for me and not marinate it. This information was volunteered, I didn’t ask. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-customer-an-asshole/580855.md?page=2)