# Is this flirty joke offensive or just dorky? \[Said to a black lady\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2015, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596 "2015-02-02T12:33:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/41 "2015-02-03T13:24:12Z")
The exchange is obviously fine between friends. I would keep sexual and racial banter, however well-intentioned, outside of the office, however. Not out of fear, but more out of a desire to keep the office a fairly neutral place. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/42 "2015-02-03T14:03:02Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > We have an attractive black girl at work who’s nickname is “hot chocolate”. I notice black people among themselves, tend to be pretty relaxed when it comes to sexually laced banter. > > However unless your black yourself or in good with them I’d be careful about saying it. SOME black people are relaxed about sexual banter. Not all. I’ll make dirty jokes in appropriate contexts, while my oldest brother is a terrible prude who once took me to task for saying the word fuck in my own home. My work wife is terribly flirty (outside of work), while my baby sister is very reserved. Et cetera. Black people are not all of a piece, any more than white folks. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/43 "2015-02-03T14:05:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > SOME black people are relaxed about sexual banter. Not all. I’ll make dirty jokes in appropriate contexts, while my oldest brother is a terrible prude who once took me to task for saying the word fuck in my own home. My work wife is terribly flirty (outside of work), while my baby sister is very reserved. Et cetera. > > Black people are not all of a piece, any more than white folks. What’s a “work wife”? ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/44 "2015-02-03T14:09:24Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Sounds like a joke between friends. > > I would wager anyone who found it offensive is really, really, really, really lame. I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/45 "2015-02-03T14:39:11Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > What’s a “work wife”? My best friend and closest co-worker. We spend so much time together on the job that we might seem to be married there, and she’s been charged by my actual wife to slap any candy bar out of my hands. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/46 "2015-02-03T14:52:31Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > My best friend and closest co-worker. We spend so much time together on the job that we might seem to be married there, and she’s been charged by my actual wife to slap any candy bar out of my hands. Once upon a time, I was in a “Gay Marriage” at work. I was telling my then wife (Real wife) about my coworker I go to lunch with. The deal was, one day I would pick the place to eat and the next day he would pick the place to eat. On a day it was my turn to pick, he asked me shortly before lunch: Him: Where you want to go today? Me: I don’t care, you go ahead and pick. Him: McDonald’s? Me: Nah Him: KFC? Me: Nah Him: Long John Silvers? Me: Nah Him: I thought you said you didn’t care? Me: I don’t, I just don’t want to go to those places. Him: [Rollseyes and walks away] Upon telling my wife this, she said: "OMG! You work wife is a dude! We shared a good laugh over that. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2015, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/47 "2015-02-03T16:02:14Z")
> [@Boogly](#): > > You should have answered: > I like my woman like I like my coffee… > > ground up and in the freezer. That’s one of my favorite jokes, but I restrain myself from using it at work, lest I be seen as even weirder than they already think! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/48 "2015-02-04T23:30:10Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I know, I know, if ya have to ask, the general rule of thumb is “it’s offensive”. Indulge me if you will… > > This was said by me, to a girl in a group of three. (2 Black, 1 white) Standing with me is another white guy. > > Me: Hey Jane, what’s that you got there? [She was holding a box in her arms.] > > Jane: A box of chocolates. Do you want one? Are you a _chocolate_ lover Shakes? > > Me: Yes of course! I love anything sweet and brown. [I then give her a knowing wink] > > [Jane and the other two girls in the group laugh. They also assure me of my dorkiness.] > > Jane and the other girls walk off. My friend that was with me just sort of raises his eyebrows as he gives me a wincing look. He then does an about face and goes along his way. > > So whaddya say? Out of line? Funny? Or just plain dorky? > > If it makes a difference, me and said girl flirt all the time. (Although we never actually mean anything by it. We messing with each other.) If the girl was offended, it was offensive. If not, it wasn’t. Mystery solved. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2015, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/49 "2015-02-04T23:33:55Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Would you say the same about a woman with large breasts? Women with large breasts are NEVER a problem. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/50 "2015-02-05T03:18:47Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > If the girl was offended, it was offensive. If not, it wasn’t. Mystery solved. Sorry, it’s just not true in the workplace. I have an expectation to not hear sexual or race-based comments at work even if I am not the person on the receiving end. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/51 "2015-02-05T03:54:26Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sorry, it’s just not true in the workplace. I have an expectation to not hear sexual or race-based comments at work even if I am not the person on the receiving end. You’re boring ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/52 "2015-02-05T04:08:06Z")
I had an almost identical situation recently. I was in line at the grocery store, and the guy ahead of me was taking forever. So I turned around, partly to hide my annoyance, and partly to share an eye-roll with whoever was behind me. It was a rather pretty black woman. Her purchase, on the belt, was three sacks of brown sugar. With the lightning brain power for which I am famed, I realized that anything I said, anything at all, was going to get me into deep trouble. I turned back around. ---
**Author:** ![straight\_doped](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@straight\_doped](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/straight_doped)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/53 "2015-02-05T04:41:55Z")
the more important question is did you get any chocolate? ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/54 "2015-02-05T05:05:36Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I had an almost identical situation recently. I was in line at the grocery store, and the guy ahead of me was taking forever. So I turned around, partly to hide my annoyance, and partly to share an eye-roll with whoever was behind me. > > It was a rather pretty black woman. > > Her purchase, on the belt, was three sacks of brown sugar. > > With the lightning brain power for which I am famed, I realized that anything I said, anything at all, was going to get me into deep trouble. > > I turned back around. You didn’t ask her how come she looked so good? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/55 "2015-02-05T05:16:42Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > You’re boring At work, yes. OK, everywhere else too. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/56 "2015-02-05T14:36:50Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > If it makes a difference, me and said girl flirt all the time. (Although we never actually mean anything by it. We messing with each other.) Before I read this part, I assumed you two had a comfortable enough relationship where this type of joke was fine. Given this is common behavior between you two, this is a no-brainer. I’ve done both many times (telling the joke, as well as the subject), and it’s nothing to be offended by if everyone is on the same page. I’d definitely be more careful in a work environment (people being people), but if we’re out to lunch or something more casual, it’s fair game. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2015, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/57 "2015-02-05T14:49:52Z")
> [@straight\_doped](#): > > the more important question is did you get any chocolate? Yes I did, you think a good flirt like that would go unrewarded? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2015, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/58 "2015-02-06T06:53:55Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Sorry, it’s just not true in the workplace. I have an expectation to not hear sexual or race-based comments at work even if I am not the person on the receiving end. Sorry, I have a right to expect that anybody who was offended at the OPs work site has a responsibility to be on that work site. In short, just because you don’t approve of it at your workplace, doesn’t mean that the OP did wrong. He could work at a place that is free to make this kind of humor with no objections. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/59 "2015-02-08T00:16:28Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > But there are all kinds of things that aren’t acceptable in the workplace – it’s not making the whole world sadder. Yeah, it’s making it stupider and annoyinger. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2015, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596/60 "2015-02-08T04:07:23Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Yeah, it’s making it stupider and annoyinger. That’s what the money is for. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-flirty-joke-offensive-or-just-dorky-said-to-a-black-lady/711596.md?page=2)