# Is This Friendship Over? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 25, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511 "2013-07-25T18:49:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/21 "2013-07-26T15:04:51Z")
Well to me it never sounds like you were “friends”. More like close acquaintances. Just because FB calls it “friends” doesn’t mean it’s a real friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3be4f8/32.png) [@Obnoxious\_Hood\_Ornament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obnoxious_Hood_Ornament)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/22 "2013-07-26T15:26:42Z")
Politely suggest that his rambling belongs somewhere not attached to your public profile, and be done with it. If he persists, I presume you can control who posts what. Lock him out. > [@](#): > > I am a progressive, anti-racist, social-justice oriented person If you were truly progressive, you’d at least entertain his train(s) of thought for a while. Thinking “inside the box” gets you nowhere. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/23 "2013-07-26T15:36:29Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I think the issue is that my husband is a psychologist and I’m crazy so we both can’t help but see things in terms of mental health. My husband thinks he may be Bipolar (Type II.) There’s lots of people who are bipolar who aren’t assholes. If he is aware he is being a troll and does it anyway, that’s not a mental disease, that’s just being an asshole. And even if it is a mental disease that’s causing him to behave this way, that still doesn’t obligate you to remain his friend. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/24 "2013-07-26T15:37:25Z")
He started out as a friend of your boyfriend’s roommate. That’s not even a FoaF, that’s a 3rd degree connection. And it sounds to me like your hubby deals with troublesome people professionally and has the professional detachment to not let them get under his skin. That’s his job. It’s not yours. I’d unfriend the fellow. If you want, you can give him a final warning. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/25 "2013-07-26T17:38:05Z")
My cousin and I got into it about a year ago. She was sending me some really fucked up emails that made me wonder if she’s crazier than me, and that’s saying a lot. When I called her hand on it she unfriended me on Facebook and I didn’t hear from her anymore at all. That was okay with me, though I’m pretty sure she bad-mouthed me to the rest of the family on Facebook because of some things that came up. A few weeks ago she sent me a Friend Request. I debated on what to do and decided that “Friending” her back gave the matter less impact that not doing it, which could have fueled more fall out. Within a few days she was commenting on nearly everything I posted, making me wonder if her own page was that boring and how did she find the time? She began arguing with my friends about their comments to my posts. Then she started posting inflammatory stuff on my wall. I thought I changed the settings so she couldn’t do that anymore but I guess not because it continued. The morning I woke up and got on Facebook right away to delete her latest spewings, I unfriended her. So far, no emails. And the rest of the family hasn’t asked about it. I’m being vewy, vewy quiet. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/26 "2013-07-26T17:38:50Z")
> [@Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](#): > > No kidding. I’m seriously baffled why anyone would maintain a relationship with someone who spoke that way about them or their spouse. We were 19 years old. I was also severely depressed so I honestly didn’t give a shit about anything or take his comment seriously at all. Some shit you just put up with from certain people, and we’ve both put up with a lot of his shit for a long time. I don’t have an excuse, that’s just what happened. Also, when it comes to other people in general, I can tolerate a lot. I try not to be too judgmental and will give people like a million chances. I am going to talk to him, explain the problem as I see it and inform him that anything else like that he says on my Facebook will be deleted. And also, that if he feels a compelling need to say something outrageous just PM me. My husband is going to call him and have a frank discussion about his need for a mental health diagnosis. He isn’t a bad person. He’s actually kind of a good person in certain ways. If a troll is all he was, I wouldn’t be feeling conflicted about this. I appreciate everyone’s input. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/27 "2013-07-26T17:51:40Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > … morally questionable. Oh, and misogynistic. He is incredibly misogynistic. … lately he’s been talking about marrying a Japanese woman because ‘‘they are more subservient.’’ … he’s been saying some racist, sexist, crazy fucking shit lately… > [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > … He’s actually kind of a good person in certain ways… I’m just gonna leave those two snippets right next to each other, and back on out. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/28 "2013-07-26T17:58:30Z")
I have a very simple “friends” policy. Suffer no fools. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/29 "2013-07-26T18:10:15Z")
All right, I sent him this: > [@](#): > > Hi **Nostalgia Troll**. So this is the deal. I can’t have you saying weird racist/sexist/socially offensive things on my Facebook page. I actually have a reputation to uphold and I would hate for anyone to think I shared your views. So, the next time it happens, I’m going to delete the comment. I’m deleting the infanticide comments too. I don’t like deleting comments but considering this could very well affect my career and I am currently looking for a job, I gotta. If you feel a compelling need to talk about something ridiculous, you can PM me. To be frank, if you were anyone else I would have blocked your ass a long time ago. > > I think it might be a good idea to think long and hard about what I am saying and how you come across to other people. People are only going to tolerate it for so long.\*\* Sr. Weasel \*\*and I are both very concerned about your mental health, since Japan you have seemed very lost to me. I understand the struggle for identity but whatever path you’re going down right now, it’s not a good one. And honestly, as far as the stereotyping, racism and misogyny, you have no excuse. You are intelligent enough to know better. > > I’ve always felt I could be 100% honest with you, so there it is. Take care. This feels right to me. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/30 "2013-07-26T18:12:32Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I’m just gonna leave those two snippets right next to each other, and back on out. Nobody is just one thing. We all have inner conflicts. That’s what makes us humans. SpiceWeasel has these conflicts. The way she deals with them makes her a really good human. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/31 "2013-07-26T18:13:39Z")
I think that friends are usually friends in certain ways but not all ways. That is, it is fine to enjoy some side of a person without enjoying everything about them. Likewise trust, time spent, how you present them to other friends, and all the rest go likewise. With this in mind, it’s really your choice how to function as friends with this man, if at all. But I agree with earlier posters that you should disconnect him from your online presence. I don’t know much about Facebook, but turn off whatever switch lets him post comments to your online pages or whatever they are. By your description he does not speak for you; quite the opposite. Don’t ever be his podium, given that what he says is crazy, obnoxious and even hurtful. P.S. missed the window, but, yes. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511/32 "2013-07-26T18:38:32Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > And also, that if he feels a compelling need to say something outrageous just PM me. Huh. Nothing you’ve said about him thus far gives me the slightest confidence that he has enough respect for you, or self-control in general, to comply with this. It’s not your job to save him. Especially since he seems utterly uninterested in saving himself. You don’t have the power to change him; you can only deal with him _as he is._ Not as some (im)possible future version of him might be. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-friendship-over/664511.md?page=1)