# Is this guy an ass or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 8, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248 "2007-05-08T15:04:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/121 "2007-05-10T02:56:18Z")
[QUOTE=Dolores Reborn] Nobody would have thought anything bad about him going in the ladies’. [/QUOTE] Delores, even though you’re probably right about this, it’s still an assumption you’re making - there’s a chance, however slight, that you could be wrong. It’s a question of risks versus rewards. If the guy weighs the potential consequences of being accused of inappropriate behavior, versus the rewards gained from killing a bug, it’s easy to see why he might reasonably be reluctant to enter the women’s restroom. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/122 "2007-05-10T08:55:18Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Valid question, Scrappy . My unabashed (though sure to be reviled) answer is that I do sometimes look to “the men folk” to be braver or more capable in some situations. I’ve never really thought about it; it just has always been. I guess I can see how that could end up being a burden to men; I’d never considered it before. I’m cool with acting in a gender-appropriate way when you would like me to. But you must accept that I will also act in a gender-appropriate way when _I_ would like me to. This doesn’t go down well all the time, but eh, more often than you might think. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/123 "2007-05-10T09:58:55Z")
[QUOTE=Dolores Reborn] Yep! … [/QUOTE] That guy? If _my_ memory’s working, you described him as suffering from fairly severe interpersonal clumsiness and (for lack of a better term) “emotional intelligence quotient” deficiencies as well. Not that it applies to the present instance, except that: Is it plausible that he has been burned so often by his own inappropriate behavior and inability to read other people that simple maxims like “_Don’t_ go in the Ladies’ Room!” take on exceptional importance? That having experienced the consequences of shattering some social rules, he doesn’t trust the idea that it’s okay to bend others a little if occasion requires? That once or oftener he has been baited into situations that led to humiliation or punishment (no, _you_ wouldn’t do this, and I doubt if he thinks you would, but that may not be enough to overcome a hard-earned caution)? My vote: no asses here. Not you, not him. Well, maybe me, but that’s chronic. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/124 "2007-05-10T13:20:37Z")
I don’t think he was being an ass at all. And my god, that ‘help the fair damsel in distress’ thing really chaps my ass. You want to be thought of as an equal, not a weaker-than-men little girl who belongs at home while the men-types go out and take care of the heavy lifting? Then act like one. As for all those women who want to tear down gender roles and insist on being seen as equals unless it benefits them to play the victim, this is the behavior that in general bothers me the most about my own gender: Kill your own bugs. I don’t give a damn what kind of shoes you’re wearing. Hike your panties up and stop acting like some fainting-couch-needing romance-novel-living girly girl when it’s to your advantage to do so. I hate seeing a woman, any woman, who wants all the advantages of being treated like she’s equal to a man turn on that ‘protect the princess’ crap as soon as being an equal might mean getting a little dirt on her manicured hands. Hypocrisy is ugly. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/125 "2007-05-10T14:06:27Z")
[QUOTE=The King of Soup] If _my_ memory’s working, you described him as suffering from fairly severe interpersonal clumsiness and (for lack of a better term) “emotional intelligence quotient” deficiencies as well. Not that it applies to the present instance, except that: Is it plausible that he has been burned so often by his own inappropriate behavior and inability to read other people that simple maxims like “_Don’t_ go in the Ladies’ Room!” take on exceptional importance? That having experienced the consequences of shattering some social rules, he doesn’t trust the idea that it’s okay to bend others a little if occasion requires? [/QUOTE] That sounds a fair amount like low-level autism or possibly Aspergers. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/126 "2007-05-10T14:09:10Z")
[QUOTE=Dolores Reborn] Yep! You have a long memory. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to, and maybe why I think he’s an ass. [/QUOTE] I remember that because it was such a trainwreck of a flamefest (mostly directed at me). For the record, I think you were wrong then, and I think you’re wrong now. From the little clues I’ve gotten from both threads, it looks like you feel perfectly fine taking advantage of this guy in whatever way suits your selfish needs. You need to stop. The guy is not an ass simply because he refuses to be your doormat. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/127 "2007-05-10T16:41:46Z")
[QUOTE=catsix] I don’t think he was being an ass at all. And my god, that ‘help the fair damsel in distress’ thing really chaps my ass. You want to be thought of as an equal, not a weaker-than-men little girl who belongs at home while the men-types go out and take care of the heavy lifting? Then act like one. As for all those women who want to tear down gender roles and insist on being seen as equals unless it benefits them to play the victim, this is the behavior that in general bothers me the most about my own gender: Kill your own bugs. I don’t give a damn what kind of shoes you’re wearing. Hike your panties up and stop acting like some fainting-couch-needing romance-novel-living girly girl when it’s to your advantage to do so. I hate seeing a woman, any woman, who wants all the advantages of being treated like she’s equal to a man turn on that ‘protect the princess’ crap as soon as being an equal might mean getting a little dirt on her manicured hands. Hypocrisy is ugly. [/QUOTE] I don’t think I’ve ever agreed with you more. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/128 "2007-05-10T16:43:40Z")
[QUOTE=Rick] You wanted equality? You got. Go smash your own bugs. 34-10 [/QUOTE] Ain’t got. Not yet. Getting there, though (it’s taking longer than we thought). ETA: I don’t think I voted on the ass or not yet - my vote is not an ass. ---
**Author:** ![Merkwurdigliebe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@Merkwurdigliebe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merkwurdigliebe)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/129 "2007-05-10T16:51:44Z")
Maybe you pissed him off with your sense of frantic hysteria over a bug? I can imagine that could be a reason he didn’t want to do it. Seriously, if I felt that a chick was being overly hysterical and ridiculous over squashing a bug, I’d probably say no to be spiteful. Act like a grownup. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/130 "2007-05-10T18:05:29Z")
[QUOTE=Merkwurdigliebe] …I’d probably say no to be spiteful. Act like a grownup. [/QUOTE] :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/131 "2007-05-10T22:24:21Z")
[QUOTE=11811] I’ll agree with the posters who note that there still seem to be “male” roles in the workplace while there are no longer “female” roles. [/QUOTE] As long as there’s coffee in the workplace, there’ll always be something for a chick to do… :d&r: ---
**Author:** ![essell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/34f0e0/32.png) [@essell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/essell)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/132 "2007-05-10T22:46:30Z")
I’d take on the role asked of me in that situation. squish the bug and look dam proud afterward. if there were no females watching I’d ignore the bug or run away depending on it’s actions. But was the Guy an ass? No. He probably thought it was two or three wimin trying to lure him into the bathroom to play out a bad porn scene. Chika Chika Bow Wow But you never figured out that he’s Gay. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2007, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/133 "2007-05-10T23:15:59Z")
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**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2007, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/134 "2007-05-11T02:36:51Z")
Not an ass. I gotta say you come out looking more like an ass for thinking hes an ass for refusing to do what you yourself wouldn’t do. How would you like it if someone called you an ass for refusing to make coffee like a good girl is supposed too? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2007, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/135 "2007-05-11T02:43:49Z")
That’s what I don’t get. What man would even think of posting an OP that read: “I’m male, and there was no coffee in the breakroom today. So I stepped out (grumbled and ran out) and grabbed the nearest gal to come in and make some. She said no! Said, “Making coffee is not in my job description!” What a bitch. So I found another woman to do it. She was reluctant also, but jeez. Don’t ya want to be the cute chick who makes coffee for the guys? I admit I’m a lazy sod when it comes to coffee, but she was insulted by my asking!” Dopers would respond about the same way they responded to the guy who didn’t like to “do dishes and other woman work.” So why should the reverse get a pass? ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2007, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/136 "2007-05-11T02:45:45Z")
A luckless lizard died in my new sprayer. Bless my husbands heart, he spent about 20 min trying to free the compressed carcass. I am all sorts of grateful for his kindness, although I most certainly would have understood him throwing it away. He’s my hero! ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/137 "2007-05-22T02:00:51Z")
I don’t think he’s an ass, nor do I think he was afraid of bugs. I just think he just didn’t want to do it. Honestly, if some woman came up to me frantic over killing a bug, I would have told her ‘no’ also. She needs to quit being stupid and kill the damn thing herself. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248/138 "2007-05-22T13:14:55Z")
IIRC, didn’t Woody Allen kill a spider for Diane Keaton in the movie “Annie Hall” despite being terrified? He wanted to sleep with her, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-guy-an-ass-or-not/403248.md?page=6)