# Is this "high maintanance"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 13, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450 "2002-04-13T17:16:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/41 "2002-04-15T02:29:09Z")
High maintenance and petty. my run-in with a high maintenance girl: Yesterday, I was supposed to have dinner with two people, a girl and a guy. We were in two separate cars, and none of us knew where we were going. I led in my car, got us downtown without getting lost, and found parking spaces close together for a minimal cost (a magnificent feat). We got into the spaces, I got out of my car, and she rolled her window down and said, “I can’t walk. I’m wearing heels. I didn’t know we were going to have to walk.” I then told her I was staying and would eat by myself, and the two of them could go elsewhere. What the fuck do you mean you didn’t know we were going to have to walk? Do you understand the concept of a downtown area? Besides, the parking lot was NOT that far from the restaurant, fifty feet maybe. Of course, what I did was kind of mean since I was the one who knew how to get to the ballfield where we were going afterward. I got there a full hour before them. I’m sure they got lost. I didn’t care though. I dressed appropriately. I’m not going to cater to her just because she didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/42 "2002-04-15T03:33:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > > > [@](#): > > > > - Originally posted by Nacho4Sara \* > > > > Girls like that give the rest of us a bad name. What a bunch of bullshit game-playing > > \*\* > Hear hear! I’ve just upgraded you from “friend” to “future mother of my children.” \*\* I wanna see you pull this off… ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/43 "2002-04-15T04:27:10Z")
B]ruadh\*\*, I’m blushing! :o ---
**Author:** ![LolaBaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@LolaBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaBaby)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/44 "2002-04-15T07:29:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by !ceQueen \* > \*\* > > You people have no idea about the _shoes_ girls sometimes wear. Walking in the rain in stillettos with three heavy bags is a PAIN. > > \*\* Well BOO HOO. :rolleyes: Women have a **choice** what to wear when shopping, or doing ANYTHING for that matter. Let me tell you, stilettos are not first on my list. No one forced her to wear it. If it was really heavy stuff, most intelligent people would have enough brains to use that ingenious invention, the shopping cart. Yes, she is high maintenance, and don’t even bother book marking this thread. I wouldn’t date a chick like that if I was a guy. Women like that give other women a bad name. :wally ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/45 "2002-04-15T08:01:05Z")
My gosh, what a complete passive-aggressive pain in the ass. If you say that she is not “usually” like this, then I think EasyPhil is right - there’s something about _this_ particular guy that got her all upset. She has certain (romantic) expectations about him, or something. She’s getting all melodramatic about something minor. Whatever it is, she’s seriously weird. To “expect” that someone can read your fricking mind like that is just bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/46 "2002-04-15T11:51:32Z")
I don’t think this is a guy/girl thing. I’d offer anyone a lift if it was raining, or if they were carrying heavy things. Or even - if it was a bit of a walk for them - if they weren’t. To me it’s common human courtesy/basic decency. The guy obviously did not have this. The “friend-\>acquaintance” thing is a bit freaky, but if a good friend of mine left me standing in the rain I’d wonder why. Maybe they were spaced out/forgetful/in a rush, who knows? I wouldn’t make a list about it. And I don’t get why this girl is “high-maintenance” - she may have **high expectations** but high maintenance suggests someone that would need to be chauffered back to her car in a gold-plated limo. Or get her chauffeur to do the shopping in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/47 "2002-04-15T11:56:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shrew \* > \*\*What the fuck do you mean you didn’t know we were going to have to walk? Do you understand the concept of a downtown area? Besides, the parking lot was NOT that far from the restaurant, fifty feet maybe. > > Of course, what I did was kind of mean since I was the one who knew how to get to the ballfield where we were going afterward. I got there a full hour before them. I’m sure they got lost. I didn’t care though. I dressed appropriately. I’m not going to cater to her just because she didn’t. \*\* It’s this kind of behavior that, like **Nacho4Sara** said, gives the rest of us a bad name. She was going downtown to eat and then to a ball game and she was wearing HEELS?!? No way. That calls for sandals or tennis shoes. How did she think she was going to get through a stadium in heels? I always laugh when I see a group of people walking along, with some woman tottering along in heels ten feet behind them asking them to wait for her, because, “I’m wearing heels!” I’ve learned through the years that the “I can’t walk, I’m wearing heels” women just aren’t worth it as friends, and from what I’ve seen, as SOs, either. There are a lot of underlying issues there. Kinsey, who wears pretty much nothing but sandals and tennis shoes. ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/48 "2002-04-15T12:34:33Z")
I agree with those who think it’s not the act or omission thereof, it’s the attitude of the girl in question. I have known at least one woman who would state what act of chivalry she thought I should perform in whatever situation. It was a huge component of why she and I are no longer friends. Having said that, I am finding I need to step out on those things a little more by expecting them of myself. That kind of thoughtfulness must be internalized, not imposed. I’m finding I really want to be that kind of guy, at least in some situations. ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/49 "2002-04-15T12:48:50Z")
> [@](#): > > ]Kinsey, who wears pretty much nothing but sandals and tennis shoes. Yeah me too! I learned my lesson last summer when I was teetering up Charles Street heading for a club in (not-so-high) high heels, and it occurred to me that if someone decided to chase me or attack me right then and there, I would have no chance. I have no doubt in my ability to kick major ass in most situations, but heels, to me, are the Westernized version of Chinese foot-binding, and I was effectively crippled by them. Right now they are in my trunk and I have no desire to ever wear them again, regardless of how they make my calves look and Carrie Bradshaw be damned. Personally, I wouldn’t call this girl “high maintanance,” but she is (as others have said) passive-aggressive. In my book, if you want something, you ask for it or shut up. I’d really like to know what kind of world this girl lives in that she walks around expecting people to cater to her every desire. I occasionally become irritated when someone forgets to say “thank you” for something I did, but I either address it or move on. I don’t “downgrade” people for such silly violations. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/50 "2002-04-15T13:13:02Z")
Oh my god, I was like, at the store, and I was talking to this real cute guy. Well, he was not that cute as I was to find out… Anyway, he could SEE I had generic stuff in my cart, and he never even offered to give me money so I could buy brand name goods! And he could see I was wearing, like, these beat up old sneakers, so the very least he could have done is whisk me off to a nice boutique in town and buy me that pair of Manolos I’ve been dreaming of! So I kicked him right to the kerb. Cute guy, my ass. I had to eat generic cheese because of this guy! Can you believe it? Do I look like that sort of girl? And he had the money right there in his wallet!!! Gah! I can’t believe how inconsiderate men are. (If you spotted the sarcasm, you can have a juicy prune) ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/51 "2002-04-15T14:37:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nacho4Sara \* > \*\*…but heels, to me, are the Westernized version of Chinese foot-binding, and I was effectively crippled by them. Right now they are in my trunk and I have no desire to ever wear them again, regardless of how they make my calves look and Carrie Bradshaw be damned. \*\* ROFL! 😃 (hijack…I liked the one episode from last season when she was adding up the cost of her shoes…“Let’s see, 100 pairs of $400 shoes, that’s only 4,000, right?" and Miranda had to correct her, "No, that's **40** ,000!” :eek: > [@](#): > > \*\*istara said: > I don’t think this is a guy/girl thing. I’d offer anyone a lift if it was raining, or if they were carrying heavy things. Or even - if it was a bit of a walk for them - if they weren’t. To me it’s common human courtesy/basic decency. The guy obviously did not have this. \*\*I think if she had said she was walking **home** , he would have offered her a ride. But since he knew her car was right there in the parking lot, why should he offer to drive her to her car? Is she that lazy that she can’t walk to her car? If I met a friend in a parking lot and knew they had a long way to walk, yes, of course I would offer to give them a ride. But to drive them to their car right in the parking lot? That’s ridiculous. It’s more work to get into someone else’s car, load up your groceries, then get back out and get your groceries, then get into your own car and reload your groceries. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/52 "2002-04-15T15:56:23Z")
Nacho4Sara, you got three bags, how do you hold your umbrella too? There was a time in history that women played the role that they ‘needed’ a guy for certain things. Then the 60s came along & women wanted to be independent & do for themselves. That’s why men are so confused these days, they don’t know which way women want to be, independent or needy. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/53 "2002-04-15T16:07:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tansu \* > \*\*(If you spotted the sarcasm, you can have a juicy prune) \*\* A _prune_??? Is that it? See if I buy you any name-brand goods next time I bump into _you_ in the grocery store! ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/54 "2002-04-15T20:20:07Z")
**Ender** , did she actually say she had “downgraded him from a friend to an acquaintance,” or did she just say something along the lines of “and then I met a friend, so-and-so, an acquaintance, really.” Because if it’s the first, then she’s petty and bitchy in addition to being high maintanance. But if it’s the latter, well I do that sort of thing all the time. Because it helps clarify our relationship when I’m describing them to a third party. “Friend” is more someone I regularly hang out with. An “acquaintance” is someone who maybe used to be a friend, and I’ll chat with if I run into them, but I don’t regularly schedule activities with. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/55 "2002-04-15T21:40:25Z")
**easy e** , from the OP: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enderw24 \* > **She said she bumped him down from friend to acquaintance because of this. I’m pretty sure she was serious.** Yes, it sounds like she has a little black book with tick marks next to everyone’s names, “He’s an acquaintance, she’s a friend, he’s a good friend, she’s a best friend…” and so on. :rolleyes: Maybe “Best Friends” get little gold stars next to their names. Like I said before, _childish junior-high school type behavior_. It reminds me of those hurtful anonymous notebooks the girls used to send around in 7th grade. "Who’s your best friend? Who do you hate? Who has B.O.? Who is prettiest? Who is fat? Who is ugly?"and on and on. **Grading** your levels of friendship? And to downgrade someone over not giving you a freaking ride to your car? Sorry, not enough roll-eyes smilies to express my sarcasm. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/56 "2002-04-16T00:04:33Z")
Yeah. Pretty much the first. She said “friend” and then corrected to “acquaintance.” She did it because she says she downgraded him. I have absolutely no idea whether she was serious or not. She sounded serious at the time, but this attitude of entitlement over a simple ride to a car caught me so off guard. It really isn’t like her. Who knows, maybe it was all just an elaborate test to see how I would react. I didn’t. I think I failed. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![Joyfulgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f04885/32.png) [@Joyfulgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joyfulgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/57 "2002-04-16T04:02:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\*My gosh, what a complete passive-aggressive pain in the ass. > > If you say that she is not “usually” like this, then I think EasyPhil is right - there’s something about _this_ particular guy that got her all upset. She has certain (romantic) expectations about him, or something. She’s getting all melodramatic about something minor. > > \ \*\* Another possibility is that he did something to offend her, and she was too embarrassed to admit what it was so she made up the rain thing. For instance, say he commented on how she’d gained weight, or how terrible she looked. Rather than repeat the insulting comment and be embarrassed by it all over again, she just makes up a slight to account for her being pissed off at the guy. My sister used to do this all the time, and it drove me nuts trying to figure out what people had _really_ done. Or maybe she really is that shallow. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iconoplast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3d9bf3/32.png) [@iconoplast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iconoplast)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/58 "2002-04-16T04:04:46Z")
Wooo! Prunes! Oh boy! I’m very wary of the term “high-maintenance” in general. Perhaps “in possesion of an overblown sense of self-importance” but I won’t even make that judgement since you said this was out of character for this woman. Maybe there’s something in their interaction that she didn’t mention that would make this make more sense. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/59 "2002-04-16T14:58:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Kinsey, who wears pretty much nothing but sandals and tennis shoes. Wow! Where I live, you get arrested for wearing nothing but sandals and tennis shoes! I knew we Americans were relatively uptight about nudity, but still… ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450/60 "2002-04-16T17:51:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DanielWithrow \* > \*\*Wow! Where I live, you get arrested for wearing nothing but sandals and tennis shoes! I knew we Americans were relatively uptight about nudity, but still… \*\* 😛 Smart-ass. You know what I meant. (I’m also not one of those fashion queens who spends 3 hours doing her hair and makeup and making sure every last thing is accessorized correctly and then cries over a broken nail…minimal makeup, simple hair, very low maintenance - that’s me) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-high-maintanance/103450.md?page=4)