# Is this parent over-protective? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 26, 2011, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269 "2011-05-26T11:48:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RedBloom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dbc845/32.png) [@RedBloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedBloom)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/21 "2011-05-26T15:10:42Z")
I think it was a pretty considerate move on their part. I’d be mortified if that happened to one of my kids, and it’d prompt me to take measures to warn others. Also, I hit a pedestrian back in college, I looked both ways and apparently missed her, pulled out and she went flying forward. It terrified me (and her), and to this day, I have always been hyper-vigilant about making sure nobody is in my path when pulling out/backing up. Fear will do that to you. You don’t forget things that scared the crap out of you. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/22 "2011-05-26T15:23:12Z")
I often need to be reminded not to drive over people with my car. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/23 "2011-05-26T15:28:06Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > I don’t follow. You said the kid was responsible for “failing to be careful.” You also said the parents are responsible because they failed to “teach their child to ride a bike responsibily.” You’ve blamed everyone but the driver. All I’m saying is, it’s very likely the driver was at fault, and it’s also very likely the the kid and his parents are completely blameless. Where did I say the kid was responsible? I mentioned that the OP made it sound as if he was. I have no idea. But the idea of this letter is a strong indication of misplaced priorities on the part of the parents. All parents, all the time, must take extra care for the safety of their children. Parents who are asking others to take extra care for their own children are eschewing their own responsibility. If the street or pathway was dangerous for the child to ride on, his parents are the ones responsible for allowing him to be endangered. If the child ran into the car, the parents are also responsible. If the car driver was actually at fault, that’s the person who should have received a letter. No one else was involved. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/24 "2011-05-26T15:40:32Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > There is something wrong with those parents. Sending out the letter doesn’t mean they didn’t also talk to the child about being safe (before the accident and after). They are probably just covering all the bases. I agree completely that the parents shouldn’t make everyone else responsible for keeping their child safe. However, they also can’t make the child solely responsible for his own safety. Most likely they talked to their own child and sent out a letter. I would hardly conclude that there was something “wrong” with those parents. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/25 "2011-05-26T15:47:41Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Sending out the letter doesn’t mean they didn’t also talk to the child about being safe (before the accident and after). They are probably just covering all the bases. I agree completely that the parents shouldn’t make everyone else responsible for keeping their child safe. However, they also can’t make the child solely responsible for his own safety. Most likely they talked to their own child and sent out a letter. > > I would hardly conclude that there was something “wrong” with those parents. That’s only because you’re being reasonable and not over-generalizing. Or you don’t recognize this is a common symptom of people who want to shift their own blame to someone else. You choose. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/26 "2011-05-26T15:48:32Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > The way the parents sent the message to everyone suggests a healthy attitude to me: “Hey. This was an accident. It could have happened to anyone, no one is the bad guy, here’s a reminder to be more careful” It would be a healthy attitude if they had included a section asking people to remind their children to slow down and look before they pedaled across driveways. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/27 "2011-05-26T16:18:52Z")
> [@Weedy](#): > > Did the parents tell their kid to be careful of driveways, I wonder, or do they just expect everyone else to dodge their kid? The word you are looking for is “yield”. As in, when you are crossing a sidewalk to enter or leave your driveway, you should stop before the sidewalk and yield to any pedestrians/cyclists on the sidewalk. For example, Nebraska > [@](#): > > Vehicle entering roadway from private road or driveway; yield right-of-way. > > (a) > > The driver of a vehicle emerging from an alley, driveway, private road or building shall stop such vehicle immediately before driving onto a sidewalk and shall yield the right-of-way to any pedestrian approaching on any sidewalk. Before entering the highway, the driver shall yield the right-of-way to all vehicles approaching on such highway. > > (b) > > The driver of a vehicle entering an alley, building, private road or driveway shall yield the right-of-way to any pedestrian approaching on any sidewalk. I’d bet that your state has a similar law. Note, even though the kid has the right of way, he should be careful to not get his ass run over by someone violating that right of way. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/28 "2011-05-26T18:22:08Z")
I don’t think it was particularly overprotective. Sometimes people forget there are kids around, and I can see being a little shaken over the kid having gotten hit by a car. If I were the parent in question, I might do the same thing, but only after drilling my kind on the importance of watching out for cars while on a bike. It’s definitely up to the kid to keep a lookout for cars coming out of driveways (and the parents to remind their children), wherever they’re riding, but part of driving means that you watch out for kids, adults, dogs – whatever – to avoid hitting them. Our homeowner’s association sends somewhat similar letters all the time – notifies people if there have been break-ins, if there will be significant disruptions in the neighborhood due to construction, when they’ll be handing out pool passes, etc. I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest if a neighbor decided to avoid the middle man. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/29 "2011-05-26T19:06:01Z")
Yes, it’s overprotective for a parent whose kid had a collision with a car pulling out of a driveway to remind neighbors to watch out for kids. Plus it’s pushy and presumptuous. It’s just like accusing you, personally, of being a neglectful driver, when it wasn’t even you who hit the kid! The nerve! Yes, I’m being facetious. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/30 "2011-05-26T19:33:06Z")
> [@Khendrask](#): > > Maybe I’m just not reading enough in detail, but I don’t see it stated as fact that the kid did get hit by the car. For all I can tell, the car was stopped at the end of the driveway, and the kid ran into it. > > Just a case where making any blanket statement over insufficient facts is just foolishness. Sorry, my bad. I still don’t think it’s overprotective to put a letter in the mailbox, though. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/31 "2011-05-26T19:36:07Z")
Eh, as long as the tone wasn’t too spanky, I don’t see a problem. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/32 "2011-05-26T19:50:27Z")
We have a regular problem with kids in our neighborhood. All ages, from ankle biters to Hitler youth. They play in the street and sidewalks and not only do not move if you wish to pass, but refuse to move. Driving down the street the kids will actually stop playing the street and refuse to move. Several times driving down the street we’ve had to stop the vehicle, put it in park and turn off the engine, while a little girl (not more than four years old) proceeds to ride her bike at us from 150 feet away, head down and looking only at the ground immediately in front of her, and totally oblivious there could be anyone else, bird, dog, stick, pebble, kid, bicycle, vehicle, etc., within 1,000 miles of her. She finally realizes she is about to hit something when she’s ten feet in front of us. This happened too many times to count. Nope, she has no known mental/intellectual disabilities. She’s like her older siblings and parents; totally self-absorbed the world must revolve/wait for them. We turn off the engine because if she hits us we want to make sure to everyone she hit us and not the other way around. Despite repeated interventions, including by the police, the parents think their kids are cherubs and it’s everyone else’s fault if there is a problem. Oh, yeah. There is a school and huge empty playground that abuts their backyards. These kids deliberately play in the street. I have no problem if a parent wishes to protect their child. We seem not to have that kind of parent where we live. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/33 "2011-05-26T19:55:06Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > Oh, yeah. There is a school and huge empty playground that abuts their backyards. These kids deliberately play in the street. > . This is one thing that drives me fucking batshit. I live in a neighborhood of about…ten or so streets, in a sort of squarish shape. In the bottom of the square, there is a small playground that is ETERNALLY abandoned. It has the swingset, and some open ground, and a few other things. Fucking kids play in the street, right in front of their house, and I am convinced it’s because the parents don’t want their kids to go even 5-6 blocks over to the playground. Even 10 YO kids! And while I’m at it nothing makes me more angry than parents who install their stupid basketball hoops right at the edge of their driveway, IN THE STREET. Darwin awards? Especially when you are the second or third house from the main street, which is a 40 mph road! People turn and they are not fully slowed down yet and your damn little rugrats are playing right there in the middle of the street. Is this smart? Is this prudent? Whatever happened to installing the hoop over the garage door? /rant ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/34 "2011-05-26T20:42:13Z")
Nope, not over protective. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/35 "2011-05-27T01:52:31Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > She sent a letter instead of a lawsuit? How refreshing. Must not be in America. (Also, we don’t have bonnets over here). This. In America, when a kid on a bike gets hit by an SUV going 40 heading to the country club and the SUV driver is a lawyer, the lawyer _tries to sue the child_ for damages to his car. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/36 "2011-05-27T04:30:10Z")
I don’t see anything wrong with it. Sounds like she could have sent out a letter calling out and naming the person who was driving and she didn’t. She just reminded everyone to be careful. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/37 "2011-05-27T05:25:37Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > This. > > In America, when a kid on a bike gets hit by an SUV going 40 heading to the country club and the SUV driver is a lawyer, the lawyer _tries to sue the child_ for damages to his car. Uh, yeah. There’s a story like that on the news everyday. :rolleyes: Because lawyers don’t realize that no such law suit could be won. 😕 Or is this some variation of the ‘In Soviet Union car sues you!’ gag? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/38 "2011-05-27T05:41:04Z")
I’d say it’s quite rational and sensible. To assume from the letter that she didn’t talk to her kid is a little bit of an overreaction itself. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/39 "2011-05-27T15:09:50Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Uh, yeah. There’s a story like that on the news everyday. :rolleyes: Because lawyers don’t realize that no such law suit could be won. 😕 Or is this some variation of the ‘In Soviet Union car sues you!’ gag? Uh, no. This really happened to my family 5 years ago. I’ve mentioned it a few times before on the board. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269/40 "2011-05-27T15:12:25Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > This. > > In America, when a kid on a bike gets hit by an SUV going 40 heading to the country club and the SUV driver is a lawyer, the lawyer _tries to sue the child_ for damages to his car. Lawyers don’t drive SUV’s. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-parent-over-protective/583269.md?page=3)