# Is this rape?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rape/477251>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [December 15, 2008, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rape/477251 "2008-12-15T16:17:37Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Showing post:** 17

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**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\
**Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rape/477251/17 "2008-12-15T20:22:26Z")

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> [@Freudian\_Slit](#):
>
> Okay, fair enough. It’s probably better to be safe. I do think that, as **JackofHearts** points out, we have to be careful to actually apply the word “rape” more…well, carefully. If everything is rape, then where are we?
> 
> I feel like I’ve had sex under situations where I didn’t want to (or in some cases, really didn’t want to), but I still consented. But in one of those cases, I’d just refer to it as manipulation/coercion, but definitely not rape. I felt really bad afterwards, maybe in some ways “violated,” but legally and practically, what happened to me wasn’t rape since I did consent.

But how can it be consent if you don’t want to ?  
Not in the legal sense of consent I mean. I’m sure there’s no legal way to go at it, at least not in a practical sense, it would be too easy to argue “I said yes but I meant no” in court. But then, what’s ethical and what’s legal aren’t the same. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make something right (and vice versa).

The fact that the coercer didn’t use bodily harm but emotional or chemical means as his leverage for coercion doesn’t change the fact that coercion happened. In a sense it could even be worse, in that… well… \*\*you \*\*did say yes, didn’t you ? It’s all your fault, \*\*you \*\*made the choice, \*\*you \*\*shouldn’t have drunk that much, **you** ’ve got all the guilt etc… whereas you can rationalize a gunpoint rape by not having any choice in the matter, other than dying that is.

And we do treat roofies incidents as rape, so why not plain ol’ smashed, or clearly-not-100%-mental-strength ? Call it abusing a situation, using someone, manipulation, call it whatever you want, I still contend it’s a shitty thing to do.

Not sure if I’m making a lot of sense. It’s always hard to rationally discuss a gut feeling :/.

EDIT :

> [@control-z](#):
>
> Let’s remember the ramifications of the Jedi Mind Trick: [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3217/2762458387\_31207c1a81.jpg](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3217/2762458387_31207c1a81.jpg)

That is one fucking great picture :). Thanks for sharing.

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