# Is this rude or am I old? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2010, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341 "2010-07-20T13:08:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/21 "2010-07-20T16:25:04Z")
Besides overly loud talking in a situation where people are trapped and have to hear the conversation (this goes for lines in stores too IMO), I also think there is something to be said about the NATURE of the conversation as well. Hey Honey, did you want some milk too? Or Yes boss, the TPS reports are nearly done. Or, hell yeah, the surfs up? I’ll be there first thing in the morning! Those kind of conversations overheard in a normal tone either on the phone or between two live people are AOKAY in my book. More personal, judgemental, or TMI conversations are still IMO rude to surrounding folks who may not wanna hear that shit. Yeah, there is big gray area there, and nobodies rights are being violated but I still consider it inconsiderate to the people around you. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/22 "2010-07-20T16:27:31Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Well, there are two different implications here. > > The first is that she was under some kind of etiquette obligation to talk to you in the elevator, which to me is just silly. > > The second is that it’s rude to talk loudly on a cell phone in public, which is true. > > So I think she was rude, but not for the reasons you seem to be attributing. Nobody is socially obligated to talk to people they encounter on an elevator. If she had just ridden the elevator in silence without acknowledging your presence, that would be okay. That’s especially okay since you don’t even know her name and view her office staff as ‘‘interchangeable,’’ so it’s not even like she’s snubbing someone she knows well. This was my same reaction, too. She was rude to loudly talk on the cell phone but if she hadn’t been on the cell phone but hadn’t acknowledged you, (but say, was listening to an mp3 player or reading a book), that wouldn’t be rude, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/23 "2010-07-20T16:30:58Z")
At least she didn’t fart in the elevator. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/24 "2010-07-20T16:34:12Z")
next time it happens pick a tune that is good for a group ‘sing a long’ and see if you can get the rest in the elevator to join along. if the elevator is crowded you might get a three part ‘row row row your boat’ going. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/25 "2010-07-20T16:41:53Z")
Maybe this girl in the elevator with you today was uncomfortable with small talk and trying to avoid it? I work in one of those big sky scrapers and everyone on our floor kind of knows one another but not by name (the woman with the glass eye, mullet lady, flip-flop woman, etc) and one of these women forces small talk in a way that is so uncomfortable that I have started having fake phone conversations to avoid having to talk to her. If you go into the bathroom and she is in there she will start up huge conversations about random crap while you are trying to poop even though she doesn’t even know your name and if you get on the elevator with her you know she is going to follow you out of the building to yammer at you some more and then turn around and go back in to get back where she was originally heading. I think she is just really lonely and I try to smile and nod but the small talk with her is so uncomfortable it makes me want to feign deafness. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/26 "2010-07-20T16:42:35Z")
Cell phones are the new boom boxes. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/27 "2010-07-20T17:22:49Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I have started having fake phone conversations to avoid having to talk to her. Yeah, but when I pretend to talk on my cell phone instead of talking to a friend about Facebook I’m talking to the CEO about having dinner on my yacht Saturday so we can discuss if our around-the-world trip should go east to west or west to east. Or if you’re too lame to try that, call a “friend” and tell them about the annoying person who is talking too loudly on their cell phone. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/28 "2010-07-20T17:32:06Z")
Next time, put on your iPod headphones and start singing along loudly. It’s what I’m going to start doing. If you can have loud, one-sided cellphone conversations in public, I can sing (loudly and badly) in public. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/29 "2010-07-20T17:58:20Z")
This is a bizarre thread… what is supposed to be the “rude” part of the OP’s story? That she talked on her cellphone instead of to the OP, some person she doesn’t even know, on an elevator? ---
**Author:** ![limegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/30 "2010-07-20T18:04:05Z")
A previous coach at my school would walk around with his Bluetooth device stuck in his ear, talking loudly and (seemingly randomly) in the hallways. I was always coming around a corner, and he would glance at me and make some loud comment, which threw me off until I realized that he was ALWAYS talking to someone else. So then I started to make up my side of the conversation. Him --“Is he going to come watch the practice tomorrow?” Me – “Oh, I don’t think so. Isn’t it going to rain tomorrow. That would be awfully boring lalallallallalla” accompanied by innocent batting of eyes. Eventually he got the point and would take it outside or say, “Excuse me”. Don’t mess with middle-aged teachers, son. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/31 "2010-07-20T18:56:22Z")
I’m not sure where the rudeness is in this scenario. Was she particularly loud? And why would you hang up the phone because you were getting on an elevator? Is it a reception issue, or do you think it’s rude to talk on the phone in an elevator? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/32 "2010-07-20T19:12:22Z")
OK, I read the OP three times and nowhere is it specified that the cell-phone talker was being loud. Loud = rude. Not the case here, that we know. This is the part that kept jumping out at me: > [@](#): > > Elevator “lobby”, small enclosed space, where generally people at least nod and smile at each other. General “small talk about how slow the elevator is” kind of spot. It would be rude not to acknowledge somebody. See, I think that assumption can be true if someone is not otherwise occupied - you’re just standing there anyway, might as well make eye contact and nod. But I think the cell-phone talker was not under any such obligation. Ferchrissakes, you don’t even know her name! My vote is: NO, NOT HELLA RUDE. And since you asked specifically about her “sorry, gotta get off the phone, I’m on the elevator” comment and your WTF response, my WAG is that this was her way of extracting herself from a conversation that might otherwise have gone on another twenty minutes. I know people like that, people who will keep you on the phone until you literally have to say something like, “Okay, I’m gonna poop now! Gotta hang up on you!” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/33 "2010-07-20T19:19:18Z")
Yes, the rudeness is that it’s loud and obnoxious. I don’t want to hear to somebody yelling into a cell phone on an elevator any more than I want to hear them singing on an elevator. There’s also a more subtle point of ettiquette – one that seems to be increasingly fading – in that basic courtesy requires – or at least USED to require – a simple acknoeldgemt of the presence of other people in close quarters. That doesn’t have to include small talk. It doesn’t even have to be verbal. Just a nod or a “how’s it going” to show that you recognize another human being is standing next to you. The cell phone era has largely taken that away as people go blithely around, lost in their own worlds, talking or texting to friends, an not even _seeing_ the people physically in front of them. Most of the time, no offense is intended. The incidents like the one in the OP are just more oblivious than intentionally rude, but not always. One thing I see fairly often, which I think really is just jerk-ass rude is people talking on cell phones while they talk to customr service people – going through grocery lines, ordering food, etc. It looks so dismissive and belittleing to the people who are helping them. Even worse than that is people texting or talking while they’re supposed to be spending one-on-one time with somebody. That’s just bullshit. I sure as hell wouldn’t allow one of my kids to do that to me. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/34 "2010-07-20T19:31:40Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes, the rudeness is that it’s loud and obnoxious. I don’t want to hear to somebody yelling into a cell phone on an elevator any more than I want to hear them singing on an elevator. Yet the OP never says anything about her “yelling” or being loud. Would you be annoyed if two people walked onto an elevator having a conversation (but not with you) in a normal voice? If not, why would you be annoyed by someone talking on a cellphone in a normal voice? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/35 "2010-07-20T19:38:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Just a nod or a “how’s it going” to show that you recognize another human being is standing next to you. To me, feigning interest in a complete stranger’s well doing is rude. I honestly do not care how it is going, so why should I ask? Anyways, gotta get back to my call. Not you, I’m talking to some guy on the computer. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/36 "2010-07-20T19:43:53Z")
> [@jonesj2205](#): > > I was on a bus once when a woman was having a long, loud conversation on her cell phone. Guy sitting near her started talking to his buddy about what she was saying. > She turned to him and said “Do you mind, this is a private conversation.” > He said “Lady, you’re yelling into the phone on the bus, it’s not private.” > Pretty sure half the bus wanted to cheer. I know I did. > And no, she didn’t end her call. My favorite overheard phone conversation story. I’m sitting on a bench on the subway platform, waiting patiently for my train. I hear one-side of a very intimate phone conversation, some young lady going on in great detail about her date the night before. I look around and I can’t see anyone talking on the phone. Even curiouser, I don’t get any cell reception in that particular train station and am not aware that anyone does. I look around some more. The phone conversation is emitting from the speakers on the platform. Yep, the young lady working in the fare booth ( who obviously isn’t overworked ) has hit a switch that opens up the speakers for passenger announcements without realizing it and is broadcasting a very personal conversation to a couple hundred subway passengers. I was thinking that they should do this more often, for what the subway costs they should feature entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/37 "2010-07-20T20:18:52Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes, the rudeness is that it’s loud and obnoxious. I don’t want to hear to somebody yelling into a cell phone on an elevator any more than I want to hear them singing on an elevator. > > There’s also a more subtle point of ettiquette – one that seems to be increasingly fading – in that basic courtesy requires – or at least USED to require – a simple acknoeldgemt of the presence of other people in close quarters. That doesn’t have to include small talk. It doesn’t even have to be verbal. Just a nod or a “how’s it going” to show that you recognize another human being is standing next to you. The cell phone era has largely taken that away as people go blithely around, lost in their own worlds, talking or texting to friends, an not even _seeing_ the people physically in front of them. I think it depends on just where you are, though. In my apartment building where I live, I’m a lot more likely to smile and say hello than I am at the elevator bank at the dentist, for example. I guess mostly it’s just familiarity and recognizing people, even if I’m not bosom buddies with them. ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/38 "2010-07-20T20:22:10Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Yet the OP never says anything about her “yelling” or being loud. Would you be annoyed if two people walked onto an elevator having a conversation (but not with you) in a normal voice? If not, why would you be annoyed by someone talking on a cellphone in a normal voice? We’re all used to the phenomenon of two people in close proximity to each other conversing. In pre-cell phone days, however, it was not a normal circumstance to be privy to someone else’s phone conversation, regardless of whether it was of an intimate or strictly mundane nature. (Uh, that’s part of the reason phone booths were invented.) If someone had to speak on the phone in the presence of others, it was usually accompanied by some sort of “Excuse me, I’ll just be a moment but I have to complete this call.” Cell phones have made possible this widespread exposure to others’ phone conversations in a way that just didn’t happen before. Those who don’t remember a pre-cell phone era don’t find this at all odd; those who do, do. We would all be discomfited if someone in an elevator were carrying on a conversation with an imaginary friend who is clearly not present.\* For some of us, putting a cell phone in this person’s hand doesn’t go all the way to mitigating this discomfort. Not saying any of this is logical, but… - As others have noted, many of us have had something close to this experience until discovering the conversationalist was Bluetooth-equipped. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/39 "2010-07-20T20:45:00Z")
This is the rude part > [@Zsofia](#): > > Small office - not, like, one of those big New York skyscrapers where nobody knows anybody. Couple hundred people in this building and we all know each other and mostly know each other’s names, although the girl in question I just can’t ever remember because the people in that office are totally interchangeable. But anyway. So you have to take a cheap shot at NYC and it’s inhabitants and claim that unlike us, you guys know everyone by name. But then you don’t know her or presumably any of the other people in her office because they are all interchangeable. That’s both rude and ironic. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341/40 "2010-07-20T20:49:28Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > That’s both rude and ironic. You guys should make her an honorary New York (New York) er on that basis alone 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude-or-am-i-old/547341.md?page=3)