# Is this rude? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 11, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426 "2012-09-11T20:03:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/1 "2012-09-11T20:03:18Z")
Let’s say that someone fell out with a superior at work. John fell out with his boss, Jill, at work. The fall out is **professional** ; it wasn’t as if John and Jill started punching each other or started yelling rude insults at each other. Jill calls a meeting of all John’s co-workers and lectures the co-workers about John’s behavior without ever naming John. The co-workers know who Jill is talking about though. Is this rude? Jill talks in private about John’s actions. Is this rude? Jill calls John a “brat” to his face. Is this rude? John calmly leaves Jill’s office, and says have a good day to Jill. Jill hears, but ignores John. Is this rude? ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/2 "2012-09-11T20:08:14Z")
Yes, and breathtakingly unprofessional to boot. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/3 "2012-09-11T20:17:27Z")
Yep, Jill is very unprofessional. ---
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/4 "2012-09-11T20:20:09Z")
Christ. I was cutting Jill so much slack. I thought that Jill wasn’t being rude because she talked about John’s actions rather than … say … his character. I guess that my quitting my job is really justified because for a long time I held my “Jill” in very high esteem … despite some recent doubts. When I finally walked out after being called a “brat” despite my offer of reconciliation I opened the door very calmly (no slamming), turned around, said have a good day (I didn’t even say it sarcastically), and was greeted by silence. Good riddance. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/5 "2012-09-11T20:20:21Z")
Tough day at work, eh? ---
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/6 "2012-09-11T20:21:22Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Tough day at work, eh? More like final day at work. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/7 "2012-09-11T20:23:14Z")
Dude. If a hypo is about you, you don’t need to construct so much mystique around it, inventing names and describing it from a third party perspective. That’s so pretentious. Like if you had gotten advice contrary to what you wanted to hear, I get the feeling you would have said, “Oh this is for a friend, not me!” _innocent face_ Own your problems and you’ll get more respect, even if people think you did something stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/8 "2012-09-11T20:23:44Z")
> [@IceQube](#): > > More like final day at work. 🆒 Cheers! Have a few extra beers tonight and sleep as late as you feel like it tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/9 "2012-09-11T20:24:58Z")
Rude, unprofessional, immature and drama-queeny. Whatabitch. (I’m really hoping you’re the John and not the Jill right now! ) ---
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/10 "2012-09-11T20:25:45Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Dude. If a hypo is about you, you don’t need to construct so much mystique around it, inventing names and describing it from a third party perspective. That’s so pretentious. Like if you had gotten advice contrary to what you wanted to hear, I get the feeling you would have said, “Oh this is for a friend, not me!” _innocent face_ I would not have said that. I probably would have gave more details about “John” and “Jill.” Which would have made it pretty obvious that I’m talking about myself. You may be referring to my other thread about bosses, higher-ups, and the such. That one was definitely not about me but about a friend. This one is, however, about me. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/11 "2012-09-11T20:26:21Z")
Was this your “friend” who was being harassed at work and you wanted to tape it and release it to clients? ---
**Author:** ![kwimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@kwimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kwimby)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/12 "2012-09-11T20:27:56Z")
Sounds like the not uncommon case of basic insubordination. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/13 "2012-09-11T20:29:04Z")
> [@IceQube](#): > > More like final day at work. 🆒 Hope you got something lined up. ---
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/14 "2012-09-11T20:29:54Z")
> [@LurkerInNJ](#): > > Was this your “friend” who was being harassed at work and you wanted to tape it and release it to clients? No, different case. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/15 "2012-09-11T23:11:19Z")
> [@IceQube](#): > > Let’s say that someone fell out with a superior at work. John fell out with his boss, Jill, at work. The fall out is **professional** ; it wasn’t as if John and Jill started punching each other or started yelling rude insults at each other. > > Jill calls a meeting of all John’s co-workers and lectures the co-workers about John’s behavior without ever naming John. The co-workers know who Jill is talking about though. > > Is this rude? > > Jill talks in private about John’s actions. > Is this rude? > > Jill calls John a “brat” to his face. > > Is this rude? > > John calmly leaves Jill’s office, and says have a good day to Jill. Jill hears, but ignores John. > > Is this rude? I’d say that the first, third, and fourth actions are rude. The second may be, but not necessarily, depending on what she says and to whom she says it. There’s a big difference between saying to a higher-up, “I’m concerned that John’s actions may delay the production of a necessary report. Do you have any suggestions?” and “John’s being a pain in the neck. Any way you can get him transferred to another branch so he’s somebody else’s problem?” ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/16 "2012-09-11T23:16:18Z")
> [@kwimby](#): > > Sounds like the not uncommon case of basic insubordination. I don’t see enough information here to come to that conclusion. All we know about is “Jill’s” actions, nothing about what (might have) triggered them. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/17 "2012-09-11T23:30:08Z")
one sided stories are great, maybe you are a pita and she got what she wanted ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/18 "2012-09-11T23:31:11Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > I don’t see enough information here to come to that conclusion. All we know about is “Jill’s” actions, nothing about what (might have) triggered them. > Roddy Exactly. She shouldn’t have used the word “brat” in the workplace, but there’s not enough information in the story for me to conclude that she was wrong. Maybe John _was_ acting like a brat. Maybe his behavior was serious enough to warrant a private conversation. I’ve been in meetings where the boss scolded all of us because of the behavior of unnamed but “known” individual. Those kind of meetings are inherently awful. But if the behavior is awful enough, maybe that’s just how it has to be. I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/19 "2012-09-11T23:33:01Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Yes, and breathtakingly unprofessional to boot. Yeah, my first thought was, “Is she a five-year-old?” Grown-ups handle disputes privately, between the two of them. They don’t passive-aggressively spread it around the office trying to prove that she was “right.” If office politics in general are not toxic, I’d probably mention to _her_ superior that her behavior was making it awkward for the rest of the office. Hard to do your job when you feel like you have to tip-toe around Ms. Can’t-Let-It-Go-Already. (Unfortunately, people like this usually work in offices that _are_ toxic, which is why she thinks she can get away with acting like a petulant child.) ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2012, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426/20 "2012-09-11T23:42:39Z")
One does not “fall out” with one’s superiors at work, however, quote-unquote, “professionally.” The term you mean is “insubordination.” You are not friends, and you are not workplace equals. If you think your boss has got something wrong, you tactfully let her know and then loyally support her plan of action. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/634426.md?page=2)