# Is this rude? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 2, 2013, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163 "2013-02-02T23:56:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/21 "2013-02-03T04:37:42Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > It sounds like B was just being polite. No it sounds like B has 0 testosterone. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/22 "2013-02-03T04:40:37Z")
Yeah, how dare he trust you and give you the benefit of the doubt. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/23 "2013-02-03T05:08:34Z")
Clearly you need to get some _acetone_ up in B’s bitch ass. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/24 "2013-02-03T05:24:28Z")
> [@IceQube](#): > > No it sounds like B has 0 testosterone. Actually, B is a class act who won’t stoop to your manipulative crap. Why are you playing games?? I hope he walks away and finds someone better for whatever _it_ is. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/25 "2013-02-03T05:47:47Z")
You know, if this whole exercise is just to point and laugh at how stupid B is and how amazing you are for duping them, why didn’t you give us all the specifics so we can see just how awesome this whole situation is? You’re really selling yourself short with all the potential this thread has to deliver on the pointing and laughing part. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/26 "2013-02-03T06:28:02Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/27 "2013-02-03T06:42:47Z")
Is this the racist guy? ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/28 "2013-02-03T10:17:00Z")
What bombshells? What testosterone? Are you saying you were taunting B about why he hasn’t asked you to (for the sake of argument) go bowling again, implying that he should have been smart enough to know you never wanted to go bowling in the first place and was even stupider to try to get you to go a second time, and now that he’s wised up and isn’t trying to get you to go bowling, you think even less of him than you did in the beginning because now you can’t make fun of him? Seems to me like Charlie Brown grew a pair and decided to never fall for Lucy’s football trick again, and Lucy’s a little mad that the fun is over. In that case, it is pretty clear who has the testosterone, and it ain’t A. B learned the lesson you tried to teach him, and he’s not going to bother being nice (if that’s what you mean by ass-kissing) to you again. Pout all you want about losing someone as a dupe, but remember, HE’s the one muttering “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” and he is done. You, A, are rude. I think the consensus here is clear…we like B more than you for shutting down your cruel little game. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/29 "2013-02-03T12:23:52Z")
> [@IceQube](#): > > No it sounds like B has 0 testosterone. You deliberately act obnoxiously to test your “friend.” He doesn’t get angry, _perhaps thus demonstrating maturity and self-confidence_, and this shows “lack of testosterone”? This does remind me a bit of [a song from the 1960’s](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI_nk0L-cF4). Someone suggests you post more details. Perhaps; or perhaps we have TMI already. ---
**Author:** ![IceQube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@IceQube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IceQube)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/30 "2013-02-03T17:26:03Z")
“It” is job-related, and my line of work is not prostitution or anything remotely close. I’m not comfortable disclosing my job on this message board because, well, I don’t want future employers to put things together and realize that I have a sharp tongue when I’m pissed. All right, I agree, B might be a big old sucker, or he might just be mature - too much so to stoop down to my level. But I still feel justified in that B thought I was a sucker by kissing my ass until I was chafed. As a matter of fact, B once even offered to “play [the trumpet] at my wedding.” That’s some serious ass-kissing that’s completely unrelated to my field of work. And I think that on Monday, I’ll go to B and see if he’s reneged his promise or not … A (feigning mental retardation): “Hey, B … you said you’d play at my wedding once … are you still gonna play at my wedding?” Now, is _that_ rude? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/31 "2013-02-03T17:35:55Z")
Maybe B thought you were friends? I know I hate it when people act kind to me out of friendship / maturity / general compassion for another (seemingly) human being. You’re absolutely doing the right thing to squash this in the bud. Hopefully, B will spread the word so that you’ll never have to deal with anyone (the horrors!) treating you so abysmally again. Best of luck, brave soldier. Keep fighting the good fight! ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/32 "2013-02-03T17:40:52Z")
> [@IceQube](#): > > “It” is job-related, and my line of work is not prostitution or anything remotely close. I’m not comfortable disclosing my job on this message board because, well, I don’t want future employers to put things together and realize that I have a sharp tongue when I’m pissed. > > All right, I agree, B might be a big old sucker, or he might just be mature - too much so to stoop down to my level. But I still feel justified in that B thought I was a sucker by kissing my ass until I was chafed. As a matter of fact, B once even offered to “play [the trumpet] at my wedding.” That’s some serious ass-kissing that’s completely unrelated to my field of work. And I think that on Monday, I’ll go to B and see if he’s reneged his promise or not … > > A (feigning mental retardation): “Hey, B … you said you’d play at my wedding once … are you still gonna play at my wedding?” > Now, is _that_ rude? There is something real bad wrong with you. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/33 "2013-02-03T17:51:35Z")
Yes, “feigning retardation” is rude. That’s the entire point. The entire reason you are pretending to be stupid is because that’s what you think the other person is. Thinking that someone is stupid and communicating that fact to them is inherently rude. That doesn’t mean rudeness is never justified. If you actually had a legitimate reason to be this mad at this guy, it might be appropriate. You don’t. He asked you a question and you fucking lied about what you wanted. That means that, when he takes what you said as true, it’s your own fucking fault. You should be mad at yourself for acting like a moron and promising something you didn’t want to do. Is it possible the guy didn’t want to actually play at your wedding? Sure. That would make him stupid. But, seeing as he doesn’t sound like a passive aggressive jerk, it’s more likely that he didn’t do it because you didn’t follow up on it. This whole thing would have been cleared up if you’d just said what you meant the first time. “I ordinarily like to do this, but, I guess, I’ll do it this once. But you owe me one.” Instead, you acted like the person with no testosterone (which I assume means no assertiveness) because you meekly agreed to do what he said. To put it in your vernacular, grow a fucking pair and stop blaming others for your own communication problems. ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/34 "2013-02-03T17:59:54Z")
Obvious troll is obvious ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/35 "2013-02-03T23:58:36Z")
A, would you mind sending B in here and then not posting here any longer? Kthxbai. ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2013, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/36 "2013-02-04T00:35:03Z")
> [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](#): > > I guess it depends on what “flaked” means. All I can picture is dandruff, which doesn’t make sense. Try using some more standard terminology and you might get better responses. > [@Blackberry](#): > > Super super common term. You’ve never heard anyone be described as flaky? I’ve heard “flaky” many times, but this is definitely the first time I’ve ever heard “flake” used as a verb, the way the OP is. ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2013, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/37 "2013-02-04T02:44:28Z")
Perhaps I’m reading into this,but you seem to be injecting power dynamics into your relationship with B and playing up your better position. If that isn’t the height of rudeness, it’s close. ---
**Author:** ![beelzebubjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@beelzebubjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beelzebubjones)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2013, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/38 "2013-02-04T03:32:14Z")
first to answer your question… yes it was rude. sometimes, and it’s rare, snarky wit used on someone that is oblivious can be entertaining. unfortunately in this instance there is nothing witty about A’s comments and nothing about B that makes me think he is oblivious. B seems to genuinely like A and seems to be a gracious person. the fact that he hasn’t let A get a third strike says to me that B is fairly on the ball. i had an aquaintance move from california to new york and let him live with me for six months. he was in the film business on the production side. at first i liked him but after while i realized he’d do weird things. involve himself with my friends and purposely exclude me. one time he was somewhere and someone thought he was me. the person was an assistant for someone i bid a job to. the assistant told this guy that he got the job thinking he was speaking to me. the guy knew that the offer was really mine but took the job. it was weird because there wasn’t much money or glory in the job and it was something very important to me on a personal level. he was very happy that he’d done that to me and i didn’t make a big deal of it. he considered me a major fool. mind you this is before cell phones. so one day he was working and the phone rang and it was someone with a film production job for him. i knew other people that also did film production. i told the person calling that he was on a different job but i did have someone else that was available; i was acting like an agent. so i called my other friend about the job and asked for a 10% fee. he was more than happy. after several weeks the person i had bid the original job to called me and asked why the other guy took the job. he hated the other guy. i told him his assistant had mistaken identity. he was pissed because the job was going on longer than they expected and turning out poorly. as the problems kept my houseguest on the job he stole from me, i kept getting calls for film work for him and kept giving them to my friend. in the end the guy that stole my job spent seven weeks and made two thousand dollars. i on the other hand i made thirty thousand in finders fees and didn’t do a lick of work. to this day the guy who stole my job has no idea what i did. he thinks i’m a sucker still. which is fine by me. be careful who you play as the fool, fool. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2013, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163/39 "2013-02-05T07:14:50Z")
A was a complete, passive-agressive tool. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-rude/649163.md?page=1)