# Is this (sexual) statement a compliment, an insult or something else? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 11, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691 "2012-11-11T17:53:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/21 "2012-11-12T08:19:19Z")
I think it would make me wonder what kind of weirdos they’d been dating before, who whipped out their secret identity in the bedroom! ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/22 "2012-11-12T09:40:36Z")
… ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/23 "2012-11-12T11:50:17Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > Did you type this on a keyboard adapted for hands that big or did you dictate it to your stewardess slut buddies? I have no idea what made you think that this type of comment would be okay, but it’s not. It’s severely out of line. This is a warning for you and your future posting privileges will be discussed. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/24 "2012-11-12T12:12:58Z")
Another Bwah?! type response. I would refuse to untie her, take my dogs, and leave the warehouse. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/25 "2012-11-12T13:30:06Z")
I think it’s the sort of thing you can only say to a dead person. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/26 "2012-11-12T14:06:41Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > Some people get really cranky when they aren’t getting laid on a regular basis. Bad enough for a friend to set her up with a blind date just so she would get laid and not be a cranky bitch. > > Not that I would know anything about that… > > So, being stable during times of no sex is probably a very good thing. This is how I read it. Assuming, of course, that the speaker is not someone who knows what I’m like mid-coitus. ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/27 "2012-11-12T14:48:54Z")
I’d need more detail to decipher the meaning behind it. I can see where it can be an unintentional slight, as opposed to a direct insult. However, it can also be genuine curiosity/surprise, if the person experienced something different than they expected. It really depends on the two people and how they interact. However, when people use the word “interesting”, it usually means something completely different, so my guess is that it was meant to provoke a conversation which did or didn’t happen. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/28 "2012-11-12T15:03:39Z")
It sounds like it’s definitely meant to be a lead-in to something else, most likely some sort of criticism or suggestion for improvement. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/29 "2012-11-12T16:00:12Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > Did you type this on a keyboard adapted for hands that big or did you dictate it to your stewardess slut buddies? > [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > I have no idea what made you think that this type of comment would be okay, but it’s not. It’s severely out of line. This is a warning for you and your future posting privileges will be discussed. I know he’s been suspended for a month, but to play Devil’s Advocate - SL was just playing off Even Sven’s post about the pick-up artist/negging technique by jokingly “negging” her. Obviously, he failed miserably in the humor and tact department and deserves the warning - but a suspension seems severe in this case. If you read his post in that light, it’s obviously just a really awkward attempt at banter with Sven. ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/30 "2012-11-12T16:02:42Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > It sounds like it’s definitely meant to be a lead-in to something else Yep, I’ve especially seen this, where after a given “situation”, a person will make an ambiguous comment, in order to gauge a persons reaction and appeal to their curiosity. In my experiences, the natural response is to seek clarification, so they’ll say something like “what do you mean?”, and off the conversation goes. It’s a very safe/indirect way of prompting discussion on the sexual encounter, good or bad. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/31 "2012-11-12T16:09:32Z")
> [@Baal\_Houtham](#): > > Without knowing the people involved, I’d guess the speaker means the other person is exceptionally intellectual and analytical and remains so in bed. > > It’s not necessarily a bad thing, as the speaker probably likes the other person – at least enough to sleep with them. However, most people like to see some animal behavior during sex, and to think that they’re causing you to be overwhelmed by passion. > > For what it may be worth: I have trouble not imagining the speaker as female. Not necessarily intelectual and analytical, it could simply be that they express themselves clearly (no mind games in and out or bed). I’ve had guys tell me they loved that lack of mind games; one said he found it “restful”. I think I’d go “bwah?” and at the sime see it as a compliment due to the use of “interesting”. If something is interesting then whomever qualifies it so wants to get more of it, right? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/32 "2012-11-12T16:14:09Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > I know he’s been suspended for a month, but to play Devil’s Advocate - SL was just playing off Even Sven’s post about the pick-up artist/negging technique by jokingly “negging” her. Obviously, he failed miserably in the humor and tact department and deserves the warning - but a suspension seems severe in this case. If you read his post in that light, it’s obviously just a really awkward attempt at banter with Sven. I agree. humor, or at least an attempt. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/33 "2012-11-12T17:32:21Z")
“I would say fuck you, but after that comment, fucking ain’t gonna happen anymore. How’s that for being the same in bed as when I am not in bed?” In other words, I wouldn’t take it as a compliment. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/34 "2012-11-12T17:36:01Z")
Since its unlikely the comment sprung out of nowhere, it would be helpful to know the full context. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/35 "2012-11-12T18:19:09Z")
Eh, the situation was complicated and involved a group discussion. I’d rather not break confidences or name names, and I’d certainly rather not say “And one of my friends said…” because nobody would believe that I wasn’t that friend. The context was, essentially, someone said the quote from the OP to someone else whom they’d been sleeping with, and followed up with the comment that she/he had found that many other lovers had a ‘Jekyll/Hyde’ sort of thing where there were a totally different person during sex and treated their sexuality as escape or a way of liberating themselves. Hope that helps, I’ve really enjoyed the responses so far. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/36 "2012-11-12T18:24:56Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Eh, the situation was complicated and involved a group discussion. I’d rather not break confidences or name names, and I’d certainly rather not say “And one of my friends said…” because nobody would believe that I wasn’t that friend. > > The context was, essentially, someone said the quote from the OP to someone else whom they’d been sleeping with, and followed up with the comment that she/he had found that many other lovers had a ‘Jekyll/Hyde’ sort of thing where there were a totally different person during sex and treated their sexuality as escape or a way of liberating themselves. > > Hope that helps, I’ve really enjoyed the responses so far. Oh, well pssh. If someone’s saying “You’re dull out of the bedroom and dull in it too” that’s a bad thing. But some people generally have fun personalities, and if this person is the same in and out of bed, that’s good. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/37 "2012-11-12T18:59:12Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Eh, the situation was complicated and involved a group discussion. I’d rather not break confidences or name names, and I’d certainly rather not say “And one of my friends said…” because nobody would believe that I wasn’t that friend. > > The context was, essentially, someone said the quote from the OP to someone else whom they’d been sleeping with, and followed up with the comment that she/he had found that many other lovers had a ‘Jekyll/Hyde’ sort of thing where there were a totally different person during sex and treated their sexuality as escape or a way of liberating themselves. I wouldn’t take it as compliment, given all of this background. My reason for saying this is that few people who are expressive in bed go around acting like this way outside the bedroom. Those who do are generally labeled perverts or freaks. This stigma wouldnt exist if society considered it a good thing to go around acting aroused all the time. We keep our sexual selves private for the most part. So if someone says you are the same person when you’re having sex, it’s safe to assume they don’t think you’re very sexually expressive. Doesn’t mean they don’t think you’re a good lover, though, unless part and parcel to being a good lover, in their minds, is being animal-like. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2012, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691/38 "2012-11-12T19:09:08Z")
Yeah, there was some disagreement among the people who were talking, so I appreciate all the perspectives. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-sexual-statement-a-compliment-an-insult-or-something-else/640691.md?page=1)