# Is this statement homophobic? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2011, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009 "2011-08-09T00:14:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/41 "2011-08-09T08:10:51Z")
> [@AqualungBats5th](#): > > Oh, and for the record, making a glib comparison to a brutally murdered victim of homophbia? Not okay, dude. As a queer guy: meh. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/42 "2011-08-09T09:33:24Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > It’s the standard -phobe talking point at the beginning: “I don’t care what other people do in the privacy of their bedrooms.” Soo… When I use - more or less - that term¹ regarding the (perhaps particularly) US/British obsession about the sex lives of public persons². regardless of sexual orientation, I’m a homophobe? Even if I have no problem watching gay friends showing the same amount of affection that I find suitable for public display if you’re straight³ ? As to the OP, the statement may not be homophobic _per se_, but it certainly pings my 'phobe-meter ¹ However, usually with the “consenting adults” qualification and extending it from a personal viewpoint to a proposed common standard: “What consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom should be their own business and no-one should care about that” ² Examples: What - _exactly_ - did Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky do to/with each other, or what - _exactly_ - was the preferences of some random British MP when he visited a prostitute? Read the tabloids and learn all the juicy details! ³ My personal limit for acceptable behavior in public lies just before prolonged tongue-tonsil interaction ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/43 "2011-08-09T10:47:06Z")
If the discussion is, “Does gay sex freak you out?” and the OP’s statement is a response to this question, then no, it is not homophobic. But if the discussion is, “Hey, isn’t it great that gay marriage has passed!” and someone responds that way, then I feel differently. It’s not homophobic in a “let’s burn them all and send them to hell!” way. But it’s no different than, “I don’t think black people are bad, but I just don’t like the way they look!” It’s insensitive and rude. In such a case, it’s a gratitutious opinion. My mental response to such opinions is usually, “Who the hell cares what you think?” But I admit I don’t really care for people’s unsolicited, judgmental opinions about most things, especially when they are negative. Personally, I find all sex to be disgusting and horrible, but I wouldn’t say this out loud at the risk of offending people or coming across as an ass. I would think others would want to show the same courtesy. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/44 "2011-08-09T11:12:34Z")
I just wanted to clarify my statement in post #6 - my “eww weird” referred to the notion of me having sex with another woman (and was my feeling when I did), not the idea of same-sex people having sex with each other. Assuming it’s adult and consensual and all that, not at all weird. > [@](#): > > If the discussion is, “Does gay sex freak you out?” and the OP’s statement is a response to this question, then no, it is not homophobic. > > But if the discussion is, “Hey, isn’t it great that gay marriage has passed!” and someone responds that way, then I feel differently. It’s not homophobic in a “let’s burn them all and send them to hell!” way. But it’s no different than, “I don’t think black people are bad, but I just don’t like the way they look!” It’s insensitive and rude. I agree with this. Absent any context, I voted for _not homophobic_. If a litmus test is “would you say this to a gay person”…I wouldn’t make the comment in the OP because the thought doesn’t make me feel like puking. If it came up in context I would say that I found having sex with another woman weird though. ---
**Author:** ![uuaschbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/76d3ee/32.png) [@uuaschbaer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uuaschbaer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/45 "2011-08-09T11:49:52Z")
It’s silly and backwards to devise a set of arbitrary rules that delineate what is acceptable speech and what isn’t and to expect adherence to and respect for them. The truth is that you can say whatever you want but if you say this around someone gay or someone with friends or relatives who are gay you are going to lose a friend at best or gain a black eye at worst. So to answer what is relevant: I don’t care what it’s called, if you hold this opinion: fuck you. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/46 "2011-08-09T12:17:52Z")
(agreeing with **typoink** and others) _Being_ grossed out by the idea of having sex with a person of the same sex does not mean you’re homophobic; it just means you’re heterosexual. _Announcing_ that you’re grossed out by the idea, especially if the announcement is unsolicited, is not _necessarily_ homophobic, but it’s the kind of thing a homophobic person might well say. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/47 "2011-08-09T12:51:07Z")
If you had left out this part: > [@](#): > > the idea is so gross that it makes me want to puke. I’d have said "not at all homophobic. And where’s the ice cream? ETA: What **Thudlow Boink** said. ---
**Author:** ![Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fake_Tales_of_San_Francisco)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/48 "2011-08-09T12:57:20Z")
I don’t care what other people do in the privacy of their bedrooms, but I could never have sex with someone who is the opposite sex as me; the idea is so gross that it makes me want to puke. If a gay person said this to me, I wouldn’t be offended, nor would I find it, uhhh straightaphobic. Which is probably why I don’t find the reverse homophobic. But people are sensitive to things in different ways, so what offends one person may not offend another, etc, etc. There’s no gospel truth to it. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/49 "2011-08-09T18:49:10Z")
I’d go with mildly homophobic, depending on context. The times I’ve heard that sort of sentiment before it usually comes out of left field. (and makes me wonder why the person is thinking about it anyway). ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/50 "2011-08-09T18:58:52Z")
> [@Fake\_Tales\_of\_San\_Francisco](#): > > If a gay person said this to me, I wouldn’t be offended, nor would I find it, uhhh straightaphobic. Which is probably why I don’t find the reverse homophobic. > > . Same here. Althoiugh I would question the motives of someone who offered the sort of vociferous statement in the OP. Regardless of orientation, I’d wonder why the vehemence or strong feelings regarding someone else’s sexual habits. Sexual habits involving feces, urine, small children, animals and other paraphilias excepted, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/51 "2011-08-09T19:25:07Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > Regardless of orientation, I’d wonder why the vehemence or strong feelings regarding someone else’s sexual habits. He’s not talking about _someone else’s_ sexual habits. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/52 "2011-08-09T19:29:52Z")
Merely “being disgusted” by the thought of partaking in ordinary gay sex strikes me as close to, but not actually, homophobic. The completely non-homophobic response is to go “no, don’t want to, but don’t care.” And the “I don’t care what they do in private…” rider pushes it into fully homophobic for me, and the “makes me want to puke” phrasing makes it a _very_ homophobic statement (again, for me). Just like it’s completely misogynistic when a gay guy makes crass disparaging remarks about having sex with women. I can get not wanting to, even being put off by the thought of doing it. But as soon as you bring out the week-old tuna remarks (and I’ve heard this), you’re hating. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/53 "2011-08-09T20:41:28Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > He’s not talking about _someone else’s_ sexual habits. Yes he is. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/54 "2011-08-09T20:49:05Z")
Maybe you think he is, but that conclusion is only possible by reading meanings that contradict the actual words. In the absence of _any_ other information, why not take people at their word? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/55 "2011-08-09T21:15:50Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Maybe you think he is, but that conclusion is only possible by reading meanings that contradict the actual words. > > In the absence of _any_ other information, why not take people at their word? “I love you more than I love myself!” Ike said to Tina as he tenderly bandaged the wounds his fists had inflicted on her half an hour earlier. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/56 "2011-08-09T21:36:18Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/57 "2011-08-09T21:45:21Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It’s a little overkilled. It’s protesting a little too much and showing a person who is overly defensive about being thought to be gay. Agreed. The hypothetical person who said this is totally gay. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/58 "2011-08-09T23:38:40Z")
Mildly. I really don’t care what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom. I care about it so little that I would never even think to say “I don’t care what people do in the privacy of their own bedroom.” You have to care about it enough to make the statement in the first place. Makes him want to puke? Why is he thinking so vividly about gay sex? How about just don’t think about it in the first place? Can he? I doubt it. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/59 "2011-08-10T00:06:24Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Agreed. The hypothetical person who said this is totally gay. Bwaha! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009/60 "2011-08-10T00:10:45Z")
> [@typoink](#): > > Now I’m just wondering if Skald is just trying to study us. If I were trying to study y’all, you’d know it. You’d be hanging upside down in a small dark room with electrodes attached in uncomfortable places and toothpicks propping open your eyelids while, on the giant video screen in front of you was playing… Well, never mind. I don’t want to spoil the surprise. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-statement-homophobic/592009.md?page=4)