# Is this the most intellectual joke in the world? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 24, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894 "2002-03-24T21:07:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/201 "2003-01-20T21:58:26Z")
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.” “Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you - aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?” “Yeah, so?” said the officer. “Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?” ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/202 "2003-01-20T22:05:32Z")
Yikes!! I just realized I posted that joke to the wrong thread…no…the wrong board! I need to sleep more. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_MacDairmuid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_MacDairmuid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_MacDairmuid)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/203 "2003-01-20T22:54:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bdgr \* > \*\*Chistmas and Halloween are the same day, because dec 25 = oct 31 > > Real programers dont use compilers, they just use: copy con program.exe \*\* Nice, very nice. ---
**Author:** ![Mushono](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cdc98d/32.png) [@Mushono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mushono)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/204 "2003-01-23T02:29:23Z")
Infomercial : I lost 150 pounds in xx days! Me: Who died? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/205 "2003-01-25T14:24:39Z")
Here’s a good one one my brother came up with the other day: Colleague - “No pun intended.” Brother - “None taken.” ---
**Author:** ![AuntPam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@AuntPam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntPam)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/206 "2003-01-25T20:13:11Z")
I can’t believe no one has posted this yet. What did Macbeth say when he looked up and saw Birnam Wood coming to Dunsinane? (BEAT) Cheezit, the copse! (look up the meaning of “copse” if you don’t get this.) ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/207 "2003-01-26T06:14:50Z")
I’ve been telling this one for years: The other day I logged out of cyberspace, went outside and got hit by a bus. Luckily, I was in a doubly-nested login loop. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/208 "2003-01-26T20:00:05Z")
A computer programmer is riding a bus. The man next to her asks, “What stop do I get off at to get to the civic center?” “Just watch me,” the programmer says, “and get off two stops before I do.” “How can I do that?” the man asks. “Easy,” says the programmer, “it’s a 2-pass algorithm.” ---
**Author:** ![Mops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mops/32/16494_2.png) [@Mops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mops)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/209 "2003-01-26T21:12:01Z")
masochist: Hurt me! sadist: No. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/210 "2003-01-26T23:19:25Z")
Ok, you’ve probably heard this one before, but, A physics student bumps into Einstein on the train, and asks “Excuse me sir, but does New York stop by this train?” * * * A physicist, engineer and mathematician are sleeping in adjecant hotel rooms. The wastebin in the phsyicist’s room catches on fire. He calculates the exact volume of water needed to put the fire out, gets the required amount of water and puts the fire out. Then, the wastebasket in the engineer’s room catches on fire. The engineer calculates the amunt of water needed to put the fire out, multiplies it by a factor of ten, gets more than the amount of water he’s calculated, and uses it all to put the fire out. A little later, the watsebasket in the mathematician’s room catches on fire. He wakes up, notices that there’s a sink with running water, and a glass. He convinces himself that theres a solution, and happily goes back to sleep. – Zen: The thermos flask keeps warm things warm and cold things cold… …But how does it know? ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/211 "2003-01-27T00:23:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AuntPam \* > \*\*Cheezit, the copse! > \*\* Ha! I can’t believe I’d never _heard_ that… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Phouchg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/41988e/32.png) [@Phouchg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phouchg)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/212 "2003-01-27T02:09:26Z")
Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! oops, sorry - I thought you were looking for the _deadliest_ joke in the world. Phouchg Lovable Rogue ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/213 "2003-01-27T07:29:43Z")
Why did J.S. Bach have so many children? His organ didn’t have any stops. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/214 "2003-01-28T06:45:30Z")
Not to pick an old nit, but it isn’t that: \<\\> Trust me. The engineer is pleased that the glass was designed with a safety factor of 2. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/215 "2003-01-30T17:18:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AuntPam \* > **What did Macbeth say when he looked up and saw Birnam Wood coming to Dunsinane?** Great! 🙂 –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![ColdPhoenix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@ColdPhoenix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColdPhoenix)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/216 "2003-01-30T18:04:37Z")
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t. ---
**Author:** ![malita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@malita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malita)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/217 "2003-01-30T21:49:24Z")
good one jonnyb…at least I know I learned something in my computer classes in college!! ---
**Author:** ![Homer\_J](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Homer\_J](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer_J)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/218 "2003-01-30T22:22:21Z")
**Angua** Zen: The thermos flask keeps warm things warm and cold things cold… …But how does it know? Brilliant, thats so good. Why do triangler shaped sandwhichs taste better than square ones? ---
**Author:** ![Dave3L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ba9def/32.png) [@Dave3L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave3L)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/219 "2003-01-30T22:33:53Z")
Three friends from med school meet at their 10 year reunion and decide to go duck hunting the next morning. When they arrive, the first, a general practioner, says that they must be careful to shoot only ducks because of the game laws. At that moment some unidentified birds fly overhead. the second, a surgeon, stands up and blasts away with his shotgun, downing one of the birds. After the dog retrieves the fowl, he turns to the third, a pathologist, and says, “Is this a duck?” ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/220 "2003-01-30T23:16:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Banger \* > \*\*Even after reading the explanation of the OP joke, it still doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t understand what switching “what” with “which” has to do with pedantry. \*\* It’s a grammar pedant. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=12)