# Is this the most intellectual joke in the world? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 24, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894 "2002-03-24T21:07:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/41 "2002-03-26T00:51:58Z")
This one gets the planners rolling over, but results in nary a snort among laypeople. \*In a mid-size, mid-American city, with a mid-size planning department was a zoning administrator who held his post for over 30 years. He had a peculiar morning routine upon his arrival at the office; he would always sit down at his desk, the stealthily look around the office to see if anyone was looking (he never noticed, that the whole office did notice this everyday), then, unlock his top center desk drawer, quickly glance at a 3"x5" card, quickly put the card back in the drawer, and proceed with his daily tasks. This morning ritual had gone on for as long as anyone in the office could remember. One day, unfortunately, the zoning czar dies. The whole office attends his funeral, three days later, in the morning. Afterward, they all go out to lunch together. Upon returning to the office, the staff is all standing by his old desk, reminiscing about him and his career, when suddenly, they all thought the same thing simultaneously! One planner said to another, “You get a screwdriver. I’ll get a hammer.” So, they proceed to break into the guy’s desk, pull out the 3"x5" card, and then read it aloud to the group: “YELLOW - Residential, RED - Commercial, BLUE - Manufacturing . . . .”\* ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/42 "2002-03-26T01:12:50Z")
Layperson raises her hand… Please explain? ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/43 "2002-03-26T01:20:26Z")
My favorite, as heard on CarTalk: An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. “Correct,” said the chief. “How did you figure it out?” The warrior answered, “It’s elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/44 "2002-03-26T01:36:11Z")
I know the second limerick, but not the first one. It has to do with ontology. The second limerick is : > [@](#): > > Sir, your astonishment’s odd, > I am always about in the Quad. > And that’s why the tree > Continues to be, > It’s observed, > Yours faithfully, > God. If anyone knows the first verse, I would be grateful. The History of Religion professor who told it to me is dead. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/45 "2002-03-26T01:52:34Z")
**MrVisible** , LOL! gasping for air! okay i can breath again, here’s my offering: Whats the difference between Lady Godiva and searching for a lost golf ball? The latter is a hunt on a course. ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/46 "2002-03-26T01:54:46Z")
**Shodan** , There was a young man who said, ‘God, It has always struck me as odd That the sycamore tree Simply ceases to be When there’s no one about in the quad.’ ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/47 "2002-03-26T02:39:45Z")
Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend? Think about it… OK, that wasn’t even remotely intellectual, but I like it. ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/48 "2002-03-26T02:51:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tomndebb \* > \*\*…I immediately retorted, “Oh? Confusing your Blaise with Pascal?” \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by edwino \* > \*\*"…The mets always win at Sloan Kettering" \*\* OK, these two are NOT funny. [sub]because I don’t get them ☹ [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/49 "2002-03-26T03:04:42Z")
As an urban planner, and former zoning administrator, I must protest at being the brunt of such insulting humor. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/50 "2002-03-26T03:07:26Z")
I thought it was, There was a young man who said “God Must find it exceedingly odd If he finds that this tree Continues to be When there’s no-one about in the Quad.” ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/51 "2002-03-26T03:08:46Z")
Linguistic pick-up line: Is that a bilabial fricative, or are you happy to see me? ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/52 "2002-03-26T03:20:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cainxinth \* > \*\ ***Shodan** , > > There was a young man who said, ‘God, > It has always struck me as odd > That the sycamore tree > Simply ceases to be > When there’s no one about in the quad.’ \*\* Ok, I don’t get it, can you guys explain the whole poem? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/53 "2002-03-26T03:26:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mrblue92 \* > \*\*Nietzsche and Einstein walk into a casino and find God at the craps table… \*\* I forget the name of the physicist who said, “Not only does God play dice with the universe, but the universe is the dice”, or words to that effect By the way, I was sitting box at the Fremont the day that happened. It wasn’t God, it was just some guy who had taken waaayyyyyy too much acid, and thought he was God. The floorlady threw him out, thus depriving everyone at the table of some really great entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![babyblueeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@babyblueeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/babyblueeyes)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/54 "2002-03-26T05:00:43Z")
There was this certian airline that had a flight to Warsaw. For weeks, every single plane crashed just before landing. Finally, an investigator was sent on the plane to attept to discover why. A few minutes before the plane was due to land, the attendant got on the loudspeaker and announced that, in order to make the trip through customs orderly, all the visitors needed to go to the seats on the left of the plane. All the natives were to sit on the other side. Of course, thats why the plane crashed. Because all the poles were on the right half plane. Well, it rolled 'em in the aisles at the physics depaertment at school. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/55 "2002-03-26T05:10:30Z")
The tree poem is a comment on the old line, “If a tree falls in the forest, and no one’s around to hear it, does it make a sound.” There was a philosopher, George Berkeley, who argued that existence is based on perception, so the tree would not make a sound. The limercks is one wag’s response to it. As for the dice, it was Einstein who said that God does not play dice with the universe. This was his reaction to quantam mechanics, especially things like Schrodiger’s Cat (and if you want to know about _that conumdrum_, check out Unca Cecil’s column. His version rhymes. Oh, and Stephen Hawking’s response to Einstein’s comment? “God not only plays dice with the universe, he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.” (Honesty credit: Google helped me with my homework. I’m not nearly as bright as I would like to be.) ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/56 "2002-03-26T05:37:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*Layperson raises her hand… > Please explain? \*\* Areas in a municipality are, for land use regulation purposes, included in one of several (or many) zoning districts. “R-1” might be single family residential, “R-2” single family residential on a smaller lot, and so on. (Australian cities have zoning, too.) The zoning districts are identified by different colors. Most zoning administrators usually know what color corresponds with what district. The one in the joke didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/57 "2002-03-26T05:50:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dijon Warlock \* > \*\*…The duck passes a reddish, gelatinous-looking stool right onto the bar and nowhere near the shotglass… \*\* I almost threw up laughing when I read that sentence. ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/58 "2002-03-26T06:02:18Z")
Chistmas and Halloween are the same day, because dec 25 = oct 31 Real programers dont use compilers, they just use: copy con program.exe ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/59 "2002-03-26T06:44:41Z")
A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served Scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, “Do you know where a guy can get Scrod around here?” “Man,” said the cabdriver. “I’ve heard that question so many times, and asked in so many different ways but I can tell you I’ve never heard someone use the past pluperfect subjunctive!” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/60 "2002-03-26T09:28:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Smeghead \* > **Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?** Ha. But along the same lines… Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? A: They taste funny. Another slightly more intellectual joke: Q: Why did J.S. Bach have so many children? A: His organ didn’t have any stops. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=4)