# Is this the most intellectual joke in the world? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 24, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894 "2002-03-24T21:07:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/61 "2002-03-26T11:50:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > \*\*“It’s very simple, everyone knows you can’t put Descartes before the whores.” \*\* Heh. Reminds me of the schoolteacher who told little Johnny to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence. “OK,” Johnny replied. “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.” _::rimshot::_ Thank you! I’ll be here till Thursday. Don’t forget to tip your waitress! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/62 "2002-03-26T12:20:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DAVEW0071 \* > \*\*Heh. > > Reminds me of the schoolteacher who told little Johnny to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence. > > “OK,” Johnny replied. “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.” > > _::rimshot::_ > > Thank you! I’ll be here till Thursday. Don’t forget to tip your waitress! \*\* Dorothy? Is that you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/63 "2002-03-26T12:38:40Z")
> [@](#): > > ## quote: > > ## Originally posted by Kallessa “It’s very simple, everyone knows you can’t put Descartes before the whores.” > > Heh. > > Reminds me of the schoolteacher who told little Johnny to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence. > > “OK,” Johnny replied. “You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.” > > ::rimshot:: > > Thank you! I’ll be here till Thursday. Don’t forget to tip your waitress! Old news. Beat you to it. Look furher up in the thread. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/64 "2002-03-26T15:28:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by heresiarch \* > \*\*OK, these two are NOT funny. > [sub]because I don’t get them ☹ [/sub] \*\* “Mets” is short for metastasis, which basically means the spreading of cancer. Sloan-Kettering is a famous cancer center. I don’t get the Pascal one either. ---
**Author:** ![Smitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Smitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smitty)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/65 "2002-03-26T15:54:03Z")
3 statisticians are out bowhunting. They spot a deer. The first one shoots, and his arrow lands 3 feet to the right of the deer. The second one shoots, and his arrow lands 3 feet to the left of the deer. The third one says, “We got him!” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/66 "2002-03-26T16:07:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \*\*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > > Layperson raises her hand… > > Please explain? > > Areas in a municipality are, for land use regulation purposes, included in one of several (or many) zoning districts. “R-1” might be single family residential, “R-2” single family residential on a smaller lot, and so on. (Australian cities have zoning, too.) The zoning districts are identified by different colors. > > Most zoning administrators usually know what color corresponds with what district. The one in the joke didn’t. \*\* I’m a layperson and I got the joke. Of course, I’ve also been playing **Sim City** ever since the first one was released. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![rubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@rubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rubes)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/67 "2002-03-26T16:08:52Z")
I like the stats one, thanks smitty ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/68 "2002-03-26T16:10:34Z")
My favorite limericks: > [@](#): > > There was a young man from Peru > Whose limericks would end at line two and then… > [@](#): > > There was a young man from Verdun and my all time best… > [@](#): > > There once was a man from Capri > Who one day was stung by a wasp > When asked “Does it hurt?” > He replied "No it doesn’t. > “But I am exceedingly grateful that it was not a hornet” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/69 "2002-03-26T16:11:49Z")
Three mathematicians are riding on a train through England. They look out the window and see a black sheep. “Ah,” says the first. “In England, some sheep are black.” “Untrue, my friend,” retorts the second. “In England, _at least one_ sheep is black.” “My imprecise colleagues,” says the third, “In England, there exists at least one sheep that is black on at least one side.” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/70 "2002-03-26T16:14:42Z")
I think this was a Weird Earl a while back: [Molecules with Silly or Unusual Names](http://www.bris.ac.uk/Depts/Chemistry/MOTM/silly/sillymols.htm) ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/71 "2002-03-26T16:26:54Z")
recursive re·cur·sive adj 1: _see recursive_ This sentence is false. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/72 "2002-03-26T16:29:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Legomancer \* > \*\*Three mathematicians are riding on a train through England. They look out the window and see a black sheep. > > “Ah,” says the first. “In England, some sheep are black.” > > “Untrue, my friend,” retorts the second. “In England, _at least one_ sheep is black.” > > “My imprecise colleagues,” says the third, “In England, there exists at least one sheep that is black on at least one side.” \*\* I heard this joke told as an engineer (who deduces that **all** sheep in England are black), a mathematician and a statistitian traveling in the train. It was told by a physicist… Along the same lines: [quote] An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are challenged to build a pen enclosing some sheep with the minimum amount of fencing. The engineer builds a large circular pen and puts the sheep into it. The physicist creates an infinately large pen, and then gradually decreases it’s circumference until the sheep are tightly enclosed. The mathematician builds a tiny pen, just big enough for him to stand inside and announces “I define myself to be on the outside of the pen!” [quote] :rolleyes: Gp ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/73 "2002-03-26T18:59:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bdgr \* > \*\*Chistmas and Halloween are the same day, because dec 25 = oct 31 > > Real programers dont use compilers, they just use: copy con program.exe \*\* Those are two of my favorites. 🙂 (And if I ever meet anyone who actually does “copy con program.exe” for nontrivial “program.exe” I shall worship him or her as my God.) ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2002, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/74 "2002-03-26T21:43:13Z")
Two dyslexics discussing a postmodern painting: “You can really sense the absence of dog.” “Yes, but is it rat?” ---
**Author:** ![randomlyblanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@randomlyblanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomlyblanks)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/75 "2002-03-27T03:36:43Z")
> [@](#): > > One day she was telling the story of how as a child she always confused the blessing of throats on February 3 (in which unlit candles are touched to the throat) with the blessing of the Easter Candle on Holy Saturday. > > I immediately retorted, “Oh? Confusing your Blaise with Pascal?” Well there are three key facts here: 1. St. Blaze is the Catholic saint of the throat. 2. Easter is the Pascal Feast. Ever heard of the Pascal lamb? 3. The famous mathematician was named Blaise Pascal (from Pascal’s triangle fame). I, for one, am impressed. Bravo **tomndebb** ---
**Author:** ![randomlyblanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@randomlyblanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomlyblanks)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/76 "2002-03-27T03:39:58Z")
D’oh! That should read “A High School _Student_ Chimes In.” Preview! Preview! Preview! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/77 "2002-03-27T04:55:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Smeghead \* > \*\*Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend? > > Think about it… > > OK, that wasn’t even remotely intellectual, but I like it. \*\* I thought he passed his brother… ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/78 "2002-03-27T05:33:55Z")
Procrastinators will rule the world! …someday… ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/79 "2002-03-27T06:05:26Z")
Two mathematicians sit at an outdoor cafe. As they sip their drinks, they notice a person enter the house across the way. A few minutes later, they notice two people leave the house across the way. After a moment, one mathematician turns to the other and says: “Now if someone else enters the house, it’ll be empty again.” ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2002, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/80 "2002-03-27T09:26:31Z")
> [@](#): > > “YELLOW - Residential, RED - Commercial, BLUE - Manufacturing . . . .” SimCity? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=5)