# Is this the most intellectual joke in the world? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 24, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894 "2002-03-24T21:07:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/141 "2002-04-01T22:09:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kambuckta \* > \*\*A guy goes to the Santiago Zoo, and after checking out the kangaroos and the baboons, he wanders along to the llama enclosure. > On the fence was a sign, “Beware, this llama spits”. > > And he was. \*\* I must say, among all these jokes, this was the one I didn’t understand. Although if, as you say, it isn’t a joke, what am I missing? April fools on me? Anyways, my contribution, more a groaner than an intellectual joke… A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?” ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/142 "2002-04-01T22:15:08Z")
Nevermind. I’ll just wait for the hand-shaped red mark on my forehead to fade a bit, then I’ll be all right. “Beware,” indeed. ---
**Author:** ![RobGraham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8e8cbc/32.png) [@RobGraham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobGraham)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/143 "2002-04-01T22:17:40Z")
Hey Syzygy: I pondered that one too and the best I could make out of it was: ‘Be where the llama spits’. For the person standing there reading the sign, apparently they were already in the right place. Rob ---
**Author:** ![xanadu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/c4cdca/32.png) [@xanadu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanadu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/144 "2002-04-02T02:27:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Johnny L.A. \* > \*\* > That’s one of my favourite jokes. But when I tell it, very few people get it. ☹ \*\* I’m one of those people:). Can ya explain, please? I’m lost! ---
**Author:** ![Morgainelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Morgainelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgainelf)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/145 "2002-04-02T02:49:18Z")
Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Knock Knock Who’s there? Phillip Glass. ---
**Author:** ![Palve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Palve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palve)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/146 "2002-04-02T02:57:16Z")
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/147 "2002-04-02T04:26:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Morgainelf \* > \*\*Knock Knock > > Who’s there? > > Knock Knock > > Who’s there? > > … > Phillip Glass. \*\* :D:D:D:D:D I like. ---
**Author:** ![JohnCocktoasten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@JohnCocktoasten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnCocktoasten)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/148 "2002-04-02T11:50:58Z")
Might I join the party with… “Heisenberg, party of 4, your table may or may not be ready.” ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/149 "2002-04-02T12:51:32Z")
I love the Philip Glass one. am currenty in hysterics. Oh dear I think I’ve frightened the horses. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/150 "2002-04-02T15:12:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RobGraham \* > \*\*A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. > > So he gave it to her. > \*\* That’s very good. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/151 "2002-04-02T16:18:35Z")
FYI, according to the roadies who worked on “Einstein on the Beach” the repetitive knock knock joke IS Phillip Glass’s favorite joke and he “practically falls off the bar stool every time he tells it.” (excerpt, as told it doesn’t have a punchline… you just keep repeating it till someone gets it an laughs.) Here’s my fave physics limerick. There once was a racer named Fiske who took a considerable risk When his dragster caught traction the Fitzgerald Contraction\* reduced his wazoo to a disk! And this one is more a snappy retort – esp if you know anyone who likes to seem smart by going about quoting Hamlet. “too be or not to be… that is the Question…” ## A: No, that’s the answer. The question is: “what’s the square root of 4b squared?” \*tendency of objects to become foreshortened as speeds approach lightspeed ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/152 "2002-04-02T18:22:10Z")
Of course you’ve heard about the group of chemists who made a rock band? **Aerosol** Yeah… heard their new hit single, “Sweet Emulsion”? ::d&r:: ---
**Author:** ![knock\_knock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/22d042/32.png) [@knock\_knock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/knock_knock)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/153 "2002-04-02T20:21:33Z")
Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Who’s there? … 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Morgainelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Morgainelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgainelf)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/154 "2002-04-03T13:42:08Z")
I suppose if you’re Phillip Glass, the punch line would be redundant! When I tell it, people usually go through a series of emotions. First, mild anticipation. Then, frustration, curiosity, boredom, and when they finally are so fed up they’re about to walk away, I give 'em the punchline. I think Phillip might appreciate that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/155 "2002-04-03T15:00:17Z")
A mathematician named Hall has a hexehedronical ball. And the square of its weight plus its volume (times eight) is his phone number: give him a call! ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/156 "2002-04-03T17:42:55Z")
An exceptionally bright, albeit mischievous, young boy named Billy was in class one day. The teacher asks, “Billy, what is 2 plus 2?” Billy replies, “Five.” Teacher says, “That’s incorrect. I’m surprised, Billy - math is your strong suit.” Billy says… “I’m sorry, but that was a rhetorical answer - it shouldn’t be questioned.” ---
**Author:** ![RobGraham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8e8cbc/32.png) [@RobGraham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobGraham)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/157 "2002-04-03T18:04:48Z")
This probably doesn’t classify as intellectual, but… How does an engineer solve constipation? Like everything else, they work it out with a pencil. Thanks, I’ll be here all week! Enjoy the buffet! ---
**Author:** ![Fin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@Fin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fin_man)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/158 "2002-04-03T18:38:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elmwood \* > \*\*This one gets the planners rolling over, but results in nary a snort among laypeople. > > \*In a mid-size, mid-American city, with a mid-size planning department was a zoning administrator who held his post for over 30 years. He had a peculiar morning routine upon his arrival at the office; he would always sit down at his desk, the stealthily look around the office to see if anyone was looking (he never noticed, that the whole office did notice this everyday), then, unlock his top center desk drawer, quickly glance at a 3"x5" card, quickly put the card back in the drawer, and proceed with his daily tasks. This morning ritual had gone on for as long as anyone in the office could remember. > > One day, unfortunately, the zoning czar dies. The whole office attends his funeral, three days later, in the morning. Afterward, they all go out to lunch together. Upon returning to the office, the staff is all standing by his old desk, reminiscing about him and his career, when suddenly, they all thought the same thing simultaneously! One planner said to another, “You get a screwdriver. I’ll get a hammer.” So, they proceed to break into the guy’s desk, pull out the 3"x5" card, and then read it aloud to the group: “YELLOW - Residential, RED - Commercial, BLUE - Manufacturing . . . .”\* \*\* Heard one similar to this. It is a big research department and every morning the head economist looks at a card. When he dies, they look at the card. It says: Micro is small Macro is big ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/159 "2002-04-05T03:14:26Z")
This isn’t really a joke, but it’s undeniably intellectual and I thought it was extremely funny. YMMV. Bertrand Russell, the philosopher and mathematician, wrote some funny stuff about Hegel in one of his “Unpopular Essays”. I don’t have it immediately at hand, but his presentation is funnier than my summary. If such things interest you, I urge you to look for this collection. The Absolute Idea is pure thought thinking about itself. The Hegelian dialectic is the cycle of thesis-antithesis-synthesis which eventually arrives at the embodiment of the Absolute Idea in the real world. Hegel thought the Absolute Idea was embodied in the German State of his time (which was paying his salary). Why the dialectic is necessary is unclear. _One might suppose that the Absolute Idea made mistakes when it tried to embody itself in events._ This is not, of course, what Hegel would have said. ---
**Author:** ![WEW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@WEW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WEW)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894/160 "2002-04-22T22:01:38Z")
A good friend was a physics major, and told me this joke the other night. I could not think of anyone to tell it to, but then I thought of you guys. I can’t veiw the last page of this thread right now, but I have to post this joke. Please forgive me if it has already been done here. Heisenberg gets pulled over by a policeman. The Cop say’s “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I know where I am.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-the-most-intellectual-joke-in-the-world/99894.md?page=9)