# Is this waitperson behavior presumptuous or helpful? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 11, 2012, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724 "2012-12-11T18:15:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/61 "2012-12-11T22:11:59Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > It’s worth it to buy a share of Sam Adams and go to the shareholders meeting. They served us Utopia (albeit in tiny glasses) and you could have as many as you wanted. 🙂 Sounds way cool! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/62 "2012-12-11T22:14:10Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > I’m in the Midwest (Michigan) and can’t recall ever buying a square pizza from a restaurant/pizza delivery joint. They’re all hexagonal here.\* > \*I’m kidding. That’s funny - they’re star-shaped here. 😃 > [@Lukeinva](#): > > All four are various forms of “service” and wouldn’t bother me a bit. The one thing that does, however, is removing my plate before I’m done. I’m a slow eater, when I’m done my knife and fork go on the plate pointed at my right elbow signaling that the plate can now be removed. I’m a very slow eater, too (almost always the last one still eating at a table), and not only do they try to take my plate before I’m finished (I’m wise to their ways now and they rarely get it), it bugs the shit out of me when they take everyone else’s plates and leave me eating by myself. Yeah, let’s make it super-obvious that I’m the slowest eater here! Awesome! > [@Anaamika](#): > > We’re all just a bunch of 12 year olds. Let’s go get some ice cream! Sweet! None of the four things in the OP would bother me. I don’t want anyone sipping my drink, though. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/63 "2012-12-11T22:36:35Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s funny - they’re star-shaped here. 😃 > > I’m a very slow eater, too (almost always the last one still eating at a table), and not only do they try to take my plate before I’m finished (I’m wise to their ways now and they rarely get it), it bugs the shit out of me when they take everyone else’s plates and leave me eating by myself. Yeah, let’s make it super-obvious that I’m the slowest eater here! . That’s a lose-lose situation for the waitstaff, since its generally considered bad form to leave dirty dishes sitting on the table for too long. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/64 "2012-12-12T00:02:54Z")
I have never seen any waiter do any of these things, and I’ve eaten at Red Lobster, several Chinese restaurants, and a few pizza places regularly. OTOH, my husband and I always get different types of soup at the Chinese places. None of them would really bother me if they did happen. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/65 "2012-12-12T00:16:06Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > I have never seen any waiter do any of these things, and I’ve eaten at Red Lobster, several Chinese restaurants, and a few pizza places regularly. OTOH, my husband and I always get different types of soup at the Chinese places. Well, like I said, the Red Lobster one was an aberration–it was one waiter. None of the others ever did it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/66 "2012-12-12T00:40:57Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > I have never seen any waiter do any of these things, and I’ve eaten at Red Lobster, several Chinese restaurants, and a few pizza places regularly. OTOH, my husband and I always get different types of soup at the Chinese places. > > None of them would really bother me if they did happen. The waiter placing your napkin on your lap happens in places where your worried about your cc maxing out.:D. The kind of place where there are entrees without specific prices. The kinda place where you have a waiter, a sommelier, a guy who sweeps or scrapes crumbs off the table between courses, etc. Sometimes you can even get pretty decent food as well at these joints. ---
**Author:** ![mumma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@mumma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mumma)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/67 "2012-12-12T00:52:26Z")
In response to the OP - #3 is strange but the other things wouldn’t bother me. In response to square pizza discussion - I grew up in NJ where thin crust pizza is the default pizza. But sicilian pizza is an option at some places. It is deep dish, rectangular and awesome. I imagine this may be a NY/NJ thing. As far as my bartender taking a sip of my beer - that would cause me to exchange loud words, probably some cursing as well. I mean c’mon man, find a small glass, have a sip, try the new beer. Don’t drink mine. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/68 "2012-12-12T01:39:49Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Seriously though, is one piece of pizza THAT different from the others? They must all be pretty similar on average (we’re talking pizzeria here, not a frozen pizza at home that only comes with 6 slices of olives). I can’t imagine getting this upset about getting 1 less pepperoni slice than the person next to me. Yeah, and if you’re with one other person, surely the polite thing to do is offer him or her the choice of first slice. And if it’s a group of you, you get whatever the hell is available when it’s your turn. I’m reminded of a Flintstones episode: two pieces of cake on a plate, Barney takes the big one, and leaves Fred with the little slice. Fred: “Hey what’s the matter with you, taking the big slice?” Barney: “So? What would you have done?” Fred: “I would have been a gentleman and taken the smaller piece.” Barney: “Well, you got it didn’t you? So what are you complaining about?” ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/69 "2012-12-12T02:05:00Z")
I vote 'Fuddy duddy" in the most non insulting way possible. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/70 "2012-12-12T02:15:08Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > That’s a lose-lose situation for the waitstaff, since its generally considered bad form to leave dirty dishes sitting on the table for too long. Yeah, I suppose. The three hundredth time it happened to me\*, though, I was a bit irritated. 🙂 \*Not in the same night. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/71 "2012-12-12T21:15:35Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > None of the behaviors you described would even catch my attention. Same here. Now if the waiter began to cut my food into tiny pieces for me … ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/72 "2012-12-12T21:19:30Z")
1 violates my personal space. Brother does that and he’s looking for a fight. 2 isn’t something I’d like. Who knows what he just touched? I probably wouldn’t say anything, though, unless I was a regular. 3 and 4 I honestly think of as _de rigueur_. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/73 "2012-12-12T21:24:06Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > 1 violates my personal space. Brother does that and he’s looking for a fight. > > 2 isn’t something I’d like. Who knows what he just touched? I probably wouldn’t say anything, though, unless I was a regular. > . He’s your waiter. He’s been handling your actual food and he’s also the one who rolled the silverware in the napkin to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/74 "2012-12-12T21:29:46Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > He’s your waiter. He’s been handling your actual food and he’s also the one who rolled the silverware in the napkin to begin with. Yeah, but I sort of assume that folks rolling silverware wash their hands immediately prior. The folks at my local Village Inn do, anyway. As I said, I wouldn’t say anything unless I was a regular. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/75 "2012-12-12T21:37:43Z")
> [@Infovore](#): > > 1. At a couple of pizza restaurants in the Midwest (I have never seen this in California), the waiter delivers the pizza to the table and proceeds to dish up a slice onto each of our plates. > > #4. Is REALLY ANNOYING and I _will_ say something about it. Dammit, I like to select my own slice of pizza, and I consider it quite presumptuous of the waiter to think that he knows better than I which one I want. Here’s a novel concept, unbunch your panties and put the slice he picked back and pick a different one. Problem solved!! The waiter doesn’t even have to know. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/76 "2012-12-12T21:41:57Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Yeah, but I sort of assume that folks rolling silverware wash their hands immediately prior. The folks at my local Village Inn do, anyway. > > As I said, I wouldn’t say anything unless I was a regular. You think they wash their hands when rolling silverware, but not when handling your food, plates, glasses and silverware? If you’re at all grossed out by where the hands of food service professionals have been, you probably shouldn’t be eating outside your home. It’s like saying, “I’m not eating this salad. I don’t know where the cook’s hands have been!” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/77 "2012-12-12T21:43:09Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > The waiter placing your napkin on your lap happens in places where your worried about your cc maxing out.:D. The kind of place where there are entrees without specific prices. The kinda place where you have a waiter, a sommelier, a guy who sweeps or scrapes crumbs off the table between courses, I guess that explains why I’ve never seen a server do this (though I’ve eaten at places where they swept the crumbs off the tablecloth before dessert). I would not appreciate the waiter putting the napkin in my lap, or doing anything remotely suggestive of “correcting” my obscenely informal table manners. What’s next - knocking my offending elbow off the table or taking away a utensil as I’m using it and substituting the proper one? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/78 "2012-12-12T21:44:15Z")
They aren’t doing it to correct your behavior, nor does it feel like that. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/79 "2012-12-12T21:46:39Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > You think they wash their hands when rolling silverware, but not when handling your food, plates, glasses and silverware? If you’re at all grossed out by where the hands of food service professionals have been, you probably shouldn’t be eating outside your home. > > It’s like saying, “I’m not eating this salad. I don’t know where the cook’s hands have been!” I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on this one, mate 😉 The OP asked the question, I answered, and it’s not worth arguing about. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724/80 "2012-12-12T21:54:13Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Yeah, but I sort of assume that folks rolling silverware wash their hands immediately prior. The folks at my local Village Inn do, anyway. > > As I said, I wouldn’t say anything unless I was a regular. I worked in a restaurant when we handled the silverware, we did it via you know the handles never the part that goes in your mouth. As for the OP. I find none of that odd or annoying. Maybe stick to fast food joints. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-this-waitperson-behavior-presumptuous-or-helpful/643724.md?page=5)